Replies to '07/16 Bully Husband'

I've been married 8.5 yrs. with a man I've known since I was 10yrs old. I thought I knew him...wrong...so wrong! right after we were married everything changed. It has taken me much research to be able to pin point this disorder. These years have been the hardest that I've ever endured. I call them crazy making!!  I raised two wonderful, kind ,educated functioning adults as a single parent, I've lost two parents eight months apart and a brother. I have tried everything, books, tapes, councelor and a pastor (whom I thought was egotistical himself) I tied my inheritance up in this marriage and will never be able to retrieve it. The world knows the man I thought I knew, to them he is wonderful, he has posioned their minds aganist me, narcissist will do anything to protect their image, that's all it is about. There is only a false self. Narcissist cunningly twist your reality, they are Dr Jechyl and Mr. Hyde, even their own family is used for their needs, but they can't or won't see it. They have similar traits.The emotional abuse, verbal abuse and even some physical ( of course the physical is just enough to convience you, him and others, it wasn't really anything much) I feel he lives a totally separate life that he trys to keep hidden. I have been on a journey of discovery, I've learned about myself as well as him. I've discovered why I allowed myself to be sucked in with him, and I know his family well, therefore can see where his narcissisium orginated. I'm sad for him and us. I'm doing what I can to prepare for a life on my own. I would give anything to save this marriage, but is can't happen. There isn't anyone to have a marriage with, just a shell. Living with a narcisisist changes you, it will break your spirit and tear your soul to pieces. There is no way for anyone to truely conprehend what hell you are living in. You pray that you will survive. Please do not be quick to judge this lady, I feel she has suffered much, just as I and I'm sure many others. This is a hidden horror we've lived in. I wish Dr. Phil and others would address this issue more in depth, it is a nightmare and many are searching for the answers trying to make sense of their situation. A blog for those to encourge each other and share would be so helpful, like the bi-polar one Dr. Phil has. I encourge all of you who really want to know more about this disorder to read " Malignant Self Love" Narcissism revisited, by Sam Vaknin.,it's been the best discovery for me, it has become a survior bible to me, so I can verify the craziness and valadate my gut feelings, when he constantly trys to keep me so mixed up. He even has my children confused and they aren't his. They are worried about me always being upset and about the medical problems I've aquired during all this and about my happiness, but I think they think it's like every other marriage, that it is 50/50 as far as fault goes. I'm here to tell you, there is no 50/50 when there is one being abused. The hardest thing for me has been, wanting so bad for those that love me, or us understand, so someone else could really know what is really going on, but it is almost impossible to explain. I just do not wish this on anyone!