Quote From: starroseThis is how things work with him. Whenever I come over to the area where they live, she always comes with us. It has been decided by him, that she will come along, he says based on their culture - The fact that he is married and he is friends with someone who is single and younger than his wife. He said that it has something to do with appearances, a married man going out with a single woman. I don't see it that way at all. I am not attracted to him sexually, so that would never happen. I think it's a jealousy thing on her part and she probably doesn't want to be left out. She and I are not friends and I wish to leave it that way. So, there really wasn't any discussion between him and I about how I felt about her always coming along. I do understand about significant others, but to always come along when you are not friends with them seems a little odd, almost like it's forced socializing. When I come over to his side and it's not a thank you lunch, they pay for my lunch, but it turns out that we get together for more thank you lunches, so I end up paying more times, for both of them. I certainly do not want to come across as selfish or inconsiderate, I am in no way any of those. I just want to find out what is fair. I work near him so sometimes just he and I get together for lunch. But, when he comes over to where I live, she is invited, but never comes out with him. I have always wondered about that. So, him saying that his wife has to always come along in my opinion is bull because she never comes over to my area. There is something not right about that statement. The issue here is the other person. Since the thank you is to him why should I always have to pay for her lunch?
Marriage is a belief system and certain cultures do not approve of outside relationships with other people that are considered intimate, such a lunch dates, coffee chats, drinks to discuss work, sport activities, etc. It has nothing to do with being sexually attracted to him or not but just their beliefs. I would try to learn a little about that culture first, then you can understand better what your friend might be experiencing.
You are not being selfish or inconsiderate at all to expect certain things, but you must not be too disappointed when what you want is not the reality of the situation. Look at what is, not what you want ti to be like.
I have two really good friends, they are husband and wife, and because I am single they love taking me out because it is a given, its just me and thats all they have to pay for. But when you get a third person in on the equasion, whether by invite or default, it makes it complicated and unclear.
I think you might need to find another dining companion. LOL
