Dr. Phil, I am a military spouse, but I have also been an international Plus Size model for over 10 yrs, so I have had a bit of colorful life experience. While watching this show, I couldn't believe how unreal Grant was. I never would have thought that men like that even existed, and I've met alot of men traveling the world. I now reside in Italy, home of the "old fashioned, men love their mothers above all else" mentality, however, Grant shocked my system. When 2 people meet, it's not their potentials for being a good husband or wife that makes someone fall in love with them, it's them as individuals, personality, sense of humor, compassion or lack there of, that' s what attracts people. When you decide to get married, it becomes a partnership, not a corporation, with one person as president and then employees underneath them. Wives and children are not employees. If Grant lives to believe that his wife should concur to a list of 'job descriptions', why was this not presented before the couple signed a lifelong contract? Before you accept any job position, there is posted a list of responsibilities that you are expected to fulfill while in that position, and as the position changes, so do the list of responsibilities. Well, Kelly used to have the one job of looking after herself, then she got married, so now the unlisted job description of a wife, in Grant's eyes, came into play, however, she was never notified of this list and so guessed her way through the first couple of years, learning the hard way. Then children, okay, now the job description has changed again. She now carries the weight of 3, executive positions in one 'company', her marriage. In a typical work day, lets stretch it to 10 hours, there comes a time when all employees get to go home and relax, however, under Grant's savvy business mind, his poor wife has become a slave instead of an employee, and even worse, she is no where near being a partner.
I was in a previous marriage where I had unreal expectations of my mate, and on my mates part, he was living a double life, he is now still leading that double life with his new wife, but I have hopefully moved on and worked through those expectations. I came from a very old fashioned family, my Dad worked outside the home, both literally and figuratively, and my mom for several years was a stay at home mom, then she went back to work once we were in school. My parents had an agreement, they outlined their joint responsibilities in the marriage and home, and it worked for them ( for awhile, they are divorced), I am also a stay at home mom/self-employed working woman, when I'm at home, I take on the respective responsibilities, when I'm at work, my husband becomes both Mom and Dad, doing laundry, cooking etc. I would suggest for Grant and his wife, to do a role reversal, see if he can live up to his own expectations. I would also be interested in learning where he picked up the list of 75 items required by his wife. Do any of them include her own identity, or just his? Their lists should read:
1) Must put my spouses needs before my own
2) Must try to share the household responsibilities 50/50
3) My spouse should have at least 1hr a day to do whatever they want for themselves
4) My children should wake up with a smile on their faces everyday knowing they are in a secure and loving environment
5) We share the responsibility of cooking and cleaning 50/50 or as much as our schedules allow
6) My spouse should never have to feel like they 'MUST' do anything for me, they should do it because they 'WANT' to, never because they have to.
7)God is the only person who has a right to pass judgment on me, and even then he allows for a few faults and forgives
8)"Lead by example and others will follow", "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you", "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours".......etc.
9)"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink"
and finally
10) As you can see, I've run out of stupid rules and requirements by number 8, so rule number 10 is, burn, tear, spit on, flush all lists and rules of marriage, because each marriage is going to be different and that's because it's two individuals who create a marriage and together they will decide what is acceptable, if your intentions are otherwise, you should let the other person know upfront, otherwise, that's false advertising and you should be sued!!!!
Dr. Phil revisits the topic of what makes a good wife. Grant and Kelly first appeared on the show because Grant expected his wife to live up to his demanding standards. He wanted a cleaner house, better meals and a sexier spouse. After seven years, his constant criticism and disappointment had her ready to throw in the towel on trying to become the "perfect wife." Dr. Phil’s first talk with Grant and Kelly caused quite a stir as thousands of viewers wrote in choosing sides. How are Grant and Kelly now? Has Grant abandoned his critical ways and his expectation of having a Stepford wife? And why is he no longer wearing his wedding ring? Talk about the show here.
