Quote From: ritehereDr Phil's first Life Law states that there are those that "get it" and those that don't. Our goal is to be one of the ones that "gets it."
So I'm going to hit you with some questions, and I realize that "hitting" is the appropriate word here because that's what it feels like. And I apologize ahead of time.
1. Past behavior indicates future behavior. With this in mind, do you really think that your husband is going to stop cheating on you just because you now know that he is a cheater?
2. He has admitted to about 20 women he's cheated with in the past. Statistics indicate that most men underestimate when they are confessing to their wives, if there has been a number of other women. And does the actual number really matter at this point? At 20, I consider your husband out to nail anything he can get. He is a serial cheater. Wouldn't you agree?
3. Does he use a condom? Can you trust that he uses one with all these other women? He is putting your life in danger. If you value your health and life, you will cut him off and get to the doctor to be checked out.
4. You are reeling with shock, depressed and feeling hopeless. His response is to tell you that he doesn't want to talk about it or hear about it from you any more. What? You're supposed to stuff it all down like it never happened? Put on a smiley face, hide your feelings, and suck it up? Your his wife, not his slave.
5. You said "He always calls me and tells me exactly what he is doing. He is trying very hard to make this marriage work." So how is this "trying very hard"? I noticed you said that you went to the counselor, not "we." I don't think he's trying very hard at all. I think he is doing the bare minimum to keep you mum and not make waves or embarrass him. He lost that sort of respect from you about 20 other women ago, didn't he?
Do you have family or friends back home that can take you in if you came back? There's no reason why you should stay there and have to suffer with this by yourself, and put up with keeping your mouth shut about it. Think about it, he's the one who is dispicable, cruel, dishonest, and callous. Getting away from him will also help you to get real with the situation in your head.
My heartfelt sympathies go out to you at this horrible time in your life. Remember, you are not alone.
Thank you very much for your quick response. I know he has been using a condom with these women because the ones I talked to personally told me that they have. It is a very hard situation for me right now and I really dont know what I will do. He did tell me that he doesnt want to talk to anybody about the whole situation because he is embarrased. He doesnt want anybody telling him what a messup he is because he already knows. Those were his words. I really know for sure that in the past 10 months he has not been trying to meet other women. I found ways to find out. I just want to know if there is a possibility for someone to change. I really know he doesnt want to do that again. I know I sound very naiv but I always try to see the best in everybody. I hope and pray that it wont happen again but with the trust gone it is very hard for me to live with this situation. I will keep you up to date on what i decided. Thanks again for your response. I very thankful
