Topic : 02/13 Love Smart Island, Part 1

Hi Dr.Phil, 

 I really enjoyed your show today as I do with all of your shows. But this one touched a nerve, why is it always the young women that needs help in dating department? I don't get that , at that age they are just getting started. 

 However, how about women like me who are single and has no where to look for love in all the right places. I'm 52 yrs, and it seems to me that men my age are all with the same line to me.. and that is ALWAYS, do you work.? Now my point here is this Dr.Phil, Why is this always the issue? If you say no they shy away...(sad). 

  I worked allright raising my 3 children which I may add all turned out very successful .Divorced the husband whom was a truck driver at the time and never home , either working or out womanizing , the last year which he had 9 girlfriends so as you see I had quite a load on top of that I took care of my mother,  

  Now I feel inside that I am nobody , on account of all I ever did in my life is raise children, and get no credit for that. This was in my opinion the hardest job in the world and I wanted to be the one who raised them not, babysitters, daycare, etc. 

  Lost without hope. It's either my age, or I don't work. 

                       Thanks Dr. Phil for all your shows  

I am 40. I was married for 15 years, and a stay at home mom who homeschooled our children when my husband decided he wanted out and just left. It's been 6 years and I haven't a clue where to look. I have spent so much time and energy on trying to keep things together financially after he left and suddenly I'm 40. I would love to have somebody in my life to enjoy and to be enjoyed by but I don't know where to find one. It does seem that these types of shows are focused on younger women. What about  those of us who are a bit older and may not be quite as "barbie"? What about us Dr Phil? 

Here I am separated in my mid 50s after 30 years of marriage and not knowing where to even begin. My friends talked me into signing up for an Internet dating site. I signed up and one month later, I have no hits. The men my age want women in their 30s and 40s. Get real... 

I don't want to hit the bar scene. I'm a successful accountant and I'm looking for love...obviously in all the wrong places! 

Help, Dr. Phil! 

I also rate a man's attractiveness by his laughter, his smile and eyes.  A great laugh and warm smile are very attractive.  I watched the whole show and although I'm older than all of the ladies on the island I did pick up a couple of pointers about eye contact and warmth.  I am very warm and friendly until I am interested in someone.  Then I become relationship challenged.    

I watched today's show and it left me feeling empty.  I understand that you have to "Love Smart" (yes, I have bought the book and in the process of re-reading it).  I wonder if the women on the show were a true "cross section" of  single women.  What about the women (like me) who are thrown back in the dating world at the age of 40. 

I am 43 y/o, have been separated / divorced for a total of 5 years.  I have 3 older sons, and I am at the point of my life that I can do things without having to worry about getting a babysitter.  I am currently on Match.com and eharmony (very expensive site).  Dating at the age of 40+ is horrific.  Where do you go to meet quality people / men?  Night clubs are only for the "younger people".   Most of the men that I meet have children who are very young.  I don't know if I want to do that part again. 

Am I being too picky?  Maybe.  I don't want an "old fart",  I want someone who is Nice, funny (got to have a sense of humor), has brains (ok, don't have to be mensa, but know when to come in from the rain), I want someone who does not live with parent(s), Someone who will treat me with respect. 

There has to be some way for older, wiser, better women to find a quality man.  I am not asking for a dozen, I will take just one. 

I really enjoyed the show today and I'm looking forward to watching tomorrow's show. I found out a little bit about myself today, things I have suspected but probably didn't want to face. I'm a 60 year old widow. I was happily married for 30 years, been alone for 8 years now. It took me a long time to get back out on the dating scene, it's been a real eye-opener in many ways.  

Now the problem...me...I'm the problem. I recognized myself today. I have so many walls up that no one can even begin to get passed them. I meet these really nice guys, we have a great time over coffee or lunch and then I never see them again because I just don't feel anything. It's not their fault, I just don't allow myself to feel anything. 

I don't know if watching my husband die a day at a time has anything to do with it or the fact that I fell in love with a man a few years ago who was really good with the physical but couldn't handle the emotional connection to me. It scared him and now everyone scares me. 

I do have one suggestion for all of you wondering where to go to meet someone. I joined every dance class I could find, while I have yet to master any of them...I have made some of the most wonderful and supportive friends anyone could ever hope for. I lost weight and gained confidence but most of all I have learned how to dance like nobody's watchin. I may be alone but people, I'm not lonely. 

Yes, I am frustrated because most of the men my age are looking at the young ones. Once in a while they get them. You would be surprised at how many men in their 50's are on the singles sites, divorced and raising children under the age of 10. Yep, they got just what they wanted and she left them with the kids. 

Please all of you 40 and 50 somethings .. stop the whining!  I am 48 and have been divorced over 6 years.  I have been through just about every avenue to meet a partner as everyone else. I am still single, not seeing anyone and I  have learned a few valuable things along the way which I would like to share.   

1. Dating/relationships are not easy whether you are 20, 30, 40 or 50. Stop comparing yourself to women/men  who are younger, richer, smarter, etc. then you and take care of what you have.  There is going to always be someone better out there. Stay fit ... mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. 

2. Do what please YOU first. I am taking classes so I can get my motorcycle license.  If I meet someone there, great .. if not I will be doing something I ENJOY. 

3. Look around at those people who already make your life more meaniningful.  Not all love relationships involve physical intimacy or come to us in a manner we expect.  I have an inner circle of a few women and male friends who I treasure.