Topic : Military Families Support

My husband and I got together before his second tour in iraq. I didn't bug me as much as it does now and I think it's because we weren't married or that serious about each other. But now we have been married all most a year and he left 2 months ago. And it's killing me that he's over there and all I do is cry when nobody is around because my family besides my father and my friends truily don't understand what I'm going through and when I talk to my father about it he tells me not to cry and be strong. See he was also in the marine corps so I was raised like a marine but now that I'm married it's alot harder to hide my emotions like I use to be able too. I worry all the time to the point that it makes me sick. He is my one and  only and I can't live my life without him. Is there anyway to get through this without going crazy? I need help. Please help me anyone.

This is exactly how I'm feeling, but my husband hasn't even left for basic training yet. I am so full of anxiety and I constantly worry about all of the what ifs. He tells me everything is going to be fine and that he won't be in a combat position, but I can't help but worry. We haven't been apart for more than 24 hours since we got married in October. I don't have any friends here at home because all of mine moved away, so all I have is him. I don't know how to get through it because I haven't yet, that's why I'm here. Talking to people in person only seems to make me cry, but maybe talking through here will be easier.

I know you are worried and if you ever need to talk I'm here. My husband isn't in combat zone either but last time he was. It sucks cause you are over here in the us and they are over there and your not there to comfort them so all you can do is worry but you got to keep yourself busy and stay strong. what helps me is my 3dogs. they keep me really busy and then i go to chruch and pray all the time.and when he calls i drop everything to talk to him and just let him know how much he means to you and you'll stand behind him 100% even though it's hard because you can't be there

Hello can anyone here give me any info on PDSS? Any good websites to give me info on the subject? Maybe even who to contact on getting help for my family and my soldier? Please help us out! Thanks

~Deb

Im feeling so down these days. my family is in total caos. Things between my hubby and I are really bad now. I feel like im moving in slow motion. I hate the way all this feels. I just want out! Ive had thuoghts of packing the boys and leaving Where? I dont know..Just away from this life style. Things are not the way i invisioned my life. I feel so awful about everything. How can i take that step to walking out (Or maybe running)? It all seems so scary.. But when i invision the BIG picture i can see me and the boys living happy and free from all of this caos!

Any one else feel this way after deployments and PDSS????

~Deb

I think that things are harder when they come home than when they leave.  As a military wives, when they leave we know that we HAVE to dig in our heels and hold it all together, especially if we have children.  Everything seems to go wrong when they are gone and we are left alone to deal with everything.  So, you get adjusted and your life is busy but  you are managing pretty good and then your dream day comes--your man is back, only it certainly isn't what you dreamed of, in fact it can be a nightmare! 

When my husband got back from Iraq almost a year ago he had been gone for eight months.  I really feel that our relationship and our relationships with God grew while he was gone.  We learned not to take each other for granted quite so much and I learned that I can take care of myself and my boys alone.  It was so hard to adjust to him being home.  We had the roughest patch of our eight year marriage in the six months after he came home.  I had a problem with not being in control of everything.  The kids resented him for leaving.  He was used to only having to care for himself.  At times, I was so angry him for leaving and for coming back such a different person, he had become so mean and selfish!  But, the good news is that we didn't give up.  We talked to our pastor and got some help and we learned to connect again.  Things aren't the same as before he left and they will never be that way again, but I think that we grew as a couple and as individuals and I feel that next time we will have the skills to deal with deployment and return in a better way. 

Just don't lose hope if things are a nightmare after a deployment.  When your fairytale crashes in on your head, dig in your heels, find outside help if you need to, and above all remember that this is the person you love and make it your priority to reconnect with him -- he needs you as much as you need him.

I am sleepless tonight as I am having a bout of PTSD and wonder if you have meant PTSD rather than PDSS.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a common happening from military under extreme stress and trauma.  A website you can go to to explore some combat related problems is http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp .  I have PTSD from childhood, and the stress you are under yourself can lead to PTSD for yourself and the kind of running away that you are talking about.  As for running away from this, I talked with a woman who had a child and she did leave her husband for it was too hard on her...but I cant say for you.  For me with PtSD, I need lots of quiet and love and music and peace.  A mesage might be nice.  PTSD can heal up a bit within a few months of being removed from the trauma.  There are nightmares, flashbacks, and sleepless nights and anger bouts, because of being touchy.  Many Viet vets have ended up in the woods as hermits.  There is a need for a safe place.  You can nurture your man.  You may not be able to live with him all of the time....perhaps until he gets some treatment, or you could live with him part of the time....for it is not good for either of you to get too stressed.  Much has been done with research on the subject.  It is difficult to have PtSD but also very rewarding to have the compassionate side of it in which to help others.  That is why I am writing you this, as I have great compassion for you for I can feel your pain.  Your man will have this perhaps too.  Please do not write him off.  I wish for you some peace.  Other things to consider is brain injuries which can cause a person to exhibit various problems with memory and sometimes dangerous rages.  I would have your husband checked out and he can get into a support group which is one of the ways of getting better. May you have some peace,

rose

This is something new for me, but I will explore further....a site here....   http://eggcorns.lascribe.net/english/627/dramatic/   sounds very interesting.....

I might check with a crisis center counselor in your city or the Veterans Administration or Veterans Disability Office to get some more information and counseling for yourself in this matter and also their suggestions  for your safety and children's and sanity.

 

this is all very hard,

I am so sorry for you....

 

mother in law of a soldier in Baghdad....

I could not imagine being a military wife.  I would be so depressed, which also has weight loss as one of its symptoms.  It sounds like your kids are being so effected by your husband being gone also.  the stress is immeasurable.  I wish you some peace.  My daughter's husband is in Iraq in Baghdad...and I pray so often for him and have all the churches working on praying.  this releases some of it for me, but it is so hard these days.  I would get some help for you and your children if you can through the kids school counselor, and also call around for military wives support.  You probably already have that going on.  You may need some meds for depression and anxiety and it is not a bad thing to do for now.  My daughter keeps very busy with friends and garden and working, but I cannot imagine having kids too with this.  I try to help her think ahead, to it only being 5 more months.  I think your hubby has 7 more??  Does he have a leave coming?

I will pray for you, do some really nurturing things for yourself.  You deserve it. so tough for you.

 

peace of mind,

rose

I'm a mother of a 18 old son who just in 3 months times has had my head spinning so fast that neither one of us knows what is really happening.

1. I married to his father while I was young and right out of high school because I was pregnant. (Big mistake)
2. His father has had custody of him and his brother since about 3rd grade.
3. Their is a stepmom in the picture which I'm not to fond about either, but try to get along with.
4. I pay child support my son is graduated now which as I speak still paying child support on.
5. He's graduated, signed with the army, got married and has a child on the way
6. I feel I'm a bad mother now that all this has happened and left out.
7. I've been told that my son will come back a different person and hopefully someday understand the mistake he has made with me. (Someday hopefully)
I feel like I have been left out in the cold on everything and here for him when he needs me.
I'm so lost and hurt that I don't know what to do. Any help would be greatful. I feel that his wife and step mom will get all the paper work about family day and graduation and I will get this information second handed. Any help or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much in advanced.