Topic : 02/14 Love Smart Island, Part 2

I have a single brother who is turning 31 soon. He has a bachelors degree in Psychology. He is wonderful with his 5 nieces and nephews and would love to have children of his own. He is intelligent, loving and respectful. He is quiet and doesn't get himself out there enough. He doesn't attend church services and doesn't enjoy bar scenes or clubbing. He plays classical guitar and loves classical music. He's not looking for a high maintenence or shallow woman. If you are looking for a wonderful man who is looking for commitment try here. Write me at emrei125@yahoo.com.  

I think January's problem is that she is being incredibly shallow, and very materialistic. If she spent half her time getting to know the person rather than worrying about what name brand he's wearing then she could probably find someone .  I know there will be certain things I like about someone, and some things I won't like about someone but,  what they are wearing, and whether it's name brand or not won't be one of them. 

I am firty one--an age range definitely more challenged in the dating world.  Lets face it--women and men in their twenties and thirties have many more options that glues a relationship together-such as kids, jobs, youthful exuberance.  When two people meet each other at 50 years old we have to truly be responsible to wanting and caring for each other without much more than the clothes we wear.  I understand there are many things that make a relationship-however I have been witness to countless thirtyish singles lip servicing relationship needs--jeez they spend more energy stating what they do not want more than what they do want..the explosion of empty nest divorces in parents finished raising their children(course we never stop) leaves a whole generation of men and women wondering what is in store for us in the future..I say--the youth may have the age thing goin but lets face it -we have all the money-and money buys freedom so lets just have fun, relax and leave ourselves open to possibilities as they may arise! Lets not eat ourselves into happiness, lets excersise ourselves into happiness--fit for life-Mark 

Okay, Dr. Phil's little experiment showed us that some women are shallow about looks. Yes, it's true. We all know this. We all know someone who has her heart set on a Brad Pitt look alike. 

And like many of you, I wanted to shake January.  

BUT...wouldn't it be nice to see the experiment reversed? Blindfold three handsome bachelors and pair them up with some "plain Janes" and see how they act when the blindfolds come off? Now THAT is something I would have liked to have seen. I would have enjoyed watching a guy who only dates supermodels to take off his blindfold and see he just went out with a woman who weighs more than 100 lbs. and doesn't have fake breasts. 

Yes, men are much more visually-oriented than women are. That's very true. I know this. But why does that  give them an excuse to not to be as open minded as Dr. Phil asked the three women to be?  

One last thing. About the short guy. My father was short and he often complained about being overlooked by women when he was single. So I understand that. But has this guy considered dating a shorter woman? He said he has only dated women taller than he is. When I was single, I would have gladly dated a shorter guy since I'm only five feet tall. Maybe he needs to widen his horizons a bit.  

...you thought the three young ladies on first were not very good looking and the more they talked, the uglier they became. 

...you would be embarrassed if they were your daughters! 

...think that that are very immature, not very intelligent, rude, lack manners and class, oh so much more! 

...you thought that "experiment" was stupid and cruel and didn't work! 

To the young ladies: 

No one should settle for Mr. Wrong.    There is so much more to life, love and marriage than looks and a hot body!  You won't understand until you get there, but boy do you have a lot to learn about life.   Enjoy your life, your youth now and just being you.  Do good things for yourself and improve who you are on the inside such as, take classes in something you've always wanted to try, travel, have fun with your girlfriends, give to others such as charity events/work, go to your church and enjoy it, learn about it.  And please, quit being so shallow and classless.  It looks and is bad!   When you least expect it,  along comes love.   You all seem to make love all about the superficial things which couldn't be further than the true meaning.   

If you are looking for the right mate, please do the above first, but also be sure to find a man that has a good heart, loves you for you, is not self-centered, has a job and an education, does not have an addiction to something that isn't healthy/good, an even temperment, actually likes his family, animals and kids and has a good spiritual soul.  He should also have some of the same interests as you and compliment who you are, not compete with you.    Notice I said nothing about looks or body type!  There are tons of men out there.  Some may also have the bonus of great looks, good looks, average looks but once you learn to love who someone is on the inside, you'll be amazed at how beautiful they are to you on the outside.  Those things you thought were gross on a man before, becomes the thing that you may just love and adore about him. 

When I was in HIGH SCHOOL my girlfriends and I sounded just like you.   I distinctly remember a moment while on a school trip to Walt Disney World.  While waiting in line with my friends, there was a guy with his family in front of us with back hair, yes, back hair.  All of us girls eewwed, whispered and said gross,(during our era I think it was "Oh my gosh, grody!).  That feature was not on the "list" we made of our perfect man.  Guess what...all of us and I mean all us married guys with back hair!!(My husband would die if he read this!:))But my point is, when you grow up, the important things about the man you love way, way overshadow the shallowness,(and back hair;)). 

I'm proud to say my husband and I have been married for 12 years, have 4 beautiful sons, lots of love, go to a wonderful church, have lots of friends/family.  We've been through deaths, friends divorces, a horrible accident, ups and downs of all kinds.  We have weathered the storms of love and life.  Never once have we said, "we've made it through all of these ups and downs in our marriage because of your hot body and good looks!  Thank God for those because we could have never survived losing my Mom or made it through  your car accident! In fact, I bet that's what pulled you out of that coma!  Our son survived that bad fall and stitches because you don't have any body hair!  Whew, Amen for that!":)   

As a mother of 4 sons, I'm watching out for girls like you.  No way and I mean no way do I want them to marry someone like you...unless of course you change.  I can only hope... 

Good luck! God bless!