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May 18, 2007, 7:28 am PDT
Single Parenting
Quote From: tkebobbyWell, first off I am a firm believer that a child should have two parents. However, both parents need to be responsible adults. As far as allowing him to see his son, it is a good thing IF and ONLY IF he is ready to be this child's father, and that means for the rest of his natural life. Things that might suggest this, for starters, paying child support. No money, no kid. That is not to say that money and material possesions are everything, but lets face it, kids are expencive! Furthermore, I'm even saying that he needs to pay to see his child. What I am suggesting is that the money be a sign that he is being responsible, he has a good job and is willing to provide for his child. You need to have a clearly defined number of things which he must do to prove to you he is willing to be a good father this time around. And he needs to be clearly told, until he has done those things (and continues to do them afterward) he will not have gained your trust. My ex pretended to be my then 18 month olds dad. We seperated when he was 8 and he refused to have anything to do with him. He has a younger brother whom my ex would take for the weekend. I had to sit down with my son and explain that his birth father and I haven't had contact since he was a year old. He cried but said he wasn't sad about XX not being his dad, but because he didn't know his real dad. It was never my intention to deceive my son, he called XX by his name until after the birth of his brother. I NEVER would have thought anyone could be so cruel to a child. Especially one they raised as their own. My son is 11 now, we still haven't found his birth father, but we're not giving up. Money is not the issue, it's my sons sense of belonging, knowing, accepting. I try to keep positive male influence in his life, church, his grandfather, etc. Hindsight is 20/20, I just wish I would have not let his background get pushed under the rug. XX is still in their life (he still doesn't take the older one (he wouldn't go anyway). But I have explained that some people don't have the love in their hearts that we're supposed to have. Don't keep fathers from their children out of malice, if they may be a positive influence, let them be part of their childs life.
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