Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

You asked what the role of a wife is at the end of todays show. The role of a wife changes daily based on the families needs.  The family - not just the husband.  Grant needs to remember that his wife is not just a wife, she is also a mother and a woman.  She did not enter into a marriage to be judged.  A marriage is the merging of two peoples skills and talents.  If Grant has the skill of organization he should organize the cupboards, kitchen and linens to his specifications.  If the mop & broom are not where he wants them he should install hooks to hang them on. 

  

I married a man who was a professional cook and when he started criticizing and critiquing my cooking I turned the duty over to him and told him that there was no need in us both having that knowledge so he could do the cooking and I would do the clean up.  This has worked for us for the last twenty years. 

  

Grant has verbally beat his wife down to where she does not feel confident in the person that she is or the gits that she brought into their relationship. 

  

I worry about the expectations that Grant will have for his children and the pressures that he will put on them.  I would like to see this family get some regular counseling.  Grant for his warped sense of what a wife should be and his beautiful wife for the confidence to stand up to him and defend the person that she is. 

  

        I agree, something is going on with him, he's not telling a whole truth by any means..... 

Kelly is doing the most important things for this time of her life.  She is giving her children the time and attention that they need.   This should be first for Grant also.  Their children will never be small again.  When the children are grown, she'll still be cleaning the house and cooking the meals and she'll have more time for this if this is what she wants to do.  Grant should be a stay-at-home-dad for a month and maybe then he'd find out what are the most important things in life.  Also Grant could help with a lot of the household chores.  Kelly's job lasts 24 hrs a day and it is his children and his house.  If he doesn't want to help, then he could hire someone to help clean their house. 

  

I lost a child to cancer and now my house is not as neat anymore but it doesn't matter because I give my granddaughters a lot of quality time and this is more important than a spotless house.  I still have my house but not my daughter. 

  

Sometimes our priorities are not in the right order, but our families should be the most important part of our lives. 

I watched both shows with Grant and was completely floored to hear his expectations. 

I hurt for Kelly since you could see how sad she was. 

  

Having said that, there are a few things I would hope that we try to remember...the audience never sees everything that happens (unless they are there for the taping).  Everything on tv is shown to draw viewers, no matter what the program. 

  

Yes, Grant is controlling and has a ton of issues - but who are we to say that he doesn't want to change?  Has anyone ever tried to change a lifetime of behavior overnight....it isn't easy.  He obviously has issues that have nothing to do with his wife, and needs to resolve them -  

  

I am surprised how many people are telling this family to split up and get a divorce...if she is willing to stay while he works through his many issues then she obviously has a strong sense of family and loves her husband.  Just maybe she has her own issues to work through (and I don't mean ones that are caused because of her husband.) 

  

Now before everyone goes crazy blasting me for my comments --- I have been a part of a very abusive and extremely controlling marriage, things Grant said on the first show made me cringe - but i don't think he would be on national television if he weren't willing to try - I can tell you my ex still to this day (and it has been 11 years) is the same, actually worse, and would NEVER agree to something that even begins to suggest he is in the wrong or behaves in a controlling manner!   

  

I also have 3 children, go to school full time, work while they are in school (at their school) and I am home whenever they are home.  My house is not perfect (not that I wouldn't like it to be) and my husband doesn't always help as much as I would like.  But my kids are happy, they know they are loved, and they are respectful.  I guess the whole point of this is just the we try to remember every person has their own values, goals, issues, and weaknesses...when people come on national television, there is so much that we don't see.  Maybe we should be encouraging couples to work together (through all of their issues)  rather than spurring them to divorce. 

getting to read your posts? What would she say about this one. I think that person was only trying to help and they did have experience in that area.(Asbergers) I'm not saying it is true-I don't know that area. But your marriage at most reflects a wife who is more a hostage of your criticism than a happy wife in a marriage. I wanted to wave a hand in front of your face and say"Hellooooooooo! Is anyone in there?????????"  There is some type of severe relationship problem here and all you can say is "i'm probably right" Is Kelley still giggling now that she's read your posts? I doubt it. Are you still in counselling? That would at least give some hope. My guess is you got mad at the counselo and quit.. Am I right? They probably didn't understand your theories about life as it should be instead of life as it is.

 Dr. Phil, 

I am a police officer, my wife is a manager of a day spa. We both work 40 plus hours a week and have 3 kids. 

I watched the show today "Wifestyles" in surprise that Grant's wife would even stay and put up with his nonsence. Any man that treats their wife like that really should not have them in the first place.  

 Grant treats her like a robot or a employee. You should never ask your wife to do tasks that you would not do yourself. I was steaming mad as Grant pulled out his list of things for her to do while he sits and does what? She is a full time wife mother, that is a job in itself.  

  I have had the the gift of God's grace to have a great women brought into my life and my motto is to "Do one thing daily that makes her day easier". 

 If you ever have Grant on the show again, Please allow me to be on also so I can get him a clue! 

Thanks,  

Alex

 

I was wondering why you consider it to be living in a fantasy world if you are critical (albeit done correctly) to someone you love?  I would think you would understand about being critiqued and having to suck it up to do a better job.   

  

EW2 

     AMEN!  After watching the show today I was in a state of shock; why  has Kelly not changed the locks and left his clothes in a neat pile on the front lawn???I truly do not see anything but more heartache for that poor women and it scares me that she thinks it is ok to put up with this man for even one more hour of one more day.

I was wondering why you consider it to be living in a fantasy world if you are critical (albeit done correctly) to someone you love?  I would think you would understand about being critiqued and having to suck it up to do a better job.   

  

EW2 

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the views of Grant.  I see that Grant would like for everything to be perfect.  As a wife, and mother of a eight month old son, I know it can be exhausting to keep the house clean, putting a good meal on the table, et cetera.  It's hard even when you have a husband that is willing to help you instead of criticizing your every move.   

  

I do believe Grant has forgotten how horribly tired and overwhelmed he was when he was left to take care of the home.  I didn't!  I think he needs to look over that tape a few times.  I think he means well, but just doesn't get "it".  He has a beautiful wife that is trying to keep up with his needs and to my amazement, feels bad when she doesn't keep up with his extremely high standards.  Besides the day that Grant was being a house husband, I have not seen him lift a finger.  He wants results, well get busy...I'm sure his wife is ready for some help.  I'm angry (frustrated) with his complaints about how he wants her to do something with the house and then has the audacity to complain about the color of the curtains and paint color after it is done.   

  

Grant, you want something done right (to your standards), do it yourself or quit complaining.  If my husband ever thought of saying half the things that Grant has said on the show I'm pretty sure he'd be sleeping with one eye open at night.  Personally, the most important thing in a relationship is an even partnership.  My husband works unbelievable hours and is even currently serving overseas in the Army.  I also have a full time job.  When he does get home (when he's not deployed), he'll help me with whatever I need, even if he's exhausted.  It goes both ways.  I would do anything for my husband, but I know he'd do the same for me no matter what the circumstance.  Maybe if you helped out at home A LOT more often, you may have a happier, more appreciative wife.  I have heard this quite a few times that the job of a housewife is like working two full time jobs.  When you come home, I think you should make a nice quality meal for the family (make it an "A"), clean the kitchen up from what you did to the kitchen, bathe the children, clean up the house, give your wife a massage and then see how much energy you have.  Do yourself and your wife a favor and put that wedding band back on if you are a committed husband.   

Kelly you need to make a list with about 75 things that would make a wonderful husband.  See if Grant can keep up.  Good Luck Grant, you need it!!!!!