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Topic : 08/14 Trouble in the Spotlight

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Created on : Friday, February 10, 2006, 12:49:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/16/06) Every parent thinks his or her child is special, but these mothers are obsessed with making their child a star -- so much so, they're willing to sacrifice their marriages and divide their families. Kari and Bonnie are sisters who are at war because Bonnie encourages her 8-year-old daughter to wear make-up, false teeth and spray-on tans to compete in high-glitz beauty pageants. Kari says the pageants should be outlawed, and fears her niece will become prey for pedophiles. Will Bonnie learn to see Kari's point of view? Then, Ranel is convinced her daughter is the next Dakota Fanning and will stop at nothing to see her child's name in lights. Her husband, Charles, says she's neglecting their younger daughter and their marriage. Can they come to an agreement? And, a mother faces criticism and mockery for putting her 6-year-old son in beauty pageants. Is she making a mistake? Talk about the show here

 

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February 13, 2006, 2:35 pm CST

02/16 Trouble in the Spotlight

Quote From: cfain30

I agree with you, these children should not be pranced around like a life size Barbie. These kids are not having the chance to be kids. Plus they are given the wrong perception about weight and looks. Beauty comes from the inside not from what is on the outside. Also we are opening up a chance for a  pedophile access to our children. These dreams of winning beauty contest are parents living out their dreams ........
How is it that kids involved in Beauty pageants are not given the chance to be kids?  My daughter is very involved in beauty pageant and has yet to miss out on any "normal" aspect of being a kid.  Pageants take up a weekend a month, in some cases maybe two and sometimes a few months pass between one pageant and the next.  When we are not at a pageant, my daughter is just a typical five year old little girl.  She goes outside, she runs around, she gets dirty, VERY dirty, to the point that its hard to remember that behind all that dirt and mudd is a little girl.  She jumps, climbs, goes out and rides her bike.  She doesnt miss out on playing with her friends or going to birthday parties, I could go on and on, I am sure you get the point.  Beauty Pageants have only enhanced her "normal" childhood not hindered it in anyway.  On top of being a normal child, she has gotten to experience things that other kids her age have not.  She gets to travel, she has been to many more places than most kids her age; unlike a typical child who's circle of friends include children from their neighborhoods and maybe school or daycare, my daughter has made many great friends from all over the country.  Friends that she does indeed remember, and that she looks forward to seeing and playing with.  At five years old she is by far more well spoken then other children her age in our neighborhood.  She isnt shy, nor does she feel intimidated around larger groups of people.  Her motor skills surpass what is considered average for a child her age, these are only to name a few.  Pageants are much more than a pretty face.  Grace, poise and personality are also very important factors, so when my daughter is on stage the beauty she potrays most certainly comes from the inside as well.   My child is at no more risk of falling prey to a pedophile than any other child in this world today.   My dream as a parent is to raise my children with love and care, make sure they are happy and healthy and grow up to be functional, successful adults within society.   And by successful I mean they live their lives being who and what they want to the best of their ability, and more important than anything they grow up being a good person.  If that is living out my dreams through my children then I quess I am quitly, but I would think no more so than any other parent out there wanting the same things for their children.
 
February 13, 2006, 3:54 pm CST

spooky

When I see those little girls with the fake teeth, the fake tan, the make-up to cover their real faces and the practised "poise' , I cringe. How can all that " fake" make them feel good? They are taught they are only good if they use all the fake stuff to make them good; they are only good if they are not real. I read on one post where a mom says her 5 year old is far above other five year olds, well every mom thinks that! She has more poise than other 5 year olds; since when was it a requirement that a 5 year old be poised, or able to give practised answers to pre-selected questions? I had a beautiful daughter, and have a beautiful granddaughter but I would rather that beautiful little girl feel like her parents loved her, she had incredible worth as an individual, and she knew her true self. How can you know your true self when everything about, and around, you is fake? I suppose this is one of those things where the parents will scream to the heavens that they are doing it for their children, but how does an 18 month old child, or a 2 or 3 year old, know that they want this, or that they will like this? If it was a teen aged girl, maybe I would fall for that, but a younger child, no way.. besides if my daughter had wanted to do something I did not approve of, or I thought was damaging to her in any way, I would have said no; that is what a parent is supposed to do!
 
February 13, 2006, 10:28 pm CST

i agree!

Quote From: juliebgg

Entering young kids in beauty pagents teaches them at a very young age that looks are all that matter.  We have enough shallow people floating around.  Do we need to be passing these "values" on to kids? A few posts back someone said that pageants are not about looks. Yeah, right!  I have even read a post on the boards here (I believe it was in reference to the show about the beauty queen who couldn't find love) where someone tried to pass off pageants as being about talent and volunteer work. So when  did an average but talented and hard working volunteer girl ever win Miss America?  Yeah, you got it....NEVER!!! If ever that did happen, I'd applaud the contest for finally developing real values.  But no, sadly it is a shallow contest that is really all about looks, looks, looks.

I agree with you on this, and with others who have said similar things. 

when DID an average-looking but otherwise great girl ever win a pageant? 

I think that they just made that as a requirement so that people would think it's not all about looks; but it sure is. 

If I had a daughter, I woudn't want her to think that how she acts and looks is who she IS! sure, it is good to put on makeup, etc, at the RIGHT AGE, not when you're less than 12! maybe there aren't immediate effects, but I think that those little girls would grow up too focused on their looks. 

also, it teaches them that only the outside is what people really look at, and that you would go far in life if you're pretty.  I think that little girls need to develop different values as individuals, and when they reach high school they can start thinking about looks because they are growing up.  let kids be kids.  and anyway, it's really creepy seeing these little girls with so much tan, and big hair, fake teeth, lots of makeup...lol they don't even look human any more! 

I understand that 'dress up' etc and 'playing a little princess' can be fun and cute, but why can't they do it with their friends (and dress up in a fun way, not in a 'sexy' way which is what they are doing at pageants) or siblings.  the problem is that all this makeup makes them look too adult.  I understand that maybe in the future they'll be confident (well they MIGHT), but that confidence would be based on external values.  I would rather a little girl is confident from the inside, because that would always be with her and help her in any situation.  and even if she won't grow up extremely gorgeous, she'll have an inner light and confidence and would be still be a great, social kid. 

 
February 14, 2006, 3:13 am CST

02/16 Trouble in the Spotlight

Quote From: margaritta

I agree with you on this, and with others who have said similar things. 

when DID an average-looking but otherwise great girl ever win a pageant? 

I think that they just made that as a requirement so that people would think it's not all about looks; but it sure is. 

If I had a daughter, I woudn't want her to think that how she acts and looks is who she IS! sure, it is good to put on makeup, etc, at the RIGHT AGE, not when you're less than 12! maybe there aren't immediate effects, but I think that those little girls would grow up too focused on their looks. 

also, it teaches them that only the outside is what people really look at, and that you would go far in life if you're pretty.  I think that little girls need to develop different values as individuals, and when they reach high school they can start thinking about looks because they are growing up.  let kids be kids.  and anyway, it's really creepy seeing these little girls with so much tan, and big hair, fake teeth, lots of makeup...lol they don't even look human any more! 

I understand that 'dress up' etc and 'playing a little princess' can be fun and cute, but why can't they do it with their friends (and dress up in a fun way, not in a 'sexy' way which is what they are doing at pageants) or siblings.  the problem is that all this makeup makes them look too adult.  I understand that maybe in the future they'll be confident (well they MIGHT), but that confidence would be based on external values.  I would rather a little girl is confident from the inside, because that would always be with her and help her in any situation.  and even if she won't grow up extremely gorgeous, she'll have an inner light and confidence and would be still be a great, social kid. 

I am very sorry but absolutely nothing you dress a child in would make me find them or think they looked "sexy".  When I see a little girl on stage at a pageant I see a little girl in a cute stage outfit, no different than the costumes worn for dance recitals or cheerleading.  If you look at a CHILD and find anything they are wearing to be "sexy" or have sex appeal, then I am sorry but the problem lies within you. 

 
February 14, 2006, 4:23 am CST

margaritta, you made my day!

Quote From: margaritta

I agree with you on this, and with others who have said similar things. 

when DID an average-looking but otherwise great girl ever win a pageant? 

I think that they just made that as a requirement so that people would think it's not all about looks; but it sure is. 

If I had a daughter, I woudn't want her to think that how she acts and looks is who she IS! sure, it is good to put on makeup, etc, at the RIGHT AGE, not when you're less than 12! maybe there aren't immediate effects, but I think that those little girls would grow up too focused on their looks. 

also, it teaches them that only the outside is what people really look at, and that you would go far in life if you're pretty.  I think that little girls need to develop different values as individuals, and when they reach high school they can start thinking about looks because they are growing up.  let kids be kids.  and anyway, it's really creepy seeing these little girls with so much tan, and big hair, fake teeth, lots of makeup...lol they don't even look human any more! 

I understand that 'dress up' etc and 'playing a little princess' can be fun and cute, but why can't they do it with their friends (and dress up in a fun way, not in a 'sexy' way which is what they are doing at pageants) or siblings.  the problem is that all this makeup makes them look too adult.  I understand that maybe in the future they'll be confident (well they MIGHT), but that confidence would be based on external values.  I would rather a little girl is confident from the inside, because that would always be with her and help her in any situation.  and even if she won't grow up extremely gorgeous, she'll have an inner light and confidence and would be still be a great, social kid. 

Read my response right above this to another poster who disagrees with me!  You are absolutely right that an average girl who could have a multitude of talents and intelligence would never win in a contest like this.  I also agree that the other stuff was thrown into the contests to make it appear that it was about something more subtantive than just about looks, but as I said to the other poster, the day an average or less than average looking girl wins one of these pageants will be the day I will be convinced that it is not all about looks. And that will happen when hell freezes over! 

You are also correct in that it teaches these girls that looks are what is most important. They learn that they can manipulate through looks.  This may work for a time because for every pretty girl there is some jerk of a guy that falls for the cute act, but I have seen some former pretty girls that can't understand why they can no longer get what they want through a smile and a pout and a cutsey act like they were able to do in their teens, twenties, and maybe into their thirties. Real confidence comes from developing real skills (not prancing skills!!!LOL!!) and these will last a lifetime and outlast  looks by many years.  THAT is the inner light that can shine and last forever, because it has a good solid base beneath it. 

 
February 14, 2006, 5:47 am CST

A Reminder...

Time to remind everyone that there is a person behind every screen name. Let's remember to address the topic without personally attacking another member because their views are different from yours. We all can learn a lot from everyone's viewpoint, let's try to keep this discussion progressing in the manner intended. Thanks.
 
 
February 14, 2006, 6:58 am CST

I beg to differ

Quote From: juliebgg

Entering young kids in beauty pagents teaches them at a very young age that looks are all that matter.  We have enough shallow people floating around.  Do we need to be passing these "values" on to kids? A few posts back someone said that pageants are not about looks. Yeah, right!  I have even read a post on the boards here (I believe it was in reference to the show about the beauty queen who couldn't find love) where someone tried to pass off pageants as being about talent and volunteer work. So when  did an average but talented and hard working volunteer girl ever win Miss America?  Yeah, you got it....NEVER!!! If ever that did happen, I'd applaud the contest for finally developing real values.  But no, sadly it is a shallow contest that is really all about looks, looks, looks.
 We actually have a scholarship contest here that is VERY much run like a beauty pagent. It's called Jr. Miss.   It's for area highschool seniors who are planning on attending college or vocational schools.  Just like any beauty pagent a portion of it is based on looks, but public speaking, academics, talent are SERIOUSLY considered because more than being a "pagent" it's a scholarship contest.   In fact one of the girls from my class (who by most standards is NOT terribly pretty) won runner-up.

In general pagents are FULL of pretty girls.  It isn't just PRETTY that lets them win.  I think a lot of it has to do with the girls that are the best prepared.  I mean when there is a room full of pretty girls in pretty dresses how do you choose one? You choose based on talent, poise, speaking ability, and the child that most represents the spirit of a particualr pagent.
 
February 14, 2006, 7:06 am CST

02/16 Trouble in the Spotlight

Quote From: pagntmom06

How is it that kids involved in Beauty pageants are not given the chance to be kids?  My daughter is very involved in beauty pageant and has yet to miss out on any "normal" aspect of being a kid.  Pageants take up a weekend a month, in some cases maybe two and sometimes a few months pass between one pageant and the next.  When we are not at a pageant, my daughter is just a typical five year old little girl.  She goes outside, she runs around, she gets dirty, VERY dirty, to the point that its hard to remember that behind all that dirt and mudd is a little girl.  She jumps, climbs, goes out and rides her bike.  She doesnt miss out on playing with her friends or going to birthday parties, I could go on and on, I am sure you get the point.  Beauty Pageants have only enhanced her "normal" childhood not hindered it in anyway.  On top of being a normal child, she has gotten to experience things that other kids her age have not.  She gets to travel, she has been to many more places than most kids her age; unlike a typical child who's circle of friends include children from their neighborhoods and maybe school or daycare, my daughter has made many great friends from all over the country.  Friends that she does indeed remember, and that she looks forward to seeing and playing with.  At five years old she is by far more well spoken then other children her age in our neighborhood.  She isnt shy, nor does she feel intimidated around larger groups of people.  Her motor skills surpass what is considered average for a child her age, these are only to name a few.  Pageants are much more than a pretty face.  Grace, poise and personality are also very important factors, so when my daughter is on stage the beauty she potrays most certainly comes from the inside as well.   My child is at no more risk of falling prey to a pedophile than any other child in this world today.   My dream as a parent is to raise my children with love and care, make sure they are happy and healthy and grow up to be functional, successful adults within society.   And by successful I mean they live their lives being who and what they want to the best of their ability, and more important than anything they grow up being a good person.  If that is living out my dreams through my children then I quess I am quitly, but I would think no more so than any other parent out there wanting the same things for their children.
 You obviously have a firm grasp on your daughter's need to be a kid.  Some pagent parents (and some parents in athletics, dance and other activities) let  one activity dominate the child's life.  Everything centers around preparing for that one activity.   Those parents are the ones I think are in the wrong.

I feel that pagents, like any other activity, have thier place.
 
February 14, 2006, 8:02 am CST

Freaky

I really don't have a lot to say about this subject other than the picture at the top of the page of the little girl all dressed up is downright creepy.
 
February 14, 2006, 9:52 am CST

02/16 Trouble in the Spotlight

Quote From: ronin2

I really don't have a lot to say about this subject other than the picture at the top of the page of the little girl all dressed up is downright creepy.
I totally agree with you...I think it is horrible!
 
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