Replies to 'I Want to Adopt'

I just want to tell you that before getting involved in adoption I would think twice,  

because the child that would be adopted has already lived a great lost, don’t forget those children come from somewhere else, they did not just appear out of the bleu like that, they have a past AND EVEN IF IT'S A YOUNG BABY it live a trauma to be separate from the birth mother. so those children need love and care  

and most importantly they only know the one parents they have and even if the parent are the worst parent on earth, even if they took drugs even if they raped or try to kill them, to those children THEY ARE THE ONLY PARENT THEY HAD  

and since they are the only parents they have they don’t even have the knowledge that how he/ she lived (even a baby) was the most horrible way, 

for them they tough that how they lived was normal everyday life.  

even the worst neglected child that is taken away from is parent lives pain and hurt and misses them and good parenting is scary for them and love is new from them and to a neglected child for him love can be invasion and feel suffocated 

         (I’m not saying don’t love them NO its just you have to give a child time to adjust),  

for a child like that watching him for his safety can be intrusive....  

So you must realised and think if you should make a child go trough separation again and all the anxiety you could cause and the risk of causing a child an attachment problem, because you could be the third family that child moves in or in some case the 4th or 5th.

                        I'm not saying don’t adopt you are bad if you do.

I'm saying and suggesting to you; both get a divorce first put your life in order and then adopt . 

not until because you'll cause that child grief if you ever separate later.  

Even if you are the best parent in the word and have the greatest of intension your divorce could cause great stress, pain, anxiety, grief to a child.

just think about the consequence the child you both have will live, 

 your child will survived because you are both is parents, but do you realised that the new child the consequence of a separation what it will do? 

 if your child will hurt can your realise the other new one what it will be. He has to live an adaptation period and it can take time and then, when he'll trust your family you get a divorce!  

How would you like to live that? the consequence  

You have the best of intention and I’m sure if you read this you will think it trough, you probably already know since your a military wife that we are away from home and our family,  

you should know (unless you never were transferred or separated)  

the grief that can be lived when we lose someone for a period of time, and the anxiety of being all alone whit no one close to you that you really truly know.  

The new child lives all that but intensify because he don’t have the knowledge that we do have as adult.

If you have to, get a career and separate, then live your separation and loss, and them maybe it will be more convenable to adopt.