Topic : 02/13 Love Smart Island, Part 1

This may sound funny but I wanted to grow up and be Samantha Stevens of Bewitched.  What I saw was a woman who had her own power and didn’t have to give it up to the perfect wife, the perfect partner, and the perfect mother who could give her man a soft place to land.  So I spent most of my young life finding me.  I made a list of all of the skills that I thought I would need to be that perfect woman.  My thinking was that if I were the perfect woman then the perfect man would come along.  I interviewed older people asking divorced guys what caused the breaking point and for divorced women what did they think went wrong; for people that were married what kept / is keeping them together.  I kept older people around me that kept it real (sometimes too real).  And after many years, when I felt I was done I stepped out to an empty world, that I did not fit into.  I was a self actualized adult when it was not the “in” thing to be. 

I agree with one poster about being over 50 or for that matter 40.  I do have a comment funny how all the women chosen where white (I could have predicted that from the very beginning).  I know no one cares but for women of color this knowledge is always painful, somehow we are never, ever right.

 ....is  a TV host, or screen writer, or novelist,  who would set up a dating situation where the looks of the women and the men are reversed; that is, where a plain or homely or fat woman ends up with a choice of good looking, rich men.   I am so annoyed at all these stories whose themes are intended to convey that despite your looks, you can score a quality mate, that beauty is only skin deep and, that only  superficial people seek beauty in a mate.  These themes NEVER explicitly state that this is true, FOR MEN ONLY.

In other words, I say that in the story "Beauty and the Beast", the beast absolutely MUST be male, and that a  "quality mate" for the hideous beast is a euphemism for a "beautiful mate".  I have NEVER seen these sex roles reversed in any Beauty and the Beast variation.

I have concluded that there are no real men, the few that we occasionaly catch are indeed just playing men, they are truly clueless and Dr. Phil is clueless if he thinks that real men exist.

80% of all 50-year-old women do not have a man in their lives, either as a result of divorce, widowhood or never-married. So there is really little chance that there is much hope for a busy dating scene at this age. These dating-advice shows focus on younger people because they are the ones who have dating as part of their life. But there is still lots of ways to have fun and adventure- getting together with girl friends, working to be better at your job, good literature or even taking in a show by yourself. But for 50 year olds- it's would be very rare if that included dating.

Thanks to a really active listener I met when I was 17, I have really good self-esteem.  It has probably been the saving grace of keeping a good attitude throughout my life.   You know he made a great impression if I'm still thinking about it 22 years later and I only met him once.  :)  I have a different problem from most of the 'picky' girls, I'm everyone's buddy.  I never get asked out and when I do the asking I get 'I don't want to ruin the friendship' .  I make friends, everywhere I go even if I don't know a soul when I get there (male & female).  I talk to everyone, grocery stores, community activities, karaoke night....everywhere. 

  

Now I know I'm not perfect, I had the unfortunate experience of having been in an automobile accident and went from an athlete to someone who couldn't even hardly walk.  I didn't let that slow me down...I have worked my way back to being able to to exercise regularly even if I still can't use the stairs. But I'm big...not flabby, but big.  I'm still very cute and have an insanely developed sense of humor. 

  

I am getting thinner....very slowly, but I'm really not in a hurry because I don't think that's the problem.  I had the same problem when I was thin.  Do you address anything like this in your book?  I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  Am I too warm?    

Does that make me too easy going and not enough of a challenge?  Help? 

  

  

I'm also 49 and single after 20 years of marriage. I would love a Love Smart Island for over 40's. In the meantime there is always Match.com that now features Dr Phil advice for singles. I'm a user and I’m having some success with it. Of course it's all about learning. Learning to date again takes time, but it's turning out to worth the effort.

80% of all 50-year-old women do not have a man in their lives, either as a result of divorce, widowhood or never-married. So there is really little chance that there is much hope for a busy dating scene at this age. These dating-advice shows focus on younger people because they are the ones who have dating as part of their life. But there is still lots of ways to have fun and adventure- getting together with girl friends, working to be better at your job, good literature or even taking in a show by yourself. But for 50 year olds- it's would be very rare if that included dating.

where a plain or homely or fat woman ends up with a choice of good looking, rich men.   

  

I have to say, they kind of put me off too with the 'quality women' comments.  I blame the Flinstones, King of Queens, and the 'Big Three' news shows.