Replies to 'Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship'

I agree with all you have said. My thoughts about being so focused on her friend and friends has botherered me honestly for 2+ years now, which is proabably when we started to lose the romance. At that time, half of it was me as I was caught up in work and a very long commute that exhausted me. I hoped that moving to a place that would allow more family time and less financial stress would help us, but the devotion to friends got higher. Then, the last year we have been in this personal crisis and grief, it has pulled us further apart instead of closer including very straight out desire for her to be left alone only with her friends. ("Yeah vacation was good but I would rather be with my girls!" - she doesn't realize how much that hurts and is offensive including to her children too) Her sister now agrees and plans to perform her own intervention. I think my wife is getting nervous or paranoid herself about intervention cuz she has asked me to speak and talk to other people beyond her family and our close friends. Healthy for me yes, but why is it OK for her not to find new friends and new outlets to talk about I need to do it. I have been doing more of it the last 2-3 months. In my state of paranoia, I read into it that she feels I am pushing to hard to get her back to me or someone on my side. (she will often joke but know says it with a snicker ..."its all about me").

So on your advice, after 1 meeting my therapist does want my wife to come in but said lets hold off for a while maybe a month so we have some more sessions, she can ponder more about what I said so she does not feel pushed, a friend might say something, and she has another girls trip coming up. Eventually, he wants me to ask her to come see him herself to help me, then a session together. Let's see. As my head gets better, I am willing to let the anniversary of my friends death pass in 3 months then work towards helping us if that's what will help. As I said to her sister, it is one thing to be in a rut but to not communoicate to me and not show any emotion at all, then obviously she has shut me out except for being a provider and father. No wonder she cannot connect to me any other way.

Second, on bringing God and our faith into it. I think that would help, but she has totally distance herself from the church. She goes if at all over the last 3-4 months as obligation for the children or family (mom, etc.). I though about Marriage Encounter weekend as I know other friends have done this, but at this point I am sure she would bug out on that too. We have both fell a little away from church since moving. We do not have the fellowship connection that we did at our old home, but I at least still enjoy mass and also going on my own just to pray. She has not done something like that for months.

So I will take care of myself, take baby steps, slowly prompt her for help and at some point she has to realize that being in a marriage as roommates (or brother and sister as she put it) is not right and healthy.

thank you again for listening and writing back. Writing about it out loud helps me with my thoughts so I handle it better and handle my own therapy better.