Topic : *A Dr. Phil Prime Time Special: Love Smart*

When I saw Rob, Ana and the girls on the show, a few things came to mind. I'm 27 years old and living in NYC, so I think can relate to what they have been through in the dating scene. (Not that those older cannot, I'm sure alot of you are older and wise than I) Just throwing in my 2 cents here. 

Rob has been dating alot of women, and he most likely feels justified in doing this because he most likely feels he's being honest with these women. He would probably tell us, that he never TOLD Ana or any of these women that he was exclusive with them, he would tell us something like.  

"Hey, I never lied to them, I never misled anyone, I never told them I was their boyfriend, so I can date anyone I want, I'm free" That is the attitude of many many guys. 

Remember on the show he said "I make them feel that I'm only with them" BUT HE NEVER TELLS THEM HE IS THEIRS. This is how he justifies this kind of behavior to himself. And it some way it rings true, he never told any of these women he was their boyfriend or just with them, they ASSUMED he was just dating them and that's where they went wrong.  

When I'm dating someone I NEVER assume that we are exclusive unless the guy comes out and SAYS we are. I feel that is how all girls should operate. If someone says they can't exclusively date you, you have to either accept that you're one of many girls they are with, or just tell them that this type of relationship is not for you. The mistake that most girls make is they think, "Well I like him alot so I'd rather share him with other women than not have him at all."  This is the attitude that allows guys like Rob to continue to do what they are doing. Believe me I'm sure Rob treats girls great, he calls them alot, takes them to fancy dinners and acts interested. But unless he uttered the words, "I just want to be with you, are you looking for a boyfriend because I'd like that to be me." All that means nothing. It's just bait he puts out to try to continue dating lots of girls and get sex.  

If we as women, told men who really didn't want to be boyfriend  "Look, I like you, but I'm looking for something long term so this isn't going to work for me." Then men like Rob would not be able to continue this kind of game. In some ways we as women allow this behavior to continue. 

You have to date smart. This is not to put Ana down in any way or say that Rob is justified in how he treated her. But how could Ana possibly think that Rob was exclusively dating when she lives in Boston and he lives in Southern California? One can't possibly assume that this guy is hanging out in the California sun alone. He even stated " I told her I couldn't date her becaue she lives far away" Yes this was part truth and part lies. He couldn't date her because she was geographically undesireable, but he also "wasn't that into her either". So he probably feels he was part truthful and spared her feelings. The best thing that Ana and these other women can do is have enough self worth to say. "Look I really like you, but I'm looking for something more sorry." If we all did this, this kind of game would fall apart and the types of girls that would be with Rob would be those who were ok with being second best, and that's a perfect match because as Dr. Phil said to Rob. "It's ok as long as both people know the name of the game." Don't allow fake calls text messages and fancy dinners to suck you into a false relationship. Guys like Rob want all the fun of a relationship and none of the work it takes to maintain one. Their looking for a quick fix, don't be their "drug" of choice ladies. 

Hi Rob 

If you want smart women to come to you stop trying to pick them up the same way you would a dumb one.  Smart women won't go out with guys like you because they're smart enough to know better.  If you want to date smart women you have to stop dating women who are loving dumb.  As to your fear of committment there's no better way to get over a fear than to approach what you fear head-on.  

Ladies: why do you need to validate yourselves through a commitment?  Why don't you try dating around?  Just as Rob needs to try something new, you need to try something new.  There's nothing wrong with casual dating, and it's sometimes an enlightening experience.  You have to be happy without love if you ever hope to be happy with it.  Ana, Boston is full of cute, intellectual guys.  Nothing wrong with staying within your zip code.  

Thanks 

I agree with all the other over 45 persons who have responded to Dr Phil's show - we are often ignored. I have found it difficult to meet new people in the small city I live in as they all seem to have their own"cliques" and having adult children I am not into the run here & there to sporting activities. A program highlighting the difficulties of "dating" after 45 would be helpful to us all ... soon to be "60" but feel & act 45 in Alberta, Canada 

While I understand Miss Abdul's problem, it seems ridiculous she decided to make her personal life the fodder to primetime television and used this program in order to "get a date". 

I am a 43 year old, intellegent woman who has NEVER had a date -- not in high school or anytime else in my life.  I am not pretty and don't have the things to attract a person -- no beauty, no power; I don't live in the right neighborhood, wear the right clothes or drie the right car.  

I am horridly lonely and don't have the "social currency" Paula has. 

These types of programs only point up that my chances of finding anyone are slim to none -- I don't have Dr. Phil to play matchmaker for me.... 

Ok Dave, since you have taken it upon yourself and I quote, "to be my personal tabloid" and exploit my feelings and the hurt that I suffered, I cannot believe that you have gone to such extreme lengths to purposely and intently make me feel worst about myself.  I have been flooded with nothing but support from friends, family and strangers regarding the show.  You, knowing me personally, have taken it upon yourself to make me feel even worst.  So where do I begin, because I will not let your personal vendetta against me diminish my self worth. 

A) We didn't date, not because I was naive, and not because you are like Rob.  No offense sweety, but Rob and I actually had a relationship whereas you and I had nothing.  I didn't date you because I didn't want to, not because I was naive.  And you did in fact choose the wrong word, because if your theory is correct as to why we didn't date, it wouldn't be naive, it would be smart. 

B) Internet dating may not be for you.  But it's 2006, people don't have time, society has changed, and you should get with the program.  There is nothing wrong in Internet dating.  If you're so against it, why are you on MySpace? 

C) I did not fly out there to see him, and the distance is not 5,000 miles, try 3. 

D) You don't know the relationship that Rob and I had, so in following your own advice, think before you react. 

When I saw Rob, Ana and the girls on the show, a few things came to mind. I'm 27 years old and living in NYC, so I think can relate to what they have been through in the dating scene. (Not that those older cannot, I'm sure alot of you are older and wise than I) Just throwing in my 2 cents here. 

Rob has been dating alot of women, and he most likely feels justified in doing this because he most likely feels he's being honest with these women. He would probably tell us, that he never TOLD Ana or any of these women that he was exclusive with them, he would tell us something like.  

"Hey, I never lied to them, I never misled anyone, I never told them I was their boyfriend, so I can date anyone I want, I'm free" That is the attitude of many many guys. 

Remember on the show he said "I make them feel that I'm only with them" BUT HE NEVER TELLS THEM HE IS THEIRS. This is how he justifies this kind of behavior to himself. And it some way it rings true, he never told any of these women he was their boyfriend or just with them, they ASSUMED he was just dating them and that's where they went wrong.  

When I'm dating someone I NEVER assume that we are exclusive unless the guy comes out and SAYS we are. I feel that is how all girls should operate. If someone says they can't exclusively date you, you have to either accept that you're one of many girls they are with, or just tell them that this type of relationship is not for you. The mistake that most girls make is they think, "Well I like him alot so I'd rather share him with other women than not have him at all."  This is the attitude that allows guys like Rob to continue to do what they are doing. Believe me I'm sure Rob treats girls great, he calls them alot, takes them to fancy dinners and acts interested. But unless he uttered the words, "I just want to be with you, are you looking for a boyfriend because I'd like that to be me." All that means nothing. It's just bait he puts out to try to continue dating lots of girls and get sex.  

If we as women, told men who really didn't want to be boyfriend  "Look, I like you, but I'm looking for something long term so this isn't going to work for me." Then men like Rob would not be able to continue this kind of game. In some ways we as women allow this behavior to continue. 

You have to date smart. This is not to put Ana down in any way or say that Rob is justified in how he treated her. But how could Ana possibly think that Rob was exclusively dating when she lives in Boston and he lives in Southern California? One can't possibly assume that this guy is hanging out in the California sun alone. He even stated " I told her I couldn't date her becaue she lives far away" Yes this was part truth and part lies. He couldn't date her because she was geographically undesireable, but he also "wasn't that into her either". So he probably feels he was part truthful and spared her feelings. The best thing that Ana and these other women can do is have enough self worth to say. "Look I really like you, but I'm looking for something more sorry." If we all did this, this kind of game would fall apart and the types of girls that would be with Rob would be those who were ok with being second best, and that's a perfect match because as Dr. Phil said to Rob. "It's ok as long as both people know the name of the game." Don't allow fake calls text messages and fancy dinners to suck you into a false relationship. Guys like Rob want all the fun of a relationship and none of the work it takes to maintain one. Their looking for a quick fix, don't be their "drug" of choice ladies. 

Ok Dave, since you have taken it upon yourself and I quote, "to be my personal tabloid" and exploit my feelings and the hurt that I suffered, I cannot believe that you have gone to such extreme lengths to purposely and intently make me feel worst about myself.  I have been flooded with nothing but support from friends, family and strangers regarding the show.  You, knowing me personally, have taken it upon yourself to make me feel even worst.  So where do I begin, because I will not let your personal vendetta against me diminish my self worth. 

A) We didn't date, not because I was naive, and not because you are like Rob.  No offense sweety, but Rob and I actually had a relationship whereas you and I had nothing.  I didn't date you because I didn't want to, not because I was naive.  And you did in fact choose the wrong word, because if your theory is correct as to why we didn't date, it wouldn't be naive, it would be smart. 

B) Internet dating may not be for you.  But it's 2006, people don't have time, society has changed, and you should get with the program.  There is nothing wrong in Internet dating.  If you're so against it, why are you on MySpace? 

C) I did not fly out there to see him, and the distance is not 5,000 miles, try 3. 

D) You don't know the relationship that Rob and I had, so in following your own advice, think before you react.