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Topic : 06/28 Family Troublemakers

Number of Replies: 197
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Created on : Friday, February 10, 2006, 12:50:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/17) Too many of us have a relative who stirs the pot. Meet a family who feels held captive by their youngest daughter, Marcie. Russ and Cheryl say every day is tension-filled because Marcie's "Jekyll and Hyde" outbursts have them living on the edge. Russ and his oldest daughter, Carrie, issue Marcie an ultimatum. Then, Amy and Leesa believe their mother, Myra, is the quintessential "drama queen." They say her overbearing behavior and sharp tongue make family gatherings a living hell! Find out the New Year's resolution Myra made that rubbed her daughters the wrong way. Talk about the show here.

 

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June 28, 2006, 8:16 pm CDT

Where is the Advice.

At the end of today's episode, Dr. Phil was talking about things that are and are not acceptable adn he mentioned that on his website there was advice, but I cannot find it.  Any suggestions as to where to look for it? 

 
June 29, 2006, 6:22 am CDT

Dear Marcie

  Dr. Phil, when I seen the show on family troublemakers.  I felt sympathetic for Marcie she should go to counsling with her family, I think that Marcie was tring to reach out to her parents and they were not taking it in.  This is my opoinion based on her behavior and her past she sound like she has high depression and paossible BI- Polar Disorder, I feel for her because my wife has this and it is so hard to deal with when you do not understand the disorderor have the proper medication to help you.  Bi- Polar comes in so many forms there are like 200 and some genes and it only takes 20 some to make up the disorder, if this is a possibility that she has this I feel for her, It is a very draining disorder and her parents need to start trying to find out or do some research they might realy be suprised at what they find.    WWW.webmd.com This web sight will give alot of explaination of the disorder.    
 
June 29, 2006, 10:17 am CDT

What should I do?

I adore my mother. I will do anything to keep our relationship happy and peaceful. In fact, this is the only way I can have a relationship with her. My mother requires absolute worship or she will walk away from me, shut me out and abandon me. She has been threatening this since I was a small child. She is a saint and I am bad. She is not nasty like the woman on the show yesterday but she hurts me often in her own way. I just grin and bare it. This has caused me much pain in my life. I am now 33 years old and I still feel abandoned by her. She recently told me she has no interest in her grandchildren so don't ask her to be involved. I still just say "OK" because if I tell her I am upset she sees this as an attack and will tell me she doesn't ever want to speak to me again. I couldn't take this. I love her very much. Dr. Phil gives the advice that one should just not engage in conflict and basically agree to disagree. I have been doing this my whole life and I don't know if it has been good for me. I am a doormat and depressed, fearful and anxious. What can I do to deal with this but not confront my mother? Everyone tells me I need to talk to her about it but that is not an option because even if I approach it in a very nice way she will leave me. I am so scared to lose my mother because she threatens it so often and I believe she will do it (her mother did it to her). Does anyone have any advice?
 
June 30, 2006, 1:08 pm CDT

06/28 Family Troublemakers

Quote From: powers009

I have to agree with your husband here. It is time to stop making excuses for this woman. As far as the presents for the one child and not the other I think I would send any present she sent for the youngest back to her with a note that if she can't do for both she can't do for one. I would explain my position with both boys and explain the fairness of this. Then get your boys together and take them out to eat pizza or some other place they like. Make a little party out of it. The older child should be made to understand that Granny has an illness called selfishness. It has nothing to do with him and he should be the same little boy he always has been. Encourage his tenacity, it will serve him well in life. Instill in both boys it is better to be hated for who you are then be loved for who your not. 

  

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF YOU HAVE ENOUGH LIES TOLD TO YOU BY EVERYONE ELSE. 

My grandmother had four children who gave her eight grandchildren.  She was always too poor to give seven of the grandchildren anything for birthdays or Christmases although we were expected to give her presents.  We were more than happy to accept that -- until the last grandchild was born to her youngest son.  The favortism she showed to him over his three siblings extended into the next generation.  Anytime we went to see her, she would proudly (and cluelessly) show us the new $200 doll she had bought the 8th grandchild; the clothing, etc., she had gotten for her, an only child to wealthy parents who couldn't care less about porcelein dolls.  My mother tried to tell her of my brother's and my achievements but was cut-off by another "Jesse" story.  All the other grandchildren clearly got the message WE DID NOT MATTER.  Jesse was even mentioned in her will -- none of the rest of us were.  Even so, my mother insisted on taking me as a young teenager into my late teens to see her, which meant I was subjected to this constantly.   The worst hurt was that she didn't care enough about the rest of us to AT LEAST not rub it in, not even realizing in her own prejudism that this was, in fact, hurtful and wrong.  I went along on the forced marches until I was no longer under my mother's control and never had anything to do with her again.  Trust me -- your kids aren't benefitted by having prolonged exposure to this treatment and YOU risk them resenting the fool out of YOU for making them -- just as I resent my mother in a small way for acting as if this were okay.  Mom couldn't make her mother act/feel differently, but I'd have given anything if she had cared more about us to not put us in that position, to have been my hero and told her mother quietly that this was hurtful or at LEAST acknowledged my feelings instead of trying to make me okay with it and make me fawn over my grandmother.  Kids are acutely aware of fairness, especially where they themselves are concerned.  You be their hero and let them know that NOBODY gets past momma bear to hurt the cubs. 
 
June 30, 2006, 7:21 pm CDT

06/28 Family Troublemakers

Quote From: mesmithie

At the end of today's episode, Dr. Phil was talking about things that are and are not acceptable adn he mentioned that on his website there was advice, but I cannot find it.  Any suggestions as to where to look for it? 

On the homepage, click the "Advice" link.  There will be one of seven sub-topics.  I think for purposes of this topic, "Relationships/Sex" may be the best fit.
 
July 2, 2006, 9:14 pm CDT

Taking Sides

 My sister and I have 'separated', not my choice but hers. She accused my daughter of doing something really bad that she did not do. She accuses me of covering up for my daughter.  Our feud has been going on for 3 yrs now. It's been awhile though since any contact at all. For the longest I didn't know my sister felt this way. But when I finally found out, I found that my mom had taken her side of the story-without even hearing our side of it!! What's more, she didn't intend to EVER hear our side!! She refused!! Meanwhile, she continued to listen to all of sister's rhetoric, and slander, and ravings. We had a big argument over it to no avail. We didn't talk for the longest, then gradually I started coming around again. She would call or something, and we would both be wanting for it to be over that we wouldn't discuss the issues. But they were always just under the surface, and before long, Mom would say or do something that reminded me all over again, that she was partial, had taken sides unfairly, hurting me all over again. This went off and on several times. I would make up with her and try again, just to have my nose rubbed in the unfairness once again. Lately, we haven't been seeing or talking to each other. There have been little swift conversations mainly for informational purposes, but that's it. All she can say is "I don't know why she's acting like this, I haven't done ANYTHING!" She refuses to be accountable at all. We've written a few letters lately, with me telling her how that made me feel, and that I and her granddaughter would love to have a sit down with her and discuss everything. She won't even go there. She just wants me once more to sweep everything under the rug and play like nothing has happened. I could do that once again, but it wouldn't last. So my problem is that this issue is ongoing and not something just in the past to 'get over'. I don't know how to get over the fact that she is so very partial about a situation that is so very hurtful to me and to the rest of the family--that has fractured our whole family. My sister and I were best friends before this, and I have had to grieve over her loss, and my mother won't acknowledge her part in making a very bad situation even worse. That this is not some trivial little matter that I've gotten my panties in a wad over. It's major, and tragic.  For awhile, I didn't care if I ever saw or had a relationship with her again, but time has diminished that, and to top it all off she is almost 80, and I don't know how long she may go on living.  I want SOME kind of relationship with her--I just don't know in what form it can take. It can't be like before like everything is hunky dory. Before we could visit and talk on the phone often, or even go to lunch. Does anyone have any suggestions how I can go about this? A relationship, but somewhat limited compared to how it was before--not that we haven't had other issues. It's just that this is the worst one. She's a controlling person, who is never satisfied with what anyone does for her, yet she expects them to do everything in thier power to make sure she is happy!  I also need to establish somekind of relationship so as not have all her needs placed on my other sisters [I have 2]. Help with trips to Dr's appt. etc..She doesn't get around very well.
 
July 11, 2006, 9:01 pm CDT

06/28 Family Troublemakers

i seen this show on a  later date then it was showen as i was away and taped it. but let me tell you my family takes the cake over all of them.my mom is THE DRAMA QUEEN . if and when things dont go her way or she isnt the center of attention she has a  we will say" spell" she cant breathe or is going to faint. well let me tell you i have done my whole life what that woman has wanted i became what she wanted me to be. so now i do hair. i married who she told me to marry . had two like she told me have . and one was a son just like she always wanted but never did she just had two daughters. i live where she told me to live (across the street from her and my dad). well my daughter was born with a terminal syndrome and i guess at the same time i developed a back bone. i divorced the wife beater. stood on  my some what own .(they did help me alot when i was on my own) well now im getting remarried and my mother thinks ive changed. im not happy all i do is fall all over the man im gonna marry. i ignore my kids she says. well let me see my son is adhd .odd .been sexually abused my daughter is terminal and the man im gonna marry well he is bipolar. well my mother thinks im not happy and she tells everyone. my son has trouble at school and she constantly  tells me its my fault. we have seeked help and they tell us she needs to be on the same page as us but she just says we dont know what we are doin. all i know is i have threated to move away if she keeps it up. my wedding is 6 weeks away and i told her it will happen with her or without her.
 
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