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July 31, 2005, 10:55 pm PDT
Thank you
Quote From: ritehere It's a shame you didn't get to choose the family you were born into. In time you will be able to tell people right out that your family is dysfunctional, and that will stop any questions of why don't you visit, etc. Whether you choose to elaborate on the dysfunction will be up to you. I guess what I'm saying is that you will be completely free when you can openly admit to others what these people are. It casts no shadows on who YOU are. The good news is we all get to choose the people that surround us in adulthood. My very best to you on your jouney through the rest of your life. It is so nice not to have a reaction which is shock or disbelief. It has been a learning experience growing up with my family. I know how that Paranoid guy got into the watch tower. I know how things aren't always what they seem. Goodness knows, I know all about manipulation and how not to get "taken".
Yes, we have a choice. I have to remind myself of that every time a family member calls. I remind myself of that often, not because I want to remember, but because I want to forget. The guilt sucks me back in, I haven't found anything but the anger to pull me out.
God love you for not seeing it as a shadow on me. I don't want to make the mistake as portraying them as monsters. They aren't. They were just my monsters. I suppose, I carry a quiet belief that I am somehow contaminated. That that contamination spreads and I am selfish in exposing myself to others. I guess that's one of the reasons that infertility is so hard to deal with. I feel like I contaminated my husband and our relationship. That may be a breakthrough of sorts in recognizing that influence.
Thanks again,
Kim
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