Quote From: worried_mom13My daughter is a 35 y/o married mother of two, a daughter 10 and a son 6. She is married to a career military man and they live in another state. She has been in and out of the hospital for the last two months and the only diagnosis besides contracting staph infection is severe gastritis, calcium and potassium deficiencies (according to her)
She visited me in early July for the first time in a year. I know without a doubt she is an alcoholic. She is drinking before lunch and drinks until bedtime. You never see her behavior change. She never acts "drunk". I believe her tolerance is very high although she has called both my mom and me at times late in the evening when her speech was slurred.
She needs to go to rehab. I cannot imaging what my grandchildren are going though living with an alcoholic mother. Even worse is that she is killing their mother and my daughter with the abuse.
The last time she was in the hospital I asked her husband to call me when he was not with her so we could talk about her health. He never called me. They live 7 hours away and I care for my 82 y/o mother who is oxygen dependent with COPD so I can't just leave and go confront her, create hostility and loose my ability to communicate with her at all. I am also experiencing some serious health problems myself.
In September or October they are being transferred possibly to Hawaii and I live on the east coast so time is of the essence. I don't know if he is abusing alcohol or not. I fear he may be planning to leave her when he gets this transfer. That is how he separated from his first wife.
My son-in-law doesn't seem to want to talk to me about her health. He has no idea it is alcoholism I want to discuss with him. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get my daughter in rehab before she kills herself with alcohol or further harms her two beautiful children?
I am extremely grateful for any and all suggestions.
Have you considered an intervention? You would have to work out all of the details without the assistance of her husband, of course. This would be totally upon your shoulders, but all of the work could be well worth it if it saves your daughter’s life and the childhoods of your grandchildren. Children of alcoholics grow up quickly and they don’t even get to be children because they have to care for their parent and siblings; your oldest grandchild is probably taking on the role of caregiver to the family. She should have that burden lifted. If an intervention isn’t possible, (it would mean lining up a rehab center, confronting her and taking her there or having arrangements for her to go) then at the least could you have the grandchildren come visit you before the summer is over? Give them a couple of weeks of “normal” childhood. Then when they leave, take your chances and confront your daughter, but do it in a calm, rational way that won’t make her defensive. I wish you the best, I know this must be very difficult.
