Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

In all sincerity I am asking about your husband's hobbies. 

Dr. Phil said to back off, lighten up. I am finding other things to 

put my energy into. I have been bitten by the RC bug. It is a 

little more expensive than playing cards or watching TV, so 

I suggest it to other guys out there with some hesitation. 

These next thoughts aren't tied to your response, so please  

don't feel like they are directed at you. 

I have talked to a lot of the seasoned married men, the sort  

that developed selective hearing loss over the years. How do 

they handle marital strife. Several guys in my area rebuild engines, 

cars, etc... Some of the guys that have it worse take up fishing. 

The boats are kept packed and fueled; always ready to go 

when the storm clouds start brewing.  

I see a lot of women posting that men just need to learn to  

love their wives more. Have any of you ever really tried to communicate 

with an emotional extreme version of yourself. Image what your husband 

must think the next time you go off at him in one of your moods. Did any of 

you see the show on Monday? I read post after post about teamwork, roles, 

husbands serving wives to make them feel appreciated, blah blah blah! 

But what happens when your husband says he'd like you to do something? 

All of a sudden the oppressed wife banners and fliers come out of no where. 

Protests and riots begin out of no where, and the only thing for your husband 

to do is - look at rebuilding that 460 in his Ford truck. 

I think this show will hopefully show people, especially women, how male engineers are genetically too anal to be anything but a provider....not necessarily a good husband. 

Dear Grant, 

      Why not spent the day in your home with just  your children and the house. See if you can handle all the house work along with being a perfectionest with the children as well. Couple all this with LOTS of LOVE, patience, being at peace with your self and just enjoying your life !!!!!  You CAN do this Grant. Your smart and I know you are a good person. But familys ALWAYS comes first !!!!  Yourself, your wife, and your children. Just love it ALL. Yep Yep that's what life is all about !!!!!!!!!!!!!           Linda M  

Dr. Phil 

I too am I housewife and cargiver for my family and I enjoy that. My husband is very supportive in anything I want to do. I know that we are living in 2006 and that the roles of women have certainly changed over the years but I still think that it is the womens role to take care of the home, her husband and her children. My husband is so thankful for all that I do for my family. knowing that he is so appreciative of what I do makes it so worthwhile. I also run a daycare center out of my home to help bring in some extra income. I stongly feel that it is the husbands role to make sure that the family is well taken care of financially. Look back to the traditonal ways of living many years ago, divorce was unheard of. My husband often tries to help with things that need to be done at home, although I feel awful when he helps because he works so hard to do what he does for our family.  

how can anything get done with two working parents? it's impossible.  

All of our friends disagree with how I feel about the roles of men and women and often remind me it's 2006. I also help with the income but still feel it's not the husbands job to do housework.  

They also tell me that I am setting myself up to be taken advantage of. My husband got divorced 7 years ago, his ex wife was a lazy housewife, employed full-time, the house was a disaster and their children were always in daycare and now they hate each other. I want my husband to be taken care of, just as he takes care of me. I will do whatever it takes to keep my husband happy!  

It seems to me Grant did not marry Kelly, he hired a wife. 

Ideally, marriage is a vow and commitment between two individuals - imperfect, but real, loving, affectionate, strong, and all the other adjectives that apply.  Grant feels victimized because Kelly could be a better wife - she could improve her performance.  I agree with most of the comments that I have read on this issue, Kelly is emotionally battered, and is losing sight of why she married Grant in the first place.  I wonder why Grant married Kelly.  I'm sad for Grant and Kelly and their children.  This cannot be a warm and loving home.  If Grant is so disappointed with Kelly and marriage that he is refusing to wear his wedding ring, Kelly is turning herself inside-out trying to please his impossible standards for acceptable wifely tasks, then the children are also suffering.  Kelly is right, she will never measure up.  She may spend the rest of her life zigging when Grant says zig, then tolerating his criticism because she didn't zig "just right."   Grant's diatribe on the "broken windows" theory of civic responsibility tells us a lot about how little he has changed.  He puts all responsibility for maintaining the home on Kelly, but has his priorities screwed up. 

Grant isn't the boss or the employer or the supervisor of the marriage.  Kelly is his life partner, a 100% equal and true partner in every aspect of their (hopefully) long life together.  As others have pointed out, Kelly deserves to be loved, honored, and valued for who she is as she comes.  She doesn't need to "earn" love, honor, and value by performing her "job" perfectly.  Kelly also deserves the opportunity to be free of a hypercritical "partner" that sees himself as supervisor to her.  Believe me, there are other men who would feel honored to just have a chance to win the heart of a woman as loving, patient, and beautiful as Kelly. 

Grant still believes that he was unfairly criticized on the show and by the audience.  He has a long way to go before he "gets it."  He may never get it, and he will lose his family if he doesn't. 

Dr. Phil,   This is the 21st Century!!!      If Grant is so "perfect" why doesn't he HELP around the house.   I think he needs to read  "outloud"   his (their) marriage vows.   

I wish I had seen the 1st episode so I can figure out where he came up with the "wife rules". 

Grant should be thankful he has a wife who puts up with his faults, and who is still with him  thru good & bad times.  

I want Grant to run the household for 1 week without Kelly's help so he can understand how hard keeping a house is! 

As I said in the beginning, this is the 21st Century where a pleasant life = TEAMWORK  between all members of the household.   Thanks for all you do to help  make sense of our lives. 

After viewing today's program with Grant and his wife, Kelly, I feel compelled to write.  Grant has it all and doesn't appreciate that fact or is too dense to realize it.  Stepford wife???  Come on!  Being an Electrical Engineer doesn't necessarily mean he is intelligent at all when it applies to anything outside of work.  Engineers are a "different breed" to begin with.  Most are anal retentive, however, some (the minority) but not all are of this ilk.  I've been married for almost 38 years to an Aeronautical/Astronautical Engineer and we've raised two daughters who are adults.  Engineers generally are extremely analytical and tend to be controlling of those people and situations around them.  They are thinkers not feelers.  It takes a strong partner in life to stand their ground and to come to compromise and understanding.  Lucky for me, my husband and I have weathered some unpleasant situations and are still happy together.  Grant's wife may be communicating to him, but he hasn't learned the art of "listening." 

As a young wife and mother, I found myself alone a lot while my husband traveled.   I worked part-time and did everything on Grant's list, but it nearly killed me and wasn't worth it as I look back.  By being soooo busy, I unknowingly was teaching my girls to be overachievers and now they too spend too many long stressful hours in their professions.  One daughter is married and has a full-time+ accounting job and has a 22 month old who spends his days in daycare.  She belongs to the Junior League and the Alzeheimer's Assn.  Both are wonderful associations to belong to, however, it takes her from her husband and son on a regular basis in addition to her 50 hour work week.  

Does Grant help at all around the house or with his children when he returns home from work?  How about a housekeeper to free his wife from cleaning all the time.  Perhaps if he helped with the dishes and got his children ready for bed, his wife wouldn't be too tired to watch a movie with him.  He has been sitting on his rear all day (Okay, he was using his brain.) and Kelly has been on the move every minute all day long doing it all. 

Bottom line:  Life is too short and time flies.  All of us need to appreciate our loved ones and accept them for who they are before it's too late. 

I don't really care about the color of the curtains. 

I have been very up front with people are said that the house was Kelly's area to do  her thing.  

Don't expect me to smile every time she asks me what I think about them. I would have picked a different color. I like different colors than she does. It isn't about control, or being a demanding husband. I like John Deer Green - always have. I recently painted my boat that color. If I asked Kelly what she thought of the color I would expect her opinion. It doesn't have to be an indicator of a failing marriage that a warm blooded, American male would choose non-pink curtains.  

Please!