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cass53
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August 23, 2008, 10:03 pm PDT

Toxic Family Relationships

Quote From: nrotfps

My Father is a controlling manipulative self centered jerk.   My sister married someone she didn't love at the age of 18 just so she could get out of the house and then my parents forced her to divorce him within three years ultimately driving her to drug and alcohol abuse...   My Dad has a nasty streak in him not nasty in the sense of abusing us it was a nasty/mean sense of humor purposely doing things just for the sheer pleasure of humiliating us in front of our friends and relatives .   He takes pleasure in ruining special occasions like weddings birthdays Christmas. Nothing is special or sacred to him.   Things weren't bad 100% of the time with Dad at times he was a lot of fun but he could also be a huge ass when he wanted to be.   My Mother became ill with cancer and he mellowed somewhat but when she went into remission he went back to being  a selfish and self centered jerk.   Mom died six years ago Dad changed completely he became much more reserved,loving and caring,it didn't last long..   He dated a few women nothing serious until three years ago he began dating his current lady friend (a woman my Mother hated with a passion BTW)  and now everything is all about her, and she's an even bigger self centered jerk than he is!     Since he began dating her I've seen him four times in three years and he hasn't visited me in two  years. However they visit her children almost every week and have flewn to California several times to visit her son.     My sister and I are only allowed to visit them when it's convenient for his " lady friend",my husband and I have to stay in a hotel or bring our camper and stay in a campground when we visit and we spend a few hours with them at dinner Friday or Saurday out of a three day weekend. Her kids can visit whenever they want and don't need permission.     I'm glad he has found someone who makes him happy but I don't like being treated like a second class citizen so I had it out with my Dad. He wouldn't talk to me in person so we argued over the phone.. instead of saying he was sorry, he hung up on me and didn't speak to me for months.   Last year on Father's day weekend we went to visit (with permission first) we rented a vacation home,Dad and his lady friend came over for a few hours on Father's day I made him a special dinner it was a disaster Dad ruined it like usual he acted like a jerk,I haven't been home since then.   My sister is clean and sober now she's found a wonderful Man and they are getting married soon. My Dad announced yesterday he and his "friend" will not be attending her wedding his " lady friends" son is flying in from California to visit that weekend and they would rather be with him. My sister is hurt and I'm furious I'm at my wits end with him I just don't know what to do anymore. I never thought I'd ever say this but  Dad has driven me to the point of despising him.   I have decided that for now if Dad can not attend my sisters wedding and can not be bothered with us I can not be bothered with him My husband and I had plans to pay a surprise visit to him labor day weekend. I cancelled our hotel reservations and we are going elsewhere we will not be visiting Dad and his friend.   Maybe my sister can be treated like crap and still welcome him with open arms but I can't. I'm in my early 40's I'm not that 16 year old girl that has to do what Mom and Dad tell her..   Since Mom died I have felt alone but never as alone as I feel now thanks to Dad.    I know the Bible says honor your Mother and Father but what if your father is like mine?
      
 
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pinalou
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August 24, 2008, 7:30 pm PDT

Toxic Family Relationships

Quote From: nrotfps

My Father is a controlling manipulative self centered jerk.   My sister married someone she didn't love at the age of 18 just so she could get out of the house and then my parents forced her to divorce him within three years ultimately driving her to drug and alcohol abuse...   My Dad has a nasty streak in him not nasty in the sense of abusing us it was a nasty/mean sense of humor purposely doing things just for the sheer pleasure of humiliating us in front of our friends and relatives .   He takes pleasure in ruining special occasions like weddings birthdays Christmas. Nothing is special or sacred to him.   Things weren't bad 100% of the time with Dad at times he was a lot of fun but he could also be a huge ass when he wanted to be.   My Mother became ill with cancer and he mellowed somewhat but when she went into remission he went back to being  a selfish and self centered jerk.   Mom died six years ago Dad changed completely he became much more reserved,loving and caring,it didn't last long..   He dated a few women nothing serious until three years ago he began dating his current lady friend (a woman my Mother hated with a passion BTW)  and now everything is all about her, and she's an even bigger self centered jerk than he is!     Since he began dating her I've seen him four times in three years and he hasn't visited me in two  years. However they visit her children almost every week and have flewn to California several times to visit her son.     My sister and I are only allowed to visit them when it's convenient for his " lady friend",my husband and I have to stay in a hotel or bring our camper and stay in a campground when we visit and we spend a few hours with them at dinner Friday or Saurday out of a three day weekend. Her kids can visit whenever they want and don't need permission.     I'm glad he has found someone who makes him happy but I don't like being treated like a second class citizen so I had it out with my Dad. He wouldn't talk to me in person so we argued over the phone.. instead of saying he was sorry, he hung up on me and didn't speak to me for months.   Last year on Father's day weekend we went to visit (with permission first) we rented a vacation home,Dad and his lady friend came over for a few hours on Father's day I made him a special dinner it was a disaster Dad ruined it like usual he acted like a jerk,I haven't been home since then.   My sister is clean and sober now she's found a wonderful Man and they are getting married soon. My Dad announced yesterday he and his "friend" will not be attending her wedding his " lady friends" son is flying in from California to visit that weekend and they would rather be with him. My sister is hurt and I'm furious I'm at my wits end with him I just don't know what to do anymore. I never thought I'd ever say this but  Dad has driven me to the point of despising him.   I have decided that for now if Dad can not attend my sisters wedding and can not be bothered with us I can not be bothered with him My husband and I had plans to pay a surprise visit to him labor day weekend. I cancelled our hotel reservations and we are going elsewhere we will not be visiting Dad and his friend.   Maybe my sister can be treated like crap and still welcome him with open arms but I can't. I'm in my early 40's I'm not that 16 year old girl that has to do what Mom and Dad tell her..   Since Mom died I have felt alone but never as alone as I feel now thanks to Dad.    I know the Bible says honor your Mother and Father but what if your father is like mine?

It sounds to me like your father just mimics what he has heard from his lady friend. I think it is an insecurity thing but I don't know what makes these men tick. They have NO mind of their own. I hope Dr. Phil does a show on this subject. Stupid or ill ? Which is it ? It is not normal behavior. I find my husband does this too. I didn't notice this about my own husband until we were married for more than 20 years. Now, when he repeats me or agrees with me on everything I say...I get angry. I feel like I am living with myself. One of my sons is like this too. He repeats everything his wife says. If she says the sky is red, then it must be. My other sons don't have this problem, so it can't be ALL men. My brother is also like this with his wife. Now that I am older my antenna's are up.

 

I am so sorry for your situation. You already lost a mom and your dad is preoccupied in his own mind?

 

Ask Dr. Phil if he could help you.
 
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