Replies to 'Childhood Sexual Abuse Support'

This new format is really difficult. I've been away from the board for a few days so was trying to catch up and reading from the start is a pain coz the messages are backwards so you have to scroll to the end and then hit to go to the last page and then scroll again!! I know you'd think we all had enough stuff to complain about in our lives!! LOL. I do like that the way the messages are laid out though so that you see the order of things.

Anyway (hope that's a paragraph momisme :). I kind of lied just there when I said I was away from the board, I actually logged on a couple of times and started to read but couldn't continue. Sometimes it is too hard. Lablefree I think what you are talking about is the difference between sympathy and empathy. I think we will always empathise with others that go through this s***. This is probably a good thing but sometimes it is really difficult. We all have to learn to protect ourselves from that and know our cut off point. Like I said I couldn't read the board for the last few days coz I've been very depressed lately and sometimes it is just to hard to see other people's pain.

Oreo what your mum has done is definitely abuse there is no doubt about that. You might not categorise it as that because of the sexual abuse but she is abusing you physically, mentally and emotionally. She is also controlling you and as Momisme said we lose control to our abusers and that is the hardest thing to regain. This is why people who have been abused can have eating disorders, or self harm and also why we often end up in another bad situation because we just want the control back. I am glad that you met someone you like. You are old enough to date and you've been through enough to make you older then you are. However I would like to say please be careful. Keep your control in the relationship. You are very messed up now and sometimes we turn to someone else that we think will fill a void but it doesn't. Just make sure that everything you do you WANT to do. It has to make you happy. I know that I ended up having sex with my first real boyfriend because I wanted to feel 'normal'. It made me feel worse coz I had done it for the wrong reasons and it was another way that the abuse had effected my life. I also continually looked for someone to love me and if any guy showed me some affection I thought it was love. I was lucky in that this didn't lead me into a bad situation but it very easily could have. Take your time. Work out what you want, be honest with yourself and with him. Remember we are always here to listen. And don't be embarassed about what you said about your mom, she is in the wrong she is your mother and should protect you NOT abuse you. Take care.

This new format is really difficult. I've been away from the board for a few days so was trying to catch up and reading from the start is a pain coz the messages are backwards so you have to scroll to the end and then hit to go to the last page and then scroll again!! I know you'd think we all had enough stuff to complain about in our lives!! LOL. I do like that the way the messages are laid out though so that you see the order of things.

Anyway (hope that's a paragraph momisme :). I kind of lied just there when I said I was away from the board, I actually logged on a couple of times and started to read but couldn't continue. Sometimes it is too hard. Lablefree I think what you are talking about is the difference between sympathy and empathy. I think we will always empathise with others that go through this s***. This is probably a good thing but sometimes it is really difficult. We all have to learn to protect ourselves from that and know our cut off point. Like I said I couldn't read the board for the last few days coz I've been very depressed lately and sometimes it is just to hard to see other people's pain.

Oreo what your mum has done is definitely abuse there is no doubt about that. You might not categorise it as that because of the sexual abuse but she is abusing you physically, mentally and emotionally. She is also controlling you and as Momisme said we lose control to our abusers and that is the hardest thing to regain. This is why people who have been abused can have eating disorders, or self harm and also why we often end up in another bad situation because we just want the control back. I am glad that you met someone you like. You are old enough to date and you've been through enough to make you older then you are. However I would like to say please be careful. Keep your control in the relationship. You are very messed up now and sometimes we turn to someone else that we think will fill a void but it doesn't. Just make sure that everything you do you WANT to do. It has to make you happy. I know that I ended up having sex with my first real boyfriend because I wanted to feel 'normal'. It made me feel worse coz I had done it for the wrong reasons and it was another way that the abuse had effected my life. I also continually looked for someone to love me and if any guy showed me some affection I thought it was love. I was lucky in that this didn't lead me into a bad situation but it very easily could have. Take your time. Work out what you want, be honest with yourself and with him. Remember we are always here to listen. And don't be embarassed about what you said about your mom, she is in the wrong she is your mother and should protect you NOT abuse you. Take care.