Replies to 'Getting Along With Your In-Laws'

Quote From: truman4

Our son and daughter-in-law will soon be coming to visit.  A little background...they were married two years ago.  Our daughter-in-law is a very controlling individual and would prefer our son to be an orphan.  Unfortunately for her, he has a very loving and involved family.  Our son has been in the army for 5 years and will be completing his contract next year.  He returned from Afghanistan in May and to surprise him, we sent him his classic car, which we had stored for him for the past 5 years, by transport.  Instead of being appreciative, he called and complained/yelled at us that we had not sent the title with the car so that his wife could have all the transfer arrangements made before he got home.  The car was titled to us.  We intended to send the title once the car arrived safely.  This conversation took place the 2nd night back from Afghanistan.  Then, he proceeded to yell at us for not calling his wife enough while he was gone.  Never mind that she had not called us once to report on him or that we had called her, sent emails, cards, packages, etc...What would possess a wife to bring those items to the forefront on your second night back.  We had planned to be there to greet him but she never called to say when he was arriving and we are several states away.  This has been an ongoing battle since they met.  We do not complain about her behavior and have never brought up any of her behaviors.  We greet her with open arms.  In fact, before he left, she sent us an email saying we were the best in-laws in the world, yet when he is gone, she does not call, does not take our calls, does not write, and finds something to complain about when he returns.  We try to call about every 2 weeks when he is home but they do not take our calls but he will return the call when he is away from her and the house.  When they were married 2 years ago, we had had a situation which created tension at the wedding.  We smiled and tried to be everything he wanted us to be, and have never referred back to the situation, but he constantly says, "you ruined my wedding", while we were the ones not invited to be in any wedding pictures and we were the ones that were not included in before wedding activities.  His grandmother got so mad that she "let him have it" at the airport prior to our departure and he has not called her since.  We have asked to visit but they always have excuses.  We have invited them home.  Last summer, they were here just before his deployment and he had such a great time, he left me a note in the sheets like he used to before he was married.  He is scheduled to re-deploy in Feb. and they have agreed to come home next month.  If fact, he asked us to drive 2 hours to pick them up at the airport, which he knows we would go to the ends of the earth for him.  We are not sure what to do about the situation while they are here but we are tired of hearing the criticism.  She is going to run out of things to complain about because we have less and less communication with him.  She is grasping at straws.  When ever he brings it up, we tell him that life is too short to dwell on the past.   After they were married, she informed me that I was the "know-it-all of the north" and that my son would constantly say, "my mom says this, my mom does it this way..." unbeknown to me so I know she is jealous of the relationship we have with our son.  We never in our wildest dreams would have imagined this happening to our relationship as were were VERY close and had a very respectful relation ship with both of our sons.  We want to be a part of our son's life.  We didn't think that marriage meant either/or.  We have wonderful relationships with my parents as well as my husbands parents.  He had role models.  We don't think he is happy but is trying ti keep the peace at home.  What would possess a wife to bring up these things after he husband has just returned from overseas.  We suspect some of his behavior could be related to his experiences overseas.  What do we do?