Replies to 'Toxic Family Relationships'

lvjrny

User Mood
Good

Message Emote

July 28, 2008, 4:53 am PDT

Toxic Family Relationships

Quote From: tsunami_245

Thank you for your advice, it's nice to finally feel like someone is listening and understands, but ummm... I'm a girl. (>_)

As for my relatives, I have three aunts on my mom's side, but they all live far away so I don't get to seem them often. Really it'd be more truthful to say that we're aquaintances rather than family. I haven't seen my Aunt Emily since I was 7, my Aunt Jessica since I was 12, and my Aunt Sandy since I was 13. On my dad's side off the family, I have two aunts and one uncle. My Aunt Sharon, never really liked me because she didn't approve of my parent's marrige, to be honest, she put me down every chance she got. I also have an Uncle Chris and an Aunt Catherine, they were always very kind to me and I loved them very much, but I haven't seen or heard from them since I was 11. Unfortunatly, there's really no one I can rely on in my family.

What's even worse is that it's the same when it comes to friends. Other than my boyfriend, I only have two other friends, but one of them, Victoria, just moved to Las Vegas. So even though I love her like a sister, like a true family member, our friendship probably won't last much longer. Time and distance really don't like me.

I've tried to make more friends, but I live in one of those rich kid districts were the majority of the teenage population consist of preps and jocks, and I of course don't fit into their cliques. Another factor to my whole 'loner' situation is that I can't relate to other teens my age. Truth of the matter is, my sense of humor is a bit sadistic and far from what they consider normal. Plus I just find easier to get along with decent adults rather than the few nice teenagers.

My boyfriend is really sweet, I love him with all my heart, and we get along great. But he and I can't always relate. His family is kind. They don't fight or lie to each, yeah sure they get on each others nerves every now and then, but what family doesn't? I kind of envy him. Still, even though he admits he can't relate with my situation, he does everything he can to make me feel better. He has a way of making me laugh and smile without using much effort, and when I'm with him, I feel like all my problem have dissapeared. But once it's times to go, I feel so alone again.

I feel trapped, and suffocated, like I'm dying. Then I remember just how useless I've been in trying to make a difference in my family and how I don't even know what I want to do with my life, and the anxiety overwhelms me and I can't help but wonder 'Why am I even alive?'

I really wish I could get help for my family, as much as I hate them, I hate watching them rot even more. I've tried going to professionals, but my family won't listen to them. The moment one of them is told they're wrong, they get defensive and won't listen anymore. I'd like my family to be on the Dr. Phil, I figure if they won't listen to a normal professional, then maybe they'll listen to someone who has undeniable knowledge. The problem with that plan is, I'm only 15 and apparently I'm required to be 18 or older to get help. I don't know why everyone obsesses over youth, if you ask me, it really sucks.

Can anyone give me some advice, some sort of survival tip? Truth is, the only things I need are hard to find.

Well, I'm a girl too, so I understand. I didn't have any relatives either when I was your age and dealing with my mom's alcoholism. I had older sisters, but they were MUCH MUCH older and married and my older brother was in his own demons at the time. I felt very alone and exhausted myself trying to get my family to change and "see the light".

I too had limited friends. I think it was partly because I was so much more mature from going through all that I had gone through (probably the same for you) and perhaps my friends feared my situation. They saw my mom at her worse, it was pretty scary stuff. Having your boyfriend there alllows you to see just how dysfunctional your family is and I understand your envy. It's very natural to feel that way.

The one thing I envy YOU about is that you are recognizing all of this at such a young age. It took me well into my twenties before I realized how suffocated and trapped I was by my mother's unhealthy control. So much of my life had been lost and I hit some very low periods. There's little you can do to FORCE your family into a change unfortunately. But you can change yourself and ultimately that helps. One thing that has been a major force for me is relinquishing the need to want to help everyone around me, to want to change them. Accept them for who they are - good or bad, and realize they made horrible choices that I had no control over. If you can, please pick up Toxic Parents, this is the bible for all of us who are suffering from unhealthy families and it gives steps to confronting your parents which are very helpful. Plus, just knowing you are NOT alone makes life so much more bearable.

I know I'm probably not much help but I really do understand what you're going through and I want you to know you WILL get through all of this. The way I survived was indulging in the wonderful things I enjoyed in life (sports, music, etc) and creating my own happiness within myself. Sure, it didn't mask the BS going on in my family but it helped me to find a happy place within me and get through it.