Topic : 06/28 Family Troublemakers

  Dr. Phil, when I seen the show on family troublemakers.  I felt sympathetic for Marcie she should go to counsling with her family, I think that Marcie was tring to reach out to her parents and they were not taking it in.  This is my opoinion based on her behavior and her past she sound like she has high depression and paossible BI- Polar Disorder, I feel for her because my wife has this and it is so hard to deal with when you do not understand the disorderor have the proper medication to help you.  Bi- Polar comes in so many forms there are like 200 and some genes and it only takes 20 some to make up the disorder, if this is a possibility that she has this I feel for her, It is a very draining disorder and her parents need to start trying to find out or do some research they might realy be suprised at what they find.    WWW.webmd.com This web sight will give alot of explaination of the disorder.    

I adore my mother. I will do anything to keep our relationship happy and peaceful. In fact, this is the only way I can have a relationship with her. My mother requires absolute worship or she will walk away from me, shut me out and abandon me. She has been threatening this since I was a small child. She is a saint and I am bad. She is not nasty like the woman on the show yesterday but she hurts me often in her own way. I just grin and bare it. This has caused me much pain in my life. I am now 33 years old and I still feel abandoned by her. She recently told me she has no interest in her grandchildren so don't ask her to be involved. I still just say "OK" because if I tell her I am upset she sees this as an attack and will tell me she doesn't ever want to speak to me again. I couldn't take this. I love her very much. Dr. Phil gives the advice that one should just not engage in conflict and basically agree to disagree. I have been doing this my whole life and I don't know if it has been good for me. I am a doormat and depressed, fearful and anxious. What can I do to deal with this but not confront my mother? Everyone tells me I need to talk to her about it but that is not an option because even if I approach it in a very nice way she will leave me. I am so scared to lose my mother because she threatens it so often and I believe she will do it (her mother did it to her). Does anyone have any advice?

My grandmother had four children who gave her eight grandchildren.  She was always too poor to give seven of the grandchildren anything for birthdays or Christmases although we were expected to give her presents.  We were more than happy to accept that -- until the last grandchild was born to her youngest son.  The favortism she showed to him over his three siblings extended into the next generation.  Anytime we went to see her, she would proudly (and cluelessly) show us the new $200 doll she had bought the 8th grandchild; the clothing, etc., she had gotten for her, an only child to wealthy parents who couldn't care less about porcelein dolls.  My mother tried to tell her of my brother's and my achievements but was cut-off by another "Jesse" story.  All the other grandchildren clearly got the message WE DID NOT MATTER.  Jesse was even mentioned in her will -- none of the rest of us were.  Even so, my mother insisted on taking me as a young teenager into my late teens to see her, which meant I was subjected to this constantly.   The worst hurt was that she didn't care enough about the rest of us to AT LEAST not rub it in, not even realizing in her own prejudism that this was, in fact, hurtful and wrong.  I went along on the forced marches until I was no longer under my mother's control and never had anything to do with her again.  Trust me -- your kids aren't benefitted by having prolonged exposure to this treatment and YOU risk them resenting the fool out of YOU for making them -- just as I resent my mother in a small way for acting as if this were okay.  Mom couldn't make her mother act/feel differently, but I'd have given anything if she had cared more about us to not put us in that position, to have been my hero and told her mother quietly that this was hurtful or at LEAST acknowledged my feelings instead of trying to make me okay with it and make me fawn over my grandmother.  Kids are acutely aware of fairness, especially where they themselves are concerned.  You be their hero and let them know that NOBODY gets past momma bear to hurt the cubs. 

On the homepage, click the "Advice" link.  There will be one of seven sub-topics.  I think for purposes of this topic, "Relationships/Sex" may be the best fit.

i seen this show on a  later date then it was showen as i was away and taped it. but let me tell you my family takes the cake over all of them.my mom is THE DRAMA QUEEN . if and when things dont go her way or she isnt the center of attention she has a  we will say" spell" she cant breathe or is going to faint. well let me tell you i have done my whole life what that woman has wanted i became what she wanted me to be. so now i do hair. i married who she told me to marry . had two like she told me have . and one was a son just like she always wanted but never did she just had two daughters. i live where she told me to live (across the street from her and my dad). well my daughter was born with a terminal syndrome and i guess at the same time i developed a back bone. i divorced the wife beater. stood on  my some what own .(they did help me alot when i was on my own) well now im getting remarried and my mother thinks ive changed. im not happy all i do is fall all over the man im gonna marry. i ignore my kids she says. well let me see my son is adhd .odd .been sexually abused my daughter is terminal and the man im gonna marry well he is bipolar. well my mother thinks im not happy and she tells everyone. my son has trouble at school and she constantly  tells me its my fault. we have seeked help and they tell us she needs to be on the same page as us but she just says we dont know what we are doin. all i know is i have threated to move away if she keeps it up. my wedding is 6 weeks away and i told her it will happen with her or without her.