Quote From: downey6977my daughter is 4 yrs old and Im 23. The grandma is in her late 50s. I don't know why she lets my daughter do anything she wants. My opinion is that she is taking the father's place. She did this with her son and I think that is why he is like he is today. She has babied him all his life and never disiplined him. He has never been taught responsibilities at all. I have said something to her, but all I get is I just give in and can't let her cry like she does.
I have asked why she doesn't like to sleep by herself and she tells me that she is scared. She won't say of what though. I have thought about seeking professional help with her. B/c I don't want her to suffer later on in life b/c of the abuse that she has seen.
The reason I ask your ages, is not because it's important how old you are. What is important is that you and the grandparent are oldER than your child, therefore YOU are in charge the child's life, not the child and not the grandmother. And it seems that you try to establish that in your relationship with your child... hence the problem from one setting to another. But if the grandmother isn't doing so, why do you allow that kind of parenting (or lack there of) to continue? You're damn right that's why your child's father is like he is today. His own mother never held him responsible for his actions, why should he feel responsible for his child? So if the grandma's parenting style (again, or lack there of) caused her son to act the way he did, which ultimately put you where you in this situation... WHY ARE YOU ALLOWING HER DO THE SAME THING TO YOUR CHILD? Frankly, you shouldn't allow her to see grandma. If she stops seeing grandma, it will stop reinforcing this "I can do whatever I want" mentality and the behavior problems will subside. Because that's what is happening here. She learns that she can do what she wants, and Grandma doesn't stop her (reinforcing the idea and behaviors). If you cut off the reinforcement, you cut off the behaviors. Everyone needs allies/friends/social support in life, particularly children of single parents, but when that "support" really isn't supporting healthy growth and good behaviors... bye bye! It is much easier to cut that connection between her and Grandma than it is to change Grandma's parenting style (which she's been using her whole life!)
Furthermore you need to explain to your daughter that people can't always do whatever they want or not want to do. "Man, this life thing would be a lot more fun if I didn't have to work so much." We've all thought something like that before... but we don't do it, we don't just stop working because we want to. Your daughter needs to understand we can't do everything we want all the time. Ask her, "What would happen if Mommy wanted to have fun and not work? Would you get food? Would you get to go ______ (some activity she enjoys)?"
One more thing, regarding the sleep. Again, it is more than likely that the sleep issues have some connection to the abuse. Someone (be it you, or a professional) need to find out what it is she is afraid of. At this point, for all we know it could be "a monster under the bed." (By the way, easy way to fix that, take the frame way and just lay the mattress on the ground.)" But if you are not able to find out what it is she is afraid of, then someone (a professional) needs to.
