Quote From: annelynne<<Get the evidence to make your case & be sure about what is going on BEFORE you ask him.>>
This is such great advice. I accused my husband without proof and
he just got sneakier. It actually became more thrilling for them at
that point.
<<If this woman is married then make it clear that her husband deserves to know
what she is up to.>>
If you warn this woman that you are going to tell her husband, she will
get to him first and tell him you are some crazy woman. This happened
to me, and since then I have heard it is very common. If you have
absolute proof, that's one thing. But if you don't, he'll just laugh
you off and the affair partners will just go deeper underground.
<<Only you can make that decision - think long & hard and
seek objective counsel (friends are well-meaning but might not be best
advisors).>>
I think this is such good advice. If your husband is cheating you
will be very upset, and your friends will be so angry to see how he is
hurting you. They will be quick to say, "Kick the bum out" when
really, they don't know what they would do in the same situation. Make
sure you really think it through. My husband was going through a
mid-life crisis and his emotions were all over the place. Because I
was so hurt, I kicked him out immediately. He went straight to OW, and
the rest is history. Our marriage is over, and seeing the impact on my
daughter, I wish I'd taken a few days to cool off before making my
decision - he had left it in my hands. Because he showed no
compunction to end the relationship on the spot, I felt I had no
choice. But always have the what ifs - what if I'd given him time to
break it off? What if I'd confronted her myself?
And if he is cheating, please try to limit who you tell to extremely
trustworthy people, who will support you in whatever decision you
make. If you want to restore your marriage, they may be your best allies as a couple.
It gets so hard - dealing with the anger, despair, neediness. Being betrayed is like getting stabbed in the back & it is a foolish thing to expect truth from the coward who could do that to you. That impulse to "make" your partner stay & love US is the biggest pitfall - it's an instinct - by keeping your cool, hopefully you will carve out the time and objectivity to figure out for yourself whether it's worth it. You don't have anything to prove, remember that - THEY do. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. The reality is that people change & affections shift, that's just life. Sneaking & skulking around is too low for words & despite best intentions I think it affects trust, respect & credibility - the foundation of a good relationship. At some point if things don't improve you might just have to step over the slime to get up to better ground. Don't waste your time on a lost cause, there's no point in playing the martyr.
