Replies to '12/28 Wifestyles'

I agree with both of you.  I see how trying to do what society expects or what we think is acceptable is destructive to a person's health & happiness. 

  

Not being able to conceive children was the one of the biggest heartaches of my life; the biggest of my past several years.  We considered invitro, but didn't want to seem like we were shaking our fists at God and saying "we're going to have it our way."   

  

If it was meant to be, it would happen.  Recently, I thought I was pregnant.  And although thrilling and fantastic at first, it was terrifying as the days went on until I found out for sure I wasn't.  Everything about our lives would change.  Everything.  And it would be exhausting.  And college education -- we're in our 40's now.  How to pay for that when I've not even completed my own? 

  

We believe if it happened, it would turn into the biggest blessing in our lives.  But faced with the reality of it, we realized any number of scenarios could play out.  Diabilities, or you work your butt off to raise good kids and then they grow up and you don't hear from them much at all.  Or they turn to drugs.  Or crime.  It's not a guarantee that you'll be strolling down a lane arm in arm happy as can be.  And I'm not saying I'd be parenting to get something in return.  But there is a joy in loving someone so much you'd do anything for them.  There's a joy in having a child that we're missing out on.  So I know it's sad.   

  

The harsh truth is that my parents were so horrible to have as parents that it took me decades upon decades to get myself together to even be able to consider being a good parent.  So maybe it was meant to be.  After the "scare" of being pregnant in my forties, I'm at peace with it.   

  

The economy is causing a lot of stress and adjustments in the lives of the middle class & lower class, and I'm not comfortable bringing a child into the world without the assurance I could help them pay for college and have a "normal" life.  I mean, as kids, we never had enough to eat.  And our clothes weren't "cool," so I felt a lot of pain & shame.  And if we were to overcome all that, they'd still have my parents as grandparents, and it's impossible to describe here how unhealthy and toxic they would be for kids we might have.  In my case, it's better to have gone without having the kids than have them before I was able to be a good parent to them.  We could be great parents to them now, but being so late in life, our energy and lack of 1youthfulness would be a detriment to our ability to be the best parents possible.  But that's not so for everyone our age. 

I want babies, but don't know about when they become teenagers.   I want kids & yet I suspect they would get on my nerves.  It's a two-sided coin, I guess.  We're okay without them, but babies are sooooo cute!!  Diaper changing is really the pits, though.