Quote From: josuduo I only caught a few minutes of the first show, and don't even know if I'll be able to watch tomorrow, but just had to post a few lines about this.
I don't know if this is Kelly's case, but in my own experience I have come to realize that a spouse who demands things be a certain way will never, EVER be satisfied, no matter what a wife/husband does to appease them. For years with my own husband, it really didn't matter if the house was spotless, our three children completely bathed, clothed and fed, the lawn taken care of, his lunch and clothes laid out ready for his job- he would find SOMETHING that wasn't right. His socks wouldn't fit right. There would be one single vegetable in an entire stir-fry that tasted too "acidic" (no joke). My mother would call at some point during the day, and he didn't want me to be talking on the phone, no matter how many phone calls he himself made. Not to mention the little disappointed sighs that were a constant reminder of what a disappointment you are as a wife, mother and just general human being. It reaches the point where you actually dread seeing their vehicle pull into the driveway at the end of the day. That is a sad existence.
What I'm trying to say is that I suspect this isn't just about keeping a clean home. It is about control on the husband's part. It almost makes them feel empowered because they are so much BETTER than you.
What these husbands fail to understand is the more they harp and moan and slam we wives, the less we accomplish, in short, because we feel like crap.
Even with what I am going to say, I really admire chdsgrl. It seems she has her life going in a positive direction, has everything under control, really has it 'all together'. But I wonder if her husband has ever made sure to find something wrong with her routine. Commented that the chicken nuggets tasted funny, then the next night the pork, the next night the spaghetti.... . I wonder if he has ever complained that his socks weren't folded correctly, his t-shirts weren't laying in a certain position. That the dishes, though all washed- by hand, no dishwasher- even while taking care of three little ones, were left to air-dry, and weren't completely wiped and put away after each meal (during the washing of which he would be in another area of the house hollering every few minutes "Aren't you done YET?"), etc, etc. Just little things that slowly chip away at one's self-confidence. I wonder if she has ever caught him late at night watching a porno, when he didn't have time to be with her in days (a whole different story!), and hadn't taken her out for a "date" in almost two and half years. Discouragement doesn't make routines very easy. What I'm trying to say is that it seems as if chdsgrl comes from a home where she is made to feel special and appreciated and validated in every way, and that, in turn, gives her the strength to organize and plan and joyfully run a well-managed home.
When a woman is never encouraged, never made to feel as if she is good enough, and is constantly informed of her failings, she will slowly but surely fade away into just a shell of a person.
I don't know if any of this makes sense. Aww, man. I just hope everything works out okay for Kelly and her little ones. They deserve to be happy. And I pray that her husband will learn to appreciate even having a woman who cares for him and desires to share her life with him. Just a little love, understanding and encouragement can open a whole new world for them.
Oh you are so right on with this! I didn't even see the show, so there's alot I don't know, but I would like to say this:
Grant, I am more like you than like Kelley. I am a divorced mom of 3. I work full time AND manage to run the kids AND my house is always tidy and neat if not as clean as I would like it. I get really frustrated when I see stay at home moms whose homes are a mess. (my brothers wife, for one) I believe that if one spouse is out earning the cash, and one is at home with the children, the one at home has the responsibility of managing the home. This way, the evenings are Family time with some peace.
HOWEVER, Grant, this also means that once you've done your time at your job, and you come home at the end of the day, Kelleys work day is ALSO done. Of course, that's not possible, but that's why You need to pitch in. Bathe the kids while Kelley does the dishes. Read them a story and tuck them in while Kelley takes a bath. (really, how attractive do you think she feels after tending to little ones all day?)
I'll tell ya, a little bit from you would go a loooong way. Imagine if you came home and smiled at your wife and gave her a peck on the cheek instead of checking to see if the dishwasher is loaded properly!!
Dr. Phil revisits the topic of what makes a good wife. Grant and Kelly first appeared on the show because Grant expected his wife to live up to his demanding standards. He wanted a cleaner house, better meals and a sexier spouse. After seven years, his constant criticism and disappointment had her ready to throw in the towel on trying to become the "perfect wife." Dr. Phil’s first talk with Grant and Kelly caused quite a stir as thousands of viewers wrote in choosing sides. How are Grant and Kelly now? Has Grant abandoned his critical ways and his expectation of having a Stepford wife? And why is he no longer wearing his wedding ring? Talk about the show here.
