Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

Grant!  

You need to lay off the books for a while.instead of reading the books and magazines find out what your wife's needs and wants are.Maybe she should make a list for you and what your responsibilities in this relationship is. AS FOR THE RING! Shame on you!!!! The "ring" is a symbol of a commitment you made with Kelly.....Till death do you part, for better or worse... You are not a man you are a coward. Hiding behind your wife's inperfections for your own. 

Myself I dont understand where everyone see's that the woman was put on this earth to please men. I dont believe that a woman should be the only person to take care of a home. I think the responsibilities should be equal. I think Grant should spend a week in kelly's shoes and then see if he has the same attitude. 

And for all those weman who agree with Grant I feel real sorry for you. 

 I watched today's show and I have to ask, What is their sex life like? He is so worried about keeping her busy during the day, there most likely is no special treats for him at the end of the day.  

I probably wouldn't have posted on this topic but way back in the posts someone made the comment that all engineers are the same, and as a FEMALE engineer, I beg to differ. But on to my point... 

My husband and I both work full time right now and we don't have any children. We've been married about 2 1/2 years. Housework has always been a bit of an issue for us because neither of us care to do it much but we really enjoy having a clean house. Right now we pay to have a maid come a few times a year to do all of the heavy cleaning. All the the other cleaning and chores we work hard to do together, but because he tends to work more hours I would say I do a little more. I don't mind this arrangement at all. 

We talked about what we would like to do when we decide to have children. We both agree that we would like to have one of us stay at home, likely me. I believe that when I stay at home, managing the home will by "my job." Of course, it won't be perfect, but I believe it will be my job to take care of things around the house. It's a job I actually look forward to having. However, I think there is a big difference between a job that you go to everyday and bring a paycheck home for, and a job at home. For instance, no matter what kind of day or week my husband will be having, his paycheck will likely still come. It will be the same, and I can be there for him to help him work through tough times at work. If he is slacking off on a particular week, I will likely never know about it. However, the "paycheck" for being a stay at home mom won't come if you don't keep up with things. I really fear an employer/employee relationship with my spouse at that point. Having an employeer be critical of your work at an outside job is one thing, but having your husband unhappy with your performance at home is another. Luckily we have discussed it so I think we will be prepared to deal with this kind of a situation. I think that just because a wive/mother's job is to take care of the household, I don't think its fair for a husband to treat her like an employee. 

My two cents... 

Dr. Phil:  Here is a suggestion for Grant and Kelly:   I would suggest that Grant spend one week at home being the "wife".  I would send Kelly away on a vacation and make him see what his expectations of her are really like.  He would need to complete his list of 75 items and take care of the children.   Upon Kelly's return have him tell her about his experience.  Maybe this would let him "see" how unreasonable his expectations of her are.   

I would also then have him select one item on his list and see if Kelly would be willing to concentrate on improving on it.   

Just a suggestion.   

Linda  

'FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT KELLY THE FIRST THING I WOULD DO IS THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE SEX, WHEN YOUR DONE GIVE HIM HIS GRADE.  ALSO LET HIM KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE FAILED AT AS FAR AS NOT MEETING PERFECT SEXUAL EXPECTATIONS.  AND YOU MUST GET A BACK BONE BECAUSE YOU ARE ALLOWING HIM TO LOWER  YOUR SELF ESTEEM.  YOUR HOUSE IS A FINE HOUSE DECORATED AND ORGANIZATION FOR SOMEONE WHO IS RAISING CHILDREN AND STOMACHING A HUSBAND LIKE THAT.  IN HIS PERFECT WORLD HE WANTS A MAID AND A PROSTITUTE.  WE HAVE NOT SEEN HIM SPEND TIME WITH THE CHILDREN SO IS THE PERFECT HUSBAND AND FATHER NOT HAVE TO SHOW CARE, CONCERN, LOVE OR ANY EMOTION OTHER THAN RESENTMENT AND SELFISHNESS.  I HOPE YOUR CHILDREN DO NOT GROW UP THINK THIS IS OKAY.  AND GRANT GUESS WHAT YOUR WIFE WEARS HER WEDDING RING TO SYMBOLIZE THE LOVE SHE HAS FOR YOU IN SPITE OF YOUR FAULTS.  AS A HUSBAND YOUR GRADE IS A D.  THE ONLY REASON WHY ITS NOT AND F IS BECAUSE YOU DO FINANCIALLY PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY..  WAKE UP GRANT WITHOUT WOMEN YOU WOULD NOT BE HERE NOR WOULD YOUR CHILDREN.  CHERISH HER BECAUSE ONE DAY SHE WILL SMELL THE COFFEE AND YOU WILL STILL PROVIDE FINANCIALLY FOR HER BECAUSE THE COURT WILL MAKE YOU BUT SHE AND THE CHILDREN YOU DISREGARD SO MUCH WON''T BE THERE FOR YOU TO GRADE WHEN YOU GET HOME. 

I have learned in my relationship when the pressure is gone, the love explodes.  The guy in my life was absolutely the cats meow until i realized he was human.  We had a rough time for awhile, but things did not turn around for us until I accepted him for the imperfect mess he was.  Here is a trick to be a hero- when Kelly (or whoever your "Kelly" is)messes up next time- and I mean really messes up to the point you can walk out the door, dont.  Chris Rock says love is not love unless you practiced your aliby in front of the mirror for 45 minutes.  For once, let her have a freebie, meaning accept the mess you married and love her even though she didnt meet your expectations.  Then, when she messes up again, let her have another freebie, as many as you can possibly stand to give her without hanging onto new resentments.  Try about one a day and continue to stay off her back.  This isnt the white knuckle thing, really give her that freebie (I love you enough to let you leave a towel on the floor or find that year old bottle behind the couch and not say anything), dont just shut up about it.  Pretty soon, you will be able to give her two a day, then four a day, and before you know it, you will see her improve because she wants to, not because the pressure is on to fix herself.   

And dont forget the little things that draw you to her- like the smell of her hair, that certain way she does something that makes you melt and she doesnt know it... you know, because you know her best.  And be careful, you keep this up, and there may not be a Kelly to complain about anymore- youll be complaining about the court order that takes all your money in child support:P.  You got a good thing man, dont blow it.