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Topic : 09/06 Mr. Mooch

Number of Replies: 271
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Created on : Friday, February 10, 2006, 12:48:25 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/15/06) Dr. Phil talks to women who are the family breadwinners and are sick of living with freeloaders. Sarah says she's tired of supporting the man in her life -- and she's not even married to him yet! Her fiancé, Dan, worked just four weeks last year -- and only because he was ordered to by the courts. Sarah constantly begs him to get a job, has kicked him out three times, and says that if she doesn't hide her purse, he'll steal her money! Should she walk down the aisle with a man who wanted her to buy her own engagement ring? Then, Tricia makes three times as much as her husband, Glenn. She also does all the housework, takes care of their daughter and manages the finances -- after working a 12- to 16-hour day. Will Glenn ever step up to the plate? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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February 15, 2006, 12:00 pm CST

Mr. Mooch

SARAH SARAH SARAH------- 

 

Are you listening to Dr. Phil????? 

 

I and everyone else heard him LOUD and Clear!!!!! 

 

He asked Dan, "If she kicked you out of the house,  what would you do, or where would you go?" 

 

The man replied with....."I would find another SARAH!"........ 

 

Girl.....he didn't say, "Man I am going to run out, get a J-O-B, and win her back!", he said....he didnt care if you kicked him out, he was on to another woman to support  him. I want you to know, I had to pause live TV to come in here, register on this message board in hopes you would read it. If you need a friend or someone to talk to, please email me at tshirar@yahoo.com, i would like to hear from you, and let you know someone is out here who cares. Thanks for reading this- Toni 

 
February 15, 2006, 12:00 pm CST

he sounds...

Quote From: daharh1963

It's refreshing to see you did the right thing for yourself.  You also did the right thing for him.  Unfortunately, I have a close friend who went through a similar circumstance.  She has her PhD, single mother of two children, saved to buy a nice home.  Her husband?  Worked part-time.  Bought a new truck (using her credit), and she ended up driving his "so-so" car.  He bought her a computer (using her credit without her permission), but then used the computer for himself, taking it with him when he left her.  She took out a loan for their wedding and honeymoon - guess who's paying for that now?  He told her she couldn't attend a Super Bowl Party because she "didn't know enough about football".  Guess what?  Pics have now surfaced of him at the party with another girl.  NOW, after he finally left his wife (after cheating on her for most of their marriage), another woman has taken him in - he's living off her now!  AMAZING!! 

  

My rule??  Never date a man who has not been completely financially independent for at least 5 years and is actively employed.  If he's not employed, he needs to be concentrating on finding full-time employment instead of getting into a relationship anyway. 

my ex...and I found out later that he was actually a career criminal and this (what you describe above) is what he does for a living. I'm wondering if this is not the same man...if it is...well, then he is wanted in Kentucky or Ohio for fraud and the state will extradite up to 500 miles and I was told he (if ever caught) would go to prison for a looooong time. I would love to see him go to prison.  But, what you describe above sounds almost identical to what he did to me; except the car thing. The football line for me was golf and I kicked  him out but wished I hadn't after I found out he was wanted because I would have loved to see him go to prison. I found pictures of him later on the internet with my daughters baby gold earrings in his ears--he stole her earrings--anyway--i'm hopeful he'll be caught someday.
 
February 15, 2006, 12:08 pm CST

Employed Mooches

Quote From: daharh1963

It's refreshing to see you did the right thing for yourself.  You also did the right thing for him.  Unfortunately, I have a close friend who went through a similar circumstance.  She has her PhD, single mother of two children, saved to buy a nice home.  Her husband?  Worked part-time.  Bought a new truck (using her credit), and she ended up driving his "so-so" car.  He bought her a computer (using her credit without her permission), but then used the computer for himself, taking it with him when he left her.  She took out a loan for their wedding and honeymoon - guess who's paying for that now?  He told her she couldn't attend a Super Bowl Party because she "didn't know enough about football".  Guess what?  Pics have now surfaced of him at the party with another girl.  NOW, after he finally left his wife (after cheating on her for most of their marriage), another woman has taken him in - he's living off her now!  AMAZING!! 

  

My rule??  Never date a man who has not been completely financially independent for at least 5 years and is actively employed.  If he's not employed, he needs to be concentrating on finding full-time employment instead of getting into a relationship anyway. 

   

<<My rule??  Never date a man who has not been completely financially independent for at least 5 years and is actively employed. >> 

  

I married a guy who was working the whole time we were dating, and told me (and everyone else) that he had previously worked as a manager for a Fortune 500 company, a job he left to go to graduate school.  It was confirmed to me that he had worked continuously while in grad school, with the sorts of low-effort jobs that most students have.  He was in his last year of school when we got married.  Even though I had a good job, he never asked to borrow money, never asked me to pay for anything, and said he had ample savings from that good-paying management job.  I was impressed by his self-sufficiency. 

  

Imagine my surprise when, soon after we got married, he broke a basic work rule, got fired, and then refused to get a new job because we were getting by just fine on my income, so he "didn't need to work".   Clearly, he had been working for 5 years only because he hadn't lucked into girlfriends who could afford to support him 100%. 

  

I had always earned extra money with my computer.  Suddenly, that was no longer an option.  By the time I finished cleaning up after dinner, he was ensconced in front of the computer "working on his thesis", and was always "on a roll" where he could not be interrupted so that I could do some paying work; sounded to me more like he was playing Space Invaders.  He saw no reason why I couldn't buy myself a new computer so I could continue working at home, although the apartment was too small to put in another desk for another computer.  But, at church, this was twisted around to put him in the light of the one who'd been taken advantage of -- I used to have my own business, and as soon as I married him, I stopped working at it so he'd have to drain his savings to pay my bills. 

  

When I brought up his work history with his family, I found out that he had, in fact "worked for a Fortune 500 company" -- his family owned a franchise and put him on the payroll as an Assistant Manager with few actual duties, so that his mooching would be tax-deductible.   

  

For the next few years, he was constantly enrolled in one or another career-training course that would have led to good-paying jobs, all of which he dropped out of just as he reached the point of employability in that field.   

  

He finally came up with the notion that he wanted to become a teacher.  I suggested that since he already had a college degree, he could get hired as a substitute, and take the certification classes that were conveniently scheduled after school got out, and then the classes would be tax-deductible because they were advancing him in a job he was already in.  Instead, he made sure that everyone knew that I was "forcing him to stay in low-wage jobs" because I wouldn't pay for the teaching credential, and was horrified when some of them remembered that I had already paid for a lab tech course, paid for a paralegal course, paid for other courses....  They took my side, so he changed friends to people who didn't know that his wife wasn't as "selfish" as he said. 

  

When I took away the credit cards so that he'd have to work if he wanted to spend money, he simply applied for more behind my back.  I wouldn't find out about them till I got a call demanding payment.  Somehow, no one in the credit office ever noticed that the two signatures on the Joint Account Application were in the same handwriting.
 

  

Being married to this mooch cost me over $100,000 -- money that I wish I'd put in my retirement fund instead. 

  

Like all the other mooches, within a couple weeks of my tossing him out, he had found a new "mommy" to take care of him.  He gave her the same line he gave me, that he was in this menial job while he was training for something better that called to him, and that he had ample savings from his prior management job.  Imagine HER surprise when a few weeks later he started making excuses why he couldn't pay his share of the rent.   

 
February 15, 2006, 12:12 pm CST

I agree

Quote From: eparker

Its embarrassing to see a woman behave the way Sarah does.    She "loves" him?????   Does that mean that she has no control over her actions and that she is sentenced to a life of making stupid decisions????    Sarah obviously see something in this jerk that we all don't see, but that doesn't mean she has to be controlled by her emotions.   Frankly, she's so stupid and not willing to wise up, she deserves what she gets (or doesn't get which is more likely with this loser).   The women's liberation movement supposedly empowered women to be the most that they could be.   I'm not a "libber" and never was, but really, Sarah, has set all women back 100 years in the progress we have made to stand tall and proud and be an EQUAL in what can be a most wonderful relationship with a man.    If she does marry this guy, I hope she has the sense not to bring children into it or the cycle will repeat...she will raise girls who give their power away and she will   

raise sons who don't know how to treat a woman.    I frankly have no pity on her.   Someone somewhere asked her for her pride, and she gave it away very cheaply.    

  

What's going?  on first we are competing for the love of a man, then we settle for a mooch.   I thought buying a male prostitute was against the law.  But it's ok to have a male escort (to be politically correct) long term.   There is no love here.  It's a financial contract.  He will take care of her sexual desires, lonliness and maybe take out the trash every now and  then and of course get sex too. She will take care of him financially. Mean while he will go out and be with a woman that's not stupid enough to take care of him,  or if he gets lucky maybe he'll end up with TWO desperate women willing to take care of him for the sake of love.  He is not only a moocher but a con.  I had one man in my life time, years ago borrow 45dols to pay his cable bill. He  never paid me back and disappeared.  He knew my attitude toward moochers so he probably moved to Mexico for safety.   Women wise up?  It's embarrassing.   The men are laughing behind our backs.     

 
February 15, 2006, 12:13 pm CST

Frustrated mom

Quote From: murfstp3

Does anybody out there know if there is something I can do or say to help my daughter realize her worth and her husbands wothlessness???  My daughter was 17 when she met this guy but didn't tell us his true age -- 27 at the time.  Now she's 20, he's 30 and hasn't held a job for more than 4 months.  They got married 2 years ago without telling us -- unfortunately in Colorado all you have to do is sign the license and you're MARRIED.  No ceremony, judge, notary, nothing needed, just sign on the dotted line!!!  They have moved more in 2 years than I have my entire life (52 years) -- and some of the places have just BROKEN MY HEART.  She had a great job while in high school and lost it after hooking up with him.  Then she layed out for almost a year not working -- like HIM.  And she wasn't raised that way.  She never saw her father or I lay out -- we have hundreds of sick hours and weeks of annual leave built up in our jobs.  This slug has been the worst influence on her.  Her dream was always to be a Marine Biologist but she'll never make it as long as she's with him and nothing we've said has convinced her.  We've bought her groceries on numerous occasions because we learned she had nothing -- it's hard not to when all you can think of is your child might be hungry.  I wish I could get her some time with Dr. Phil -- maybe he could help her realize her worth -- without the SLUG!  I just pray every day that she doesn't get pregnant!!!  A very frustrated mom! 

My heart has definitely gone out to you. I am a stay at home mother of 3 children, and my husband is sole provider for our family. I wish i could hug you and tell you, she "will" get her head out of her AXX....but unfortunately it will only come when SHE is ready. I can only imagine your heart ache and pain, and i am sending you a prayer from my heart to yours. 

Toni from Illinois 

 
February 15, 2006, 12:15 pm CST

Women mooch off men everyday!!!!

How...how...how...is this different than what women do and have done for centuries and still do to this day !!????   Will someone please explain to me why Dr. Phil is going after this man...when 95% of his viewers are women whose very existence is made possible by a man who goes to work everyday..but the woman doesn't ?   Help me out here people.  P.S. I'm a woman who has ALWAYS taken care of myself and can't understand that the majority of women do just what this man does. My brothers all have mooching, non-working wives, even those without young children and those whose children are in school all day.  Help me out here folks.
 
February 15, 2006, 12:16 pm CST

Just be there

Quote From: murfstp3

Does anybody out there know if there is something I can do or say to help my daughter realize her worth and her husbands wothlessness???  My daughter was 17 when she met this guy but didn't tell us his true age -- 27 at the time.  Now she's 20, he's 30 and hasn't held a job for more than 4 months.  They got married 2 years ago without telling us -- unfortunately in Colorado all you have to do is sign the license and you're MARRIED.  No ceremony, judge, notary, nothing needed, just sign on the dotted line!!!  They have moved more in 2 years than I have my entire life (52 years) -- and some of the places have just BROKEN MY HEART.  She had a great job while in high school and lost it after hooking up with him.  Then she layed out for almost a year not working -- like HIM.  And she wasn't raised that way.  She never saw her father or I lay out -- we have hundreds of sick hours and weeks of annual leave built up in our jobs.  This slug has been the worst influence on her.  Her dream was always to be a Marine Biologist but she'll never make it as long as she's with him and nothing we've said has convinced her.  We've bought her groceries on numerous occasions because we learned she had nothing -- it's hard not to when all you can think of is your child might be hungry.  I wish I could get her some time with Dr. Phil -- maybe he could help her realize her worth -- without the SLUG!  I just pray every day that she doesn't get pregnant!!!  A very frustrated mom! 

Unfortunately there's probably nothing you can do for now.  Just be there when she needs you, whether it's to buy groceries, etc.  I'd probably stay away from giving money.  If the same path continues with your daughter, she'll wise up and hopefully leave him soon.  That's when she'll really need your support, not only to get back on her feet, but to heal her "I feel like an idiot" wound. Whatever you do, don't say "I told you so".   

  

One of my sisters is married to a user.  He is employed, but spends like crazy.  My sister usually is the one making sacrifices for his spending habits.  Of course, it drives all of us crazy.  However, causing additional burden on my sister by venting our frustrations just pulls her away more. 

  

Good luck you you and your daughter. 

 
February 15, 2006, 12:19 pm CST

Mooch

  

Anyone else curious who the heck bought the engagement ring?  Sadly, I wouldn't be surprised if it was her. 

  

...and he'd probably ask for it back if she kicks him out, so he can give it to the next one. 

 
February 15, 2006, 12:21 pm CST

not user friendly

This message board is not user friendly.    Let's see if I find this message
 
February 15, 2006, 12:22 pm CST

Get Out NOW!!!

Get out now!  I unfortunately found out that my husband wanted me to be the main support too late.  He was working when we got married, but got fired soon after (he told me he was laid off).  He 'searched' for a job for another year... But, when I had the baby, (conceived when he was still working) and he still wasn't working I got an attorney, put him out and made sure that I ended the story.  To be brief it is now almost 12 years later.  He has never supported his child.  She has not seen him since she was 2.  He is homeless, I hear.  Meanwhile, I took a break reexamined my life.  I am now remarried, VERY HAPPY, and my new husband adopted my daughter.  Not getting it right the first time did not sour me on marraige but now I try to keep others from doing the same thing...Please GET OUT NOW! 
 
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