Quote From: leelu1Hi. this problem has been going on for some time now, and I feel that it's wrong of me to say anything like, "just butt out or leave me alone".
My brother works for a major firm and has 3 kids (2, 7& 11), a nice car and is divorced, but is seeing someone ( she works for a major firm as well has 2 kids, teens) They both have high paying jobs and most of the time want for nothing.
My husband makes a good salary and is capable of taking care of our little family. There's 3 of us. we have a car, outdated but it does what we need it to do. Our daughter is 11. I stopped working in 2003 after I got really sick and was told to prioritize by my doctor. I was over-worked, sleep deprived, stressed and didn't even spend time with my daughter. So I slowed down and things slowly began to make sense.
I had recently divorced and was just trying to plant my feet again. But for some reason I didn't want to go back to work for anyone. So I did a course and got a top award from it. It was my then best friend (my present husband) really got me into it, (computer graphics). Eventually we were married and have no other choice but to live with my family till we get a place. We have our little business at home. It doesn't make thousands per month but it's a passion and my husband still has his job of 13 years.
My brother (older), who lives next door has a problem with me not working out of the home. If I go over to talk to him about anything, it always leads to me not working. And I should be more than a HOUSE-WIFE. "You're just there" he says, "putting on weight and the business isn't picking up fast enough." He even brought it up in front of his g/friend. I felt sooo very embarrassed. I felt degraded as well. My brother keeps telling me that he is sure my husband wants me to work but is afraid to say it and hurt my feelings. I"ve spoken to my husband on many occasions about it and he still feels that if I want to go out to work, it's my choice and he supports me 100% no matter what I do. Once my health is great and I'm not stressed he's great.
I love it when I cook dinner or make some new recipe and they go crazy over it. I LOVE taking care of my family....But I feel horrible if we pay off bills and other things and have almost nothing the week before pay day. Sometimes I feel like such a failure to my family and then having to hear it constantly from my brother makes me feel so depressed. Part of me is afraid too that if I go back out to work I'll get all involved in it like I was before and neglect my family like I did my daughter all those years ago. I told my brother that when my daughter starts high school next year I'll think about something part-time. But he isn't backing down. Please give me a bit of advice? After being badgered by my brother so often, I spend many nights unable to sleep & crying (like now) thinking how horrible I am to be putting all the financial pressure on my husband.
High flyers with 3 children delagate an awful lot of childcare and logistics to other people. Your brother does not realise the impact of taking on an outside job would have. His view is probably that you got very run down in the aftermath of your divorce and now it is about time you pushed yourself into returning to "normality". You on the other hand seem to be getting very concerned with your brother's opinion in the face of your husband's repeated assertions that the current situation is fine with him. The sleepless nights crying aren't doing you any good either. In your position I'd go back to the doctor who told you to prioritise and get a professional opinion as to where you are in terms of 4 years ago - improved, much improved or still some way to go. Then decide what you can manage to take on. Personally I'think putting a bit more time into your business would be the way to go. Perhaps you are relying too much on word of mouth and not marketing yourself strongly enough? Another course on business management might help.
