Quote From: lexie007My father was a violent, abusive, alcoholic when I was a child. After I grew up, he
stopped drinking and turned into a different person. He is a better father now but
has never apologized, never expressed any guilt or even acts like he has done anything
wrong.
He has step grandchildren that he has almost raised. He treats those kids so kind
and they love him dearly.
I only see my dad a couple weeks a year. When he is around, all he can talk about is
his (step) grandchildren. He was visiting this year around Fathers Day, after I gave him a
present, he said thank you, let me tell you about a card my (his step granddaughter)
gave me(and his wife) this year. He went on to let me know she wrote that the only
good part of her childhood was with them. How much she loved him and how lucky
she was to have such a great person as a grandfather and he was like a dad to her.
I WANTED TO SAY - I wish I had that type of childhood as well. If I had to send you a
card it would say, thank you for beating me and my siblings and mother. Thank you
for making us have to sneak out of the bedroom window in the snow without shoes
on because you were in a drunken tirade. Thank you for shooting at our car that same
night. Thank you for breaking my nose when I was nine years old. Thank you for not
sending child support after my mom divorced you. Did you know that we very often
went without food because of that. Thank you for not wanting me and my siblings
after our mother died when we were pre teens. We were sent to another abusive
home that wanted my younger siblings but not myself, so I was tossed from home
to home until I turned eighteen. I could go on and on and on.
It just hurts me so bad that he acts like nothing ever happened and he thinks he is
father of the year. My dad is getting old and is very sick. We have never discussed
anything that happened in the past. I don't even know how to approach the subject.
Any suggestions?
Well, both of my parents and all 4 of my grandparents have passed away. I took care of them
when they were sick and until they passed away - with my mother being the hardest to take
care of since we had no relationship and she was abusive to me my whole life.
I only told her my thoughts once or twice my whole life, which I lived to regret. But, knowing
what I know now, I think I would go ahead and discuss my past with her, regardless of it's
outcome. At least I would know for myself I had told her what I felt and how she has affected
me and my life.
If I were you, try to pick the right time and tell him that it really hurts you to hear how
wonderful his other relationships are and how you feel you have none with him. Tell
him how hard it is for you to bring it up, but you feel you need to discuss it to move on.
He'll either understand or he won't. It's his decision to own up to it. It's your
decision whether or not you truly want to talk to him about it. Personally, I'd go for it.
Let me know what you decide.
Renee'
