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Topic : *A Dr. Phil Prime Time Special: Love Smart*

Number of Replies: 240
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Created on : Monday, February 13, 2006, 11:47:44 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil sits down with one of America's biggest stars, a woman who's single and sick of it. Paula Abdul's extends a rare invitation inside her home ... and heart. Follow her as she chooses one lucky date from 10 bachelors hand-picked by Dr. Phil. Plus, Rob juggles so many women, he says his social life could be a full-time job. After years of playing the field, he wonders if it's time to settle down. Is an emotional block keeping Rob single, or is his playboy lifestyle simply too much fun? See what happens when Rob’s girlfriends learn the truth about him. Against the backdrop of an old-time drive-in theater, Dr. Phil conveys a timeless message. He shows singles and couples alike how to stop loving dumb and start loving smart.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 6, 2006, 11:17 am CST

"He's Just Not That Into You"

Quote From: melomoon

When I saw Rob, Ana and the girls on the show, a few things came to mind. I'm 27 years old and living in NYC, so I think can relate to what they have been through in the dating scene. (Not that those older cannot, I'm sure alot of you are older and wise than I) Just throwing in my 2 cents here. 

  

Rob has been dating alot of women, and he most likely feels justified in doing this because he most likely feels he's being honest with these women. He would probably tell us, that he never TOLD Ana or any of these women that he was exclusive with them, he would tell us something like.  

  

"Hey, I never lied to them, I never misled anyone, I never told them I was their boyfriend, so I can date anyone I want, I'm free" That is the attitude of many many guys. 

  

Remember on the show he said "I make them feel that I'm only with them" BUT HE NEVER TELLS THEM HE IS THEIRS. This is how he justifies this kind of behavior to himself. And it some way it rings true, he never told any of these women he was their boyfriend or just with them, they ASSUMED he was just dating them and that's where they went wrong.  

  

When I'm dating someone I NEVER assume that we are exclusive unless the guy comes out and SAYS we are. I feel that is how all girls should operate. If someone says they can't exclusively date you, you have to either accept that you're one of many girls they are with, or just tell them that this type of relationship is not for you. The mistake that most girls make is they think, "Well I like him alot so I'd rather share him with other women than not have him at all."  This is the attitude that allows guys like Rob to continue to do what they are doing. Believe me I'm sure Rob treats girls great, he calls them alot, takes them to fancy dinners and acts interested. But unless he uttered the words, "I just want to be with you, are you looking for a boyfriend because I'd like that to be me." All that means nothing. It's just bait he puts out to try to continue dating lots of girls and get sex.  

  

If we as women, told men who really didn't want to be boyfriend  "Look, I like you, but I'm looking for something long term so this isn't going to work for me." Then men like Rob would not be able to continue this kind of game. In some ways we as women allow this behavior to continue. 

  

You have to date smart. This is not to put Ana down in any way or say that Rob is justified in how he treated her. But how could Ana possibly think that Rob was exclusively dating when she lives in Boston and he lives in Southern California? One can't possibly assume that this guy is hanging out in the California sun alone. He even stated " I told her I couldn't date her becaue she lives far away" Yes this was part truth and part lies. He couldn't date her because she was geographically undesireable, but he also "wasn't that into her either". So he probably feels he was part truthful and spared her feelings. The best thing that Ana and these other women can do is have enough self worth to say. "Look I really like you, but I'm looking for something more sorry." If we all did this, this kind of game would fall apart and the types of girls that would be with Rob would be those who were ok with being second best, and that's a perfect match because as Dr. Phil said to Rob. "It's ok as long as both people know the name of the game." Don't allow fake calls text messages and fancy dinners to suck you into a false relationship. Guys like Rob want all the fun of a relationship and none of the work it takes to maintain one. Their looking for a quick fix, don't be their "drug" of choice ladies. 

You've obvisouly done your homework...sounds like you read that book "He's Just Not That Into You"...we have to be educated daters and listen to the "voices" and intuitions that we have...guys are not that complicated...usually they'll tell you exactly what they're ALL ABOUT...we just don't listen but there are those "wolves in sheep's clothing" that never tell the truth!!  Dr. Phil's "Love Smart" book has taught me a lot...mainly that I knew very little about men and had no business dating them until I got educated...I'm educated and I refuse to take any kind of crap off of a man now!  They say "listen to your heart"...the Bible says to not trust your heart it will lie to you...I believe the latter!  Listen to your God given intuition and get educated!!!  WE TEACH PEOPLE (ALL PEOPLE) HOW TO TREAT US...as Dr. Phil's book says...DON'T REWARD BAD BEHAVIOR!!!
 
March 6, 2006, 11:45 am CST

Ditto!

Quote From: emilyce

Hi Rob 

  

If you want smart women to come to you stop trying to pick them up the same way you would a dumb one.  Smart women won't go out with guys like you because they're smart enough to know better.  If you want to date smart women you have to stop dating women who are loving dumb.  As to your fear of committment there's no better way to get over a fear than to approach what you fear head-on.  

  

Ladies: why do you need to validate yourselves through a commitment?  Why don't you try dating around?  Just as Rob needs to try something new, you need to try something new.  There's nothing wrong with casual dating, and it's sometimes an enlightening experience.  You have to be happy without love if you ever hope to be happy with it.  Ana, Boston is full of cute, intellectual guys.  Nothing wrong with staying within your zip code.  

  

Thanks 

I just finished Dr. Phil's book "Love Smarts" last night...I absolutely loved it!!  I learned soooo much about MYSELF and the mistakes that I have made in the past to get me into the bad situations that I have gotten myself into and take full responsibility for ...I WAS an uneducated woman out there dating "whoever" asked me out...I DON'T NEED ANY MAN TO VALIDATE THAT I AM A CHARMING, FABULOUS, HAPPY and BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WHO LOVES HERSELF!!!  I have "gotten back out there" just a couple of weeks ago and I'm dating "several" men...I've never dated more than one man in my life!!!  For the first time in my life...I feel good about me and know who I am and what I want and don't hesitate to let them know that...instead of turning into someone MEN want me to be...I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I KNOW WHO I AM and IT FEELS GREAT!!!  Try it, Ana...it really works...educate yourself and don't give up!!  We all want to be loved and love someone but we don't want to lose who God made us in the meantime!!!  Stay strong...
 
March 6, 2006, 11:55 am CST

*A Dr. Phil Prime Time Special: Love Smart*

Quote From: donny72

I agree with all the other over 45 persons who have responded to Dr Phil's show - we are often ignored. I have found it difficult to meet new people in the small city I live in as they all seem to have their own"cliques" and having adult children I am not into the run here & there to sporting activities. A program highlighting the difficulties of "dating" after 45 would be helpful to us all ... soon to be "60" but feel & act 45 in Alberta, Canada 

Ditto!!!  WE MUST EDUCATE OURSELVES...as soon as a man starts showing a lizard-like tail (and we've all dated them!)  RUN!  RUN FAR...RUN FAST AND RUN HARD!!!  We teach people how to treat us...men get away with this behavior because WE ALLOW IT!!!
 
March 6, 2006, 12:34 pm CST

*A Dr. Phil Prime Time Special: Love Smart*

Quote From: dvhill

While I understand Miss Abdul's problem, it seems ridiculous she decided to make her personal life the fodder to primetime television and used this program in order to "get a date". 

  

I am a 43 year old, intellegent woman who has NEVER had a date -- not in high school or anytime else in my life.  I am not pretty and don't have the things to attract a person -- no beauty, no power; I don't live in the right neighborhood, wear the right clothes or drie the right car.  

  

I am horridly lonely and don't have the "social currency" Paula has. 

  

These types of programs only point up that my chances of finding anyone are slim to none -- I don't have Dr. Phil to play matchmaker for me.... 

Read Dr. Phil's book and you'll realize that there is someone for everyone...you just have to educate yourself to find them...please don't be soooo hopeless!  That will show and men will see that...pick out your best asset and GO FOR IT!!!  I don't believe that men or women have a cookie cutter of a person that they are attracted to!!!  Don't give up...YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL, CHARMING AND GIFTED woman...YOU BELIEVE THAT FIRST!!!
 
March 9, 2006, 2:12 pm CST

I applaud your resonse.

Quote From: amoretto8

Ok Dave, since you have taken it upon yourself and I quote, "to be my personal tabloid" and exploit my feelings and the hurt that I suffered, I cannot believe that you have gone to such extreme lengths to purposely and intently make me feel worst about myself.  I have been flooded with nothing but support from friends, family and strangers regarding the show.  You, knowing me personally, have taken it upon yourself to make me feel even worst.  So where do I begin, because I will not let your personal vendetta against me diminish my self worth. 

  

A) We didn't date, not because I was naive, and not because you are like Rob.  No offense sweety, but Rob and I actually had a relationship whereas you and I had nothing.  I didn't date you because I didn't want to, not because I was naive.  And you did in fact choose the wrong word, because if your theory is correct as to why we didn't date, it wouldn't be naive, it would be smart. 

  

B) Internet dating may not be for you.  But it's 2006, people don't have time, society has changed, and you should get with the program.  There is nothing wrong in Internet dating.  If you're so against it, why are you on MySpace? 

  

C) I did not fly out there to see him, and the distance is not 5,000 miles, try 3. 

  

D) You don't know the relationship that Rob and I had, so in following your own advice, think before you react. 

Ana, 

  

I must say that this dude's response to you was unbelievable!  All he did was make himself look totally foolish and to think that anyone could attack you given the circumstances is beyond my comprehension. Though I am not sure he even deserved a response from you I thought you handled him very well.   

  

I too watched the show you were on.  It made me so angry that I hardly slept that night and called several people the next day just to tell them what I saw and vent my anger.  Besides all the damage these guys do to the women themselves what inevitably happens is that the legitimate  men around pay for the lack of trust and respect in men in the women they hurt.  I was glad and impressed to see that you had the strength and character to be able to put Rob behind you and move on with your life especially considering the ordeal you endured on national television. 

  

You really are a great catch and I hope you never loose sight ot that.  Seeing your feelings for Rob at the beginning of the show before the "truth" came out really touched my heart.  What I wouldn't give for someone to feel that way about me and how foolish it was for Rob to not appreciate such a priceless gift.  I don't say that to criticize Rob, but in pity.  What a sad day it will be for him when he realizes what he has done and what he has lost. 

  

Best wishes to you Ana 

  

Dennis        

 
March 14, 2006, 12:12 pm CST

*A Dr. Phil Prime Time Special: Love Smart*

Quote From: pjethetton

I just finished Dr. Phil's book "Love Smarts" last night...I absolutely loved it!!  I learned soooo much about MYSELF and the mistakes that I have made in the past to get me into the bad situations that I have gotten myself into and take full responsibility for ...I WAS an uneducated woman out there dating "whoever" asked me out...I DON'T NEED ANY MAN TO VALIDATE THAT I AM A CHARMING, FABULOUS, HAPPY and BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WHO LOVES HERSELF!!!  I have "gotten back out there" just a couple of weeks ago and I'm dating "several" men...I've never dated more than one man in my life!!!  For the first time in my life...I feel good about me and know who I am and what I want and don't hesitate to let them know that...instead of turning into someone MEN want me to be...I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I KNOW WHO I AM and IT FEELS GREAT!!!  Try it, Ana...it really works...educate yourself and don't give up!!  We all want to be loved and love someone but we don't want to lose who God made us in the meantime!!!  Stay strong...

Many applauses to you!  The appreciation you bring to yourself will be enough happiness to sustain you for your entire life.  A relationship should only add to that happiness.  If you feel it completes you or takes happiness away, then it is not worth having.  Too many women in this country feel that they need a boyfriend, a fiance or a husband to be happy.  It's viewed as a status symbol or an achievement of some kind.    

On the other hand, a lot of men feel they need to sleep with as many women as possible to be happy.  They also view this as an accomplishment, even though like the former it doesn't really accomplish anything b/c it only benefits you.  This is all fine if it only adds to your happiness, but not if you feel it completes it.           

There are all kinds of relationships that can add your personal happiness and make it better, but they aren't all necessary in order for us to live happily. 

I hope someday to break this notion in America that our women need their white wedding in order to be considered happy and successful in their lives.  I want to prove that it is possible for women to be able to live happily with or without those things.   

 
March 14, 2006, 12:23 pm CST

what?

Quote From: melomoon

When I saw Rob, Ana and the girls on the show, a few things came to mind. I'm 27 years old and living in NYC, so I think can relate to what they have been through in the dating scene. (Not that those older cannot, I'm sure alot of you are older and wise than I) Just throwing in my 2 cents here. 

  

Rob has been dating alot of women, and he most likely feels justified in doing this because he most likely feels he's being honest with these women. He would probably tell us, that he never TOLD Ana or any of these women that he was exclusive with them, he would tell us something like.  

  

"Hey, I never lied to them, I never misled anyone, I never told them I was their boyfriend, so I can date anyone I want, I'm free" That is the attitude of many many guys. 

  

Remember on the show he said "I make them feel that I'm only with them" BUT HE NEVER TELLS THEM HE IS THEIRS. This is how he justifies this kind of behavior to himself. And it some way it rings true, he never told any of these women he was their boyfriend or just with them, they ASSUMED he was just dating them and that's where they went wrong.  

  

When I'm dating someone I NEVER assume that we are exclusive unless the guy comes out and SAYS we are. I feel that is how all girls should operate. If someone says they can't exclusively date you, you have to either accept that you're one of many girls they are with, or just tell them that this type of relationship is not for you. The mistake that most girls make is they think, "Well I like him alot so I'd rather share him with other women than not have him at all."  This is the attitude that allows guys like Rob to continue to do what they are doing. Believe me I'm sure Rob treats girls great, he calls them alot, takes them to fancy dinners and acts interested. But unless he uttered the words, "I just want to be with you, are you looking for a boyfriend because I'd like that to be me." All that means nothing. It's just bait he puts out to try to continue dating lots of girls and get sex.  

  

If we as women, told men who really didn't want to be boyfriend  "Look, I like you, but I'm looking for something long term so this isn't going to work for me." Then men like Rob would not be able to continue this kind of game. In some ways we as women allow this behavior to continue. 

  

You have to date smart. This is not to put Ana down in any way or say that Rob is justified in how he treated her. But how could Ana possibly think that Rob was exclusively dating when she lives in Boston and he lives in Southern California? One can't possibly assume that this guy is hanging out in the California sun alone. He even stated " I told her I couldn't date her becaue she lives far away" Yes this was part truth and part lies. He couldn't date her because she was geographically undesireable, but he also "wasn't that into her either". So he probably feels he was part truthful and spared her feelings. The best thing that Ana and these other women can do is have enough self worth to say. "Look I really like you, but I'm looking for something more sorry." If we all did this, this kind of game would fall apart and the types of girls that would be with Rob would be those who were ok with being second best, and that's a perfect match because as Dr. Phil said to Rob. "It's ok as long as both people know the name of the game." Don't allow fake calls text messages and fancy dinners to suck you into a false relationship. Guys like Rob want all the fun of a relationship and none of the work it takes to maintain one. Their looking for a quick fix, don't be their "drug" of choice ladies. 

What do you mean, wait for the guy to say "we're exclusive, you can be my girlfriend now"?  Why would you even want to be with a guy who you have to wait to be exclusive with?  And why would you want to be exclusive with someone just because he says you are?   

 
February 18, 2007, 4:12 pm CST

Reply to the woman that said Hi Rob

Quote From: pjethetton

I just finished Dr. Phil's book "Love Smarts" last night...I absolutely loved it!!  I learned soooo much about MYSELF and the mistakes that I have made in the past to get me into the bad situations that I have gotten myself into and take full responsibility for ...I WAS an uneducated woman out there dating "whoever" asked me out...I DON'T NEED ANY MAN TO VALIDATE THAT I AM A CHARMING, FABULOUS, HAPPY and BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WHO LOVES HERSELF!!!  I have "gotten back out there" just a couple of weeks ago and I'm dating "several" men...I've never dated more than one man in my life!!!  For the first time in my life...I feel good about me and know who I am and what I want and don't hesitate to let them know that...instead of turning into someone MEN want me to be...I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I KNOW WHO I AM and IT FEELS GREAT!!!  Try it, Ana...it really works...educate yourself and don't give up!!  We all want to be loved and love someone but we don't want to lose who God made us in the meantime!!!  Stay strong...

You have it exactly!

 

I agree with your statement about women need to date other men when single, this is a very true statement. Rob, is discovering life as all of us do. You need to get to know people your dating..and this is the only way you do this. So, many women fall to fast. I don't think Rob was being disrespectful in anyway...he told the truth and I think everybody's negative input is just flat out not smart. What he is discovering in life is to date. You tell me what person should not try dating? Isn't this the definition of the word "Dating"

 

Rob is very handsome, but he is very smart...love or caring is a two way street...what was he suppose to fall in love and be with this Ana due, to feeling sorry for her? Everyone chooses there own path. Most all these viewers are thinking with their emotions..on ahhhhh poor Ana...look at what Rob did...what did he do? She admitted or it came out that all this was in her imagination of her feelings...he was up front with her, why did the middle girl know and understand that he will not commit unless he chooses to. What part do some viewers not understand??

 

Put your self in his shoes...do you want to be with someone out of guilt or feeling sorry for this person? Obviously Ana needs to grow up a little and can just cling to someone unless it is their...you will know it. She shows obsessive behavior. Ana have you been this way with every guy that shows interest in you?

 

I am sorry everyone...I support Rob and he will find the right woman...Everyone needs to ask themselves the questions above. Their may be fewer divorces due to being cautious...did you hear him say "She was obsessive" Well this was a sign for him.

 

Thanks

 
February 18, 2007, 4:36 pm CST

*A Dr. Phil Prime Time Special: Love Smart*

Quote From: blgspc

I’ve worked with addictions for more than 25 years. I DO NOT see Rob as a sex addict. 

What Rob needs is a good 12- Step Program for men who are Covert, Dishonest, Narcissistic, arrogant, Entitled AND Conscience and Integrity-Free!  

  

I believe that Rob will start all over again tomorrow morning. I don’t believe that getting BUSTED on national TV is even going to slow him down!!!! 

I do feel VERY badly for all of those poor guys who LOOK like Rob!!! 

  

Brenda 

I think that everyone is jelous of Rob....12-Step? come on what is "Dating" Hello out their?? Sex addict? where is this coming from?

 

Get a grip you guys....people date, Ana is just Obsessive Disorder...Dating is Dating!!

 
February 24, 2007, 10:27 am CST

to ana

Quote From: amoretto8

Ok Dave, since you have taken it upon yourself and I quote, "to be my personal tabloid" and exploit my feelings and the hurt that I suffered, I cannot believe that you have gone to such extreme lengths to purposely and intently make me feel worst about myself.  I have been flooded with nothing but support from friends, family and strangers regarding the show.  You, knowing me personally, have taken it upon yourself to make me feel even worst.  So where do I begin, because I will not let your personal vendetta against me diminish my self worth. 

  

A) We didn't date, not because I was naive, and not because you are like Rob.  No offense sweety, but Rob and I actually had a relationship whereas you and I had nothing.  I didn't date you because I didn't want to, not because I was naive.  And you did in fact choose the wrong word, because if your theory is correct as to why we didn't date, it wouldn't be naive, it would be smart. 

  

B) Internet dating may not be for you.  But it's 2006, people don't have time, society has changed, and you should get with the program.  There is nothing wrong in Internet dating.  If you're so against it, why are you on MySpace? 

  

C) I did not fly out there to see him, and the distance is not 5,000 miles, try 3. 

  

D) You don't know the relationship that Rob and I had, so in following your own advice, think before you react. 

Ana..

 

Are you or do you have obsessive compulsive disorder?

 

Do you get attached to a guy right away and have you ever had this problem with other guys?

 

What about yourself, did you keep trying to send Rob stuff knowing as he explained to you about the distance but, you keep insisting and calling?

 

He mentioned on the show that your were obsessed with him.

 

Just wondering...........

 
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