Replies to 'True Love'

I met my true love when I was finishing college (I was 22 and he was 30)  We had a great relationship, we were so good together.  I tried to get him to settle down with me because I was tired of dating and wanted commitment, and when I found the right one, why drag it out?  He was not ready to settle down yet.   

I was introduced to my husband at this same time.  He was totally in love with me, I was not ( he was not my true love).  I dated my husband to try and get my true love to realize that I would move on, if he didn't commit to me (Immature, i know) Any way my husband convinced me to move to a different city to live with him and 3 months later he proposed and 6 months after that we were married (very rushed...  We were married just at a year from when we first met).  I thought that if I couldn't have my true love, then security was second best.  I didn't know about all the "family drama" he had on his side of the family (lots of problems)  I didn't know about all the debt he had accrued before meeting me (didn't find out till 2 years later) I didn't realize how affected he was by the troubled childhood he was raised in.  We have a son 2 years old.  I quit work when I had him, because that is what I wanted to do my whole life, stay home and take care of the kids.  We are in financial trouble.  I had no idea how bad until 2 years ago, after quitting my job to stay home.  He had told me we were in good shape and most everything should be paid off by the time I quit.  Well that was far from the truth.  My parents helped us out and we are still in bad shape.  He is in denial.  I took over the finances because he wasn't paying everything on time or every month.  He is also VERY perticular about how the house is kept.  He comes home from work complaining about how messy the house is (when it is not a mess).  He even makes jokes to his mom (who is also a neat freak) about how I don't keep up the house very well.  She even comes over and cleans the house when she is here!  So I don't have the security I wanted from my husband. 

I never have got my true love out of my mind.  I think about him alot, even dream about him (us being married, etc.) Right after I had our son, my true love wrote me a short note asking what had become of me...was I married, any kids, etc.  I didn't respond.  I didn't know what to say (I made a big mistake I am in love with you, but I am married with a new baby.)  Any way I continue to think about him and this week I got the nerve to contact him and see how he was doing, if he was married, any kids, and could we try to keep in touch with each other.  Expecting him to have moved on and hoping he would remember me from 5 years ago.  To my surprise he has never been married and no kids.  He said didn't know what he had till I left town.  He wanted to tell me not to leave, but he thought I was happy with my husband and didn't want to cause problems.  He told me he was being punnished from God for letting me go.  He said he can't find anyone that can even compare to the relationship we had together.  I am now very confused...  Do I stay in my marriage and be okay and raise our son or do I leave to find true love, and be excited about my life?  Please, any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks.