Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

I think Grants expectations are simply too much.  Being a stay at home mom, I do take on the majority of the household chores, and I believe it is my responsibility, my husband leaves the house each day and works hard, he shouldn't have to come home and clean or cook, most of the time...however, just because I am able to be home, doesn't mean that I don't get tired or exhausted either...I have two kids in school full-time, one in K4 half days, and do some babysitting in my home for extra money..some days are super easy, every things is tidy and in order and some days are very stressful and if we have a homemade meal, we're doing good!!   I guess it all comes down to balance, respect, and basically compromise.  Even people that go outside the home and work each day, you have good days and bad days.   If Grants wife is doing the basics of taking care of the home to the best of her ability,  and spending the rest of her time trying to raise healthy, happy children he ought to get his priorities straight and really figure out what is most important, after all a home is just that, a home, place to keep you warm and dry and rest your head at night....what goes on inside that home, and the kind of  parent and wife you are is really what is most important.   

I am reading a book for one of my graduage English classes called The Mommy Myth. This book discusses the role that the media has played in the creation of our image of a mother. The images that we see portrayed around us about what a wife/mother is are unrealistic.  

Realistically, mothers/women cannot be all things to all people. I am a mother, a wife, a student, an employee...and if I play all of these roles there are things that just simply do not get done. As I sit in my living room, right now, I see laundry that needs to be done and some that needs to be put away. I see toys the kids haven't picked up and that frankly if it means I have to do it they will just sit there. I see my husband's shoes and the trash that he didn't take out. I see the dishes from dinner last night because frankly, I was too tired to load the dishwasher. It used to bother me...because I grew up with a mom who cooked the meals and did the laundry and helped us with our homework...but I had to learn that I cannot do it all...all by myself. If I want to help the kids with homework, bring home a paycheck, take grad classes, then some things get pushed to the side....like laundry, cooking, dusting, etc.  

In my dream world, I would get all of the chores done, cook all the meals, and still have the energy to sit in the floor with my kids and play. I would succeed in business and my marriage would be the envy of everyone. BUT....that is only a dream. Instead, I look around at chores to be done and hope no one stops by for a visit.  

JW 

 My husband and I have been married for seven years, and though we have had our ups and downs, we have both made sacrifices and "given in" to each other.  There are things he does that drive me nuts and things I do that nearly drive him insane.  I am saying this because as I have been told by wiser ones that myself, marriage is a give and take bond.  You must be willing to take criticism, if you are going to give it.  You must be willing to make sacrifices if you are going to expect your spouse to do make sacrifices.   

It seems to me that Grant feels resentment for his wife and won't wear his ring because to some extent, he feels in superior to his wife.  Perhaps he sees her faults and "imperfections, " and doesn't recognize that his own faults and "imperfections" are what he is really resenting.  He possibly sees how happy she is with herself and believes he isn't living up to her expectations.   

I feel sorry for Kelly, because I know how badly it hurts to think that you are not living up to your husband's expectations.  Kelly has to be satisfied with her choices and be proud of herself for being such a strong woman.  Grant has a lot of growing to do.  The first step, I believe, to making his marriage happier, more peaceful, and fulfilling is to put his ring back on! 

Many years ago, I struggled with not accepting how everything was in my life.  About 15 or more years ago I ran across a quote that gradually changed my life (quote to follow).  I kept a copy in my daytimer and read it....at first several times a day, until I started living it.  I hope this helps you as well.  Oh, BTW, I still carry it with me. 

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.  It will make or break a company…a church…a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.   We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.  I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.   And so it is with you…we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

and thank you so much.  It's nice to see there are people who really understand what a marriage is really suppose to be.  And can't you just imagine having "the perfect house, the perfect children, and the perfect marriage" being the MOST boring thing?  I think the most important is that regardless of the roles &/or the division of chorse you're working as a couple or a team or as partners.  And yes you're right "united we stand, divided we fall"  and unless Grant gets on the same page & starts at least TRYING to give what his wife needs they will fall.