Topic : 07/31 Are You a Bitch?

I found this show interesting.  As a professional woman in a male profession, I have experimented over the past 20 years with many different ways to handle situations.  Many of the methods I tried did not garner the desired outcomes!  It's true that I often find that men are honored by being "assertive" while women acting in the same manner are referred to as "bitches".  In the long run, however, a woman has to retain her dignity, integrity, and femininity.  It's a tough balancing act, especially when you employ men.  You get what you expect and you get what you project.  I am viewed as being a strong woman and the men I work with and employ respect me.  They also open the doors for me, hold my chair, and stand when I enter the conference room.  I thank them each and every time because I also treat them with respect and honor.  If I reacted to them like the women on the show I wouldn't have survived, made a difference, or changed their opinion of women in leadership.

I noticed that sometimes, people who were treated badly in school or by people who claimed to be their friends, sometimes rebel and decide that they're not going to take it anymore. Some of them become so aggressive that it gets out of hand, like the women on this show. Thing is, in a way, I've had that exact same experience. 

  

The only difference is, as I became more and more angry and aggressive, I could see myself edging towards becoming a real bitch. At that point, and even now, I really try to control my temper and smile more so I can avoid ending up this way. At times, it can be a struggle because so many people out there really are only concerned with themselves or they feel they have to treat others badly. Then you get your back up and it starts all over again. 

  

I'm always making a concerted effort to "not go there" because I realize that you put out a certain vibe and people can sense it. If you put out an angry, "don't mess with me" vibe, people stay far away - that includes friends and family. At the other end of the spectrum, if you put out a meek "step all over me" vibe, people will. The trick is to find a nice middle ground where you can respect yourself and still have people like you. 

  

Yikes...! I can't believe how aggressive these women are. I have a friend who is very similar. I mean, she has a great heart, but she'll snap at anything. If somebody is driving with their bights on, she'll start screaming in the car. There were times that she got distracted by screaming at somebody that she almost got into a wreck. She ran a couple lights before and caused other cars to slam on their breaks. She nearly hit a person one time, so all I’m saying is that, these women really should calm down because, they could be putting their lives on the line or somebody else’s.  I honestly don't think that being aggressive get's you anywhere. It just makes people to not want to be around you, it's embarrassing. There are times I try to lose my friend in the store, because can she get embarrassing to be around. The reason why I am still her friend is because that is what she needs. So, ladies please…calm down. It really isn’t worth sweating over the smallest things. I know that people will do stupid and annoying things, but that’s a part of life that you need to deal with.  If you can’t deal with anger in a positive way, then you could be putting a life in danger.  

  

 

you might have a thyroid problem, that can cause a lot of moodiness, it looks like your thyroid  is enlarged.

TC

My  brother has told me for years now the worse you treat woman the better they treat you. I have always told him  he is wrong. But now I agree with him. Next week  I will be married to the same man for 22 yrs and 5 mos ago I found out that he was having an affair. All the years that we have been married I waited on him hand and foot because I loved him. And look how he has done me !!!!! I don't know rather to rip his head off, get a divorce or stay with him !!!!!! So I'm beginning to think treat them bad before they do you. So being nice doesn't get you anywhere !!!!!!!!

 Monday – February 20, 2006  4:45 pm

I sent this to Dr. Phil - after the show,  and then I saw your quote and found someone (you) in the message board that I could agree with. I am also making an "effot" to not to there too....thanks for sharing your thoughts - hope we both help someone, as we too are in the process of helping ourselves not to go where we do not want to end up.
 

SENT THIS LETTER TO DR . PHIL after the show -

Dr. Phil:

I have been on this self-examination of myself for awhile now.  I had a lot to do today; however, I decided to take break and watch your show: http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/675/

One thing that you said was (summary of what you said) your either “Assertive” or “Aggressive” – Assertive is that you stand up for yourself; however, Aggressive is to hell if it hurts someone.  I thought long and hard about that one today.

I listened to each young woman on your show today, and sadly enough I saw myself in each of them.  Each woman expressed that they had some experience in their past that made them feel they had to get someone “before” they got them.  In other words – they had been hurt, and they were not going to let someone hurt them again. Each woman carried a “hurt” with them, and put that hurt on someone else. They either hurt someone that cared about them or they could care for, or they prevented themselves to have a good relationship, because of all this old baggage.

You stated (if I heard you correctly) that there is a difference in “confidence” and “power”.  I actually think in my case that I take in insecurities and transform them to a power and control, to cover up my insecurities.

I was the shy little girl (almost a year younger than my classmates) that got picked on in elementary school.  I grew up to be a beautiful young lady that meet a lot of young men from boarding schools, that came to school dances with me. The bullies (girls that picked on me when I was younger) wanted to be my friend and accepted me into this “click” that I  was only too happy to be accepted into. The  rest of high school made me forget about my unhappy elementary school experiences; however, I think I repressed all that hurt and anger. At 13 I got molested (this man did not take my virginity, but touched me in private parts and stuck his tongue down my throat and I had never kissed a boy in my life) by my mother’s best friend.  My mom to this day has never given me the affirmation that she felt bad about it and it was not my fault.  Therefore, I inwardly had more anger that I kept inside of me.

Years later (lots of hurts and pain along with a lot of joys of having a wonderful child); I found myself reacting to people I cared about in a negative way (pushing them away) afraid of being hurt by someone I cared about.

Years later; I found myself having to deal with a lot of injustice and the anger that was repressed in me all these years came out like these women on your show – I was out to take “control” of the situation this time, and not let anyone hurt me again.  Meantime – I “could not” accept or trust anyone that was just kind and good and had no intention of hurting me.

I have gotten a lot of help from your show today, and I wanted to let you know.  I saw myself in those women (I never came to the extreme of some of their behavior) and I am glad that I have not.  It was only a matter of time that I would have gotten so cold and set in my ways – that I could never fall in love with a nice man and be a good loving women.

I recognize my problems, and I am making an effort to change.  It is hard for me to admit that I am wrong sometimes (don’t like to), yet I want everyone else to admit their faults to me.  What I am afraid of it that I will miss a great opportunity of real love, cause I have to much bitterness in me.  When I think I forgave all those that hurt me - and all the bitterness is gone; something or someone will trigger something in me that brings it all back again - and I am back to square one. At least I have someone (or two people) that are honest enough to point out my faults (in a gentle way) lately to me and your show was the confirmation to what they have been trying to show me.  I pray that I can find some way to  get past my former hurts and not bring it into my future, and at least find peace with myself.  If we have no peace from “within”, we can not attract the kind of people in our lives that we are looking for.

Thank you Dr. Phil.

 

 To be called a bitch ,.....Let's say thankyou 

 To me Bitch stands for: 

 B-babe  

 i-in 

 t-total 

 c-control of 

 h-herself