Replies to 'How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me'

Hey Renee'

OK, so a little more about me and the Navy: I was enlisted in the Delayed Entry Program right before I graduated high school.  I was going to be an interpreter, and I was tested and qualified for the most difficult languages, like Arabic, Chinese, and Korean.  So, I was supposed to leave for Basic Training in October, and then go to CA to learn a language.  My husband and I were very good friends at that time, and he and I both joined the cult(obviously we didn't think it was a cult at the time) in June.  By July, our "pastor" had me so confused that I wasn't even the same person.  I lost most of my friends, alienated my family, and wasn't allowed to be a counselor at the kids summer Bible camp that I loved so much.  I didn't really care, though, because I was convinced that I had finally found the truth and thought I was following God's will.  I told my recruiter that I couldn't join the Navy, and was eventually released from my contract in September.  While in the cult, I was taught that women shouldn't speak in church when men were present, they shouldn't wear jewelry or makeup, they shouldn't cut or dye their hair, they shouldn't wear pants, and they have to wear veils over their heads when they pray.  Since leaving the cult, I've gone back to the person I used to be, and no longer follow any of those rules.  I feel like I've erased almost all evidence of that experience, except for my history with the Navy.  That was a dream for me, and I gave it up for all the wrong reasons.  Now, I'm afraid to call a recruiter to find out if I'm still eligible to join, because I don't want to lose the hope that maybe someday I can get that dream back.

So, anyway, enough about me.  Your sister-in-law sounds like someone who would be difficult to like.  It must be so hard to live with her.  I don't know how I would handle someone treating one of my brothers like that.  That would make me pretty mad, I think.  I understand that you don't want them to have problems, but that you do want them to see that you're not the problem.  That makes sense.  It's not that you want them to keep having troubles after you're gone, just that you know they will, and you hope then they will have to see that the problem is with them, and not with you.  Maybe if they stop blaming you for the trouble in their relationship, they can own up to the problems and do something about them.  You know, like Dr. Phil says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge."  Just keep counting down to September...your day of freedom...

I'm glad to hear that you're feeling so good today.  Are you still taking that new medication that you were trying, or did your doctor let you stop taking it?  I hope you can find something to give you more days of feeling good. :)

I will talk to you more later, and keep you posted on any new information on the Navy.  Have another great day, OK? :)

Sarah