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Topic : 06/28 Family Troublemakers

Number of Replies: 197
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Created on : Friday, February 10, 2006, 12:50:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/17) Too many of us have a relative who stirs the pot. Meet a family who feels held captive by their youngest daughter, Marcie. Russ and Cheryl say every day is tension-filled because Marcie's "Jekyll and Hyde" outbursts have them living on the edge. Russ and his oldest daughter, Carrie, issue Marcie an ultimatum. Then, Amy and Leesa believe their mother, Myra, is the quintessential "drama queen." They say her overbearing behavior and sharp tongue make family gatherings a living hell! Find out the New Year's resolution Myra made that rubbed her daughters the wrong way. Talk about the show here.

 

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February 17, 2006, 11:29 am CST

Draw a line

Life is too short to put up with unrepentant people who bring chaos and pain into your life.   This is not to say that we should be rigid and unforgiving - we all do stupid hurtful things sometimes and we need to be understanding of each other.  But we all have to draw a line somewhere if only to preserve our own health, and if someone is continually hurting you, doesn't really care about the hurt they are causing, is unwilling to try to change and blames you for their bad behaviour, then drop them from your life.   Even if they are close family members.  You can't make them happy and you deserve better.  You will still feel pain at the parting of ways, and regret, but it's better than living a lifetime of misery and guilt.   

  

I gave up on my grandmother years ago.  She's a vicious drunk who delights in the pain and failures of others.  No effort is ever good enough to please her, and everything is everyone else's fault.  She thinks she's perfect.  The perfect grandma that wouldn't let her grandchildren call her grandma because it made her sound old, who indulged in drunken rages that put holes in the walls of our home, who called my mother up constantly to tell her what a bad mother she was (my mother is fabulous, actually), and who would only call me when someone in the family had made a mistake of some sort (she likes to gloat over people's mistakes).   She never hesitated to complain to either one of my parents about what rotten kids they'd raised, or to let the kids know what sorry disappointments we were.  It's hard to see your little brother, all of five years old, dissolve into tears because his grandma told him that the Christmas present he got her was lousy.  I finally decided that I wasn't going to waste the one life I get on this earth trying to please someone who wants to be miserable and take everyone else down with her.  I don't call her, write her, or see her unless I happen to be at my dad's house when she makes the rare supreme sacrifice of visiting her only son.  My dad isn't happy with me on this, but my efforts to try to forge a relationship with the woman were continually rebuffed.   

  

There are so many wonderful people in this world that I can spend my time with - I'd much rather try to make them happy then waste the effort on a harridan who doesn't want to be happy.  And my life is much better for having taken that step. 

 
February 17, 2006, 11:57 am CST

Oh lord....where to start?

My mother is a really nice lady. My dad is a really nice guy. They just didn't work well together and got divorced when I was 14. To be honest, it wasn't really that traumatic because they kept the fighting clean for the sake of me and my brother. Sounds nice....BUT THEN.....Enter the evil step-mother.  For the life of me, I can't figure out why my dad married her. They got married when I was already married with a child so I figured...what the heck, he's an adult and so I am so who am I to judge?  This woman is just plain rotten to my children. Her daughter has a child and she has her over all the time. My kids are apparently too much trouble. She even has seperate Christmas Trees so our stuff doesn't get mixed up together. Her daughter's tree is in the living room with the beautiful Victorian decorations. Mine is in the basement. She gave me all the ornaments that my dad saved from when me and my brother were kids. She won't allow them on a tree (even my Charlie Brown tree in the basement) because they were from the time of my mom. 

  

The sad thing is that my father just doesn't see it.  I don't want to alienate my kids from my dad because he is wonderful to them. It's just her!!!! I spend very little time with them and my kids only see the once in awhile. My dad says he would like to spend more time with my kids, but he always brings her and I can't see subjecting my kids to blatent inequality. They have most definately noticed it on their own. I don't really know what to do because I love my dad to pieces. He seems quite happy with her and I don't want to disrupt that, but it sure would be nice if he'd stick up for me once in awhile. Not to be too childish, but I WAS HERE FIRST! 

  

Steph 

 
February 17, 2006, 12:19 pm CST

Are they talking about my daughter?

I swear it is like deja vu today.  This girl is my youngest (19 year old) daughter.  She is a drama queen, and just today stormed out saying that she wasn't coming back, because I told her that instead of sleeping all day I wanted her to clean her room.  She hasn't worked in months and does nothing but sleep all day and go out all night. She is a pathetic, compulsive liar and we are all sick of living surrounded by her filth.  Her sister is embarassed to bring anyone over to our house as the basement they share is a pig sty and no matter what I threaten she lies and says it's clean, but it never is.  Today, I had enough and asked for her car keys and cell phone and she called me an f-ing bi---.  When I went into her room to make her get up she slapped me.  We all walk on eggshells around her, since the last time she felt neglected she took an overdose of tylenol and ibuprofin, then called me to come and take her to the hospital.  She has always been a problem but I honestly thought that after this hospitalization and intense therapy she was and is getting that she we make progress.  I am so tired of feeling like I have to be nice all the time, when she really doesn't deserve it.  This all started ,coincidently , after her 21 year old sister told us she was an alchoholic and went into treatment.  She is making great strides in getting her life in order and there is a lot of tension there as well.  She goes to the same AA group that her sister goes to, since she says she has an addiction to over the counter pain medication.  That wouldn't be so bad but she lies to these people and does things to draw attention to herself and to make her sister look bad.  She hangs on the guys there and even sneaks out and has sex with some of them.  I really think her problems are bigger than anything we've uncovered to date, but she isn't willing or honest enough to work on them with us.  I have shut off the emotion center when it comes to her, I just can't feel anything anymore.  Today when she stomped out of here, in the middle of a snowstorm with nothing on but a pair of tennis shoes and a sweatshirt, I didn't go after her.  I just couldn't do it.  Several hours later, when she returned, she walked through the house with her wet shoes on and even though I asked her to remove them she just kept walking.  I am really frustrated with all of this, but I don't really know what to do. 

 
February 17, 2006, 12:19 pm CST

02/17 Family Troublemakers

Quote From: shr8r79

I have recently had a run in with my daughter. We have always been close, but since she has been on her own we have started butting heads.  

She was a college freshman the summer of 2004, was doing pretty well in school until the spring semester of 04 at that time she was put on academic probation. She entered the university this year, Aug. 2005 knowing she was on acedemic probation.  My husband & I attempted to get her to seek professional help with her inability to know how to study for tests, etc. On her own she decided that she would not seek the help. In the mean time she was released from the university for failure to maintain the grade point average that they expect of their students.  

What I am getting at is........she has been trying to deal with her own failures. I have tried to help her through it, I am a parent of only one child so this is something that is all new to me. We are once again trying to seek help for her in order to get herself figure out. She called me last night, she says that I am part of her problem.....that I am the reason for some of her bad feelings she has deep inside. She is blaming me for things I have done in the past. Things that I can not do anything about now......because they are IN THE PAST. She says I have said things that are hurtful to which I don't know what that would be, because I asked for examples and she can't seem to remember the exact things. AYeyyeyeye........what am I to do? She gets mad at me when I try to explain myself, then when she shoots me down.....I get upset and don't say anything in fear that I am going to say the wrong thing AGAIN! 

THANK GOD for the Dr. Phil show and for the show that they had today about family troublemakers.  This show has helped me to realize that I am not the psycho that she has pegged me to be! One more thing.......she is turning 21 yrs. old in July......Dr.Phil says that the reasoning side of a childs brain is not fully developed until 25 years of age. I HAVE 4 MORE YEARS OF THIS CRAP!!!!!!!!!!! Yikes 

You should be ashamed of yourself for posting this publicly.   

  

That being said, Dr. Phil will probably agree with you.   

  

She may not be able to pinpoint the problems she has with you because they are so deep-seeded, and also because you have clearly shown yourself to be one of the many people that need blame to be the answer for problems.  Let your child grow, and try on a little UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for a change! 

 
February 17, 2006, 12:24 pm CST

02/17 Family Troublemakers

Quote From: shr8r79

I have recently had a run in with my daughter. We have always been close, but since she has been on her own we have started butting heads.  

She was a college freshman the summer of 2004, was doing pretty well in school until the spring semester of 04 at that time she was put on academic probation. She entered the university this year, Aug. 2005 knowing she was on acedemic probation.  My husband & I attempted to get her to seek professional help with her inability to know how to study for tests, etc. On her own she decided that she would not seek the help. In the mean time she was released from the university for failure to maintain the grade point average that they expect of their students.  

What I am getting at is........she has been trying to deal with her own failures. I have tried to help her through it, I am a parent of only one child so this is something that is all new to me. We are once again trying to seek help for her in order to get herself figure out. She called me last night, she says that I am part of her problem.....that I am the reason for some of her bad feelings she has deep inside. She is blaming me for things I have done in the past. Things that I can not do anything about now......because they are IN THE PAST. She says I have said things that are hurtful to which I don't know what that would be, because I asked for examples and she can't seem to remember the exact things. AYeyyeyeye........what am I to do? She gets mad at me when I try to explain myself, then when she shoots me down.....I get upset and don't say anything in fear that I am going to say the wrong thing AGAIN! 

THANK GOD for the Dr. Phil show and for the show that they had today about family troublemakers.  This show has helped me to realize that I am not the psycho that she has pegged me to be! One more thing.......she is turning 21 yrs. old in July......Dr.Phil says that the reasoning side of a childs brain is not fully developed until 25 years of age. I HAVE 4 MORE YEARS OF THIS CRAP!!!!!!!!!!! Yikes 

I have had several run in's with my mother in the past.  From when I got pregnant at 18 and so forth, my Mom has said the meanest things in the world.  From No man stick by you etc. I had a terrible childhood, as both parents drank and my dad was violent and I was mad at my Mom for letting it happen to us.  Once I got pregnant, I vowed never to be like my parents.  I am now 30 and my kids are my world.  I forgave my parents (even though they think they didn't ever do anything wrong!) for my rough childhood.  But I am getting divorced now after 12 years because of my feelings, not his.  And I have tried to go to therapy for my marriage but every time I go, they bring up my relationship with my parents and I try to avoid talking about that at all costs.  In the mean while, my Mother has cancer.  So I have put my issues aside with her because of this life changing health scare!  But trust me, I never realized that the past from when we were kids lives with us now....whether we want it to or not. 
 
February 17, 2006, 12:31 pm CST

My mother's twin!!!!

This controlling, overweight mother of the two daughters (the hypercritical Mom) is EXACTLY LIKE MY MOTHER....to a TEE! It's scarey!
 
February 17, 2006, 12:35 pm CST

Big Question

All these families so far were fighting with ADULT children. Why are they still home? I got out of my home because of a controlling, hypercritical mother as soon as I was legal and would live in a shelter before I'd live in her home again.
 
February 17, 2006, 12:35 pm CST

OH MY GOD

Watching the second part of the show is just like being with my grandmother.  A daily struggle with her is EVERYTHING.  I have two children and she constantly is trying to undermind my husband and my authority with our children.  If we tell our six year old something she will automatically tell her to do the opposite.  My mother recently moved home to live near us after living in Hawaii for years.  Having lived with my grandmother for most of my life wanting my mom close has always been my desire.  Now is seems as though my grandmother can't let me be happy.  She will intentionally start fights between my husband and I, the two of us and my oldest daughter and between us and the other members of the family.  She is constantly telling people that we have bad attitudes and if we do not share her opinions on issues she will tell us that we are abusing her.  I don't know what to do.  The problem is we live right next door to her.  Anyone help!!
 
February 17, 2006, 12:37 pm CST

what do i do?

        I watched this show in hopes that I could see my situation in these guests.  I hoped to see a really bad parent and see what Dr. Phil's advice would be in dealing with them.  My mother and I cant get along if our lives depended on it.  I have tried to make peace with her but it always fails.  I am at a loss with what to do I need advice and maybe one of you may have some advice for me.  My brother and I had a not so happy childhood and I do not hold that against her.  But by her third marriage she found a wonderful man with no drug problems and was no abusive and our lives got better.  When I was 14 she decided to have more children and my little brother and sister came right after each other.  After 10 years of marriage she went back to her cheating ways.  She started making me lie for her so she could go be with her boyfriend.  I was only 16 and couldn't take the pressure so I told my step dad about the affairs and the lying.  He talked to her and she told him that I lied just to break them up, so they kicked me out.  I was living at friends house and in cars for a year when she finally told the truth to him and moved out to go live with her boyfriend.  I then moved back home to take care of my 3 year old brother and 2 year old sister.  Her boyfriend had children and she didn't want them anymore.  I have taken care of them ever since.  They grew up calling me mommy.  People always thought I was my step dad's wife.  I have gotten married and have my own home but still take care of my brother and sister that are 13 and 11 now.  I have tried to get along with her for the kids but we just end up fighting over her lack of responsibility.  This is just scratching the surface of all the things that have happened.  I just fight with her everyday even though I wont talk to her anymore, she calls my siblings and tells them to tell me things.  She calls family and tells them lies just to cause drama.  When she gets mad and you she is very vindictive.  I just don't know how to get away from someone that wont leave you alone. 

 
February 17, 2006, 1:00 pm CST

02/17 Family Troublemakers

Quote From: jenkev91

He did help them. It took a whole show to identify the issues, then he got both families to commit to professional counseling. One day was not going to fix these folks. They need many sessions with a professional, alone, and as a group. And that was the culmination of the show. That's actually more realistic than the families that appear to get "fixed up" in one show. I thought is was a very hopeful and promising ending. I hope they all followed through like they said they would!
These families need to learn to listen to one another - how can anyone "hear" what the other is saying when they're all talking at the same time?   No one ever gets to finish a thought  . . . . . . it's surprising that they even recognize that they have a problem!
 
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