Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

...hurt", rather than "would" hurt. And I totally agree.

 It is about control and nothing else. My husband was wonderful prior to him becoming my husband. We were both educated, well suited individuals, or so I thought. After the ring, came the children, and after the 2nd born, the demand, no command that I would no longer work outside the home. The independent woman he fell in love with was now his puppet. If I wiggled the strings one way or the other to his dislike, it was just too bad for me and "life is not fair." I was abused both mentally and physically for over 20 years and staying out of the workforce made it that much more difficult to leave with two sons, and he knew it. There was never a lack of money, as he was a professional engineer, quite brilliant in fact, but the alcohol abuse led to more abuse and more addictions, i.e. porn addiction, and relationships outside the marriage. He left his career as an engineer and became a teacher where he became interested in a couple of his students, but one in particular. When she graduated, he quit. Then he took a job as a college recruiter, which lasted a few months and I finally got a job (not in my field) but had to help out (it was ok w/him at this point for me to work as he wanted his to buy Jim Beam and beer) ... anyway, he said he got fired but there is no way to know for sure as he was and still is a habitual liar. He started selling cars for a "living" but has been at 3 different dealerships in 18 mos. He says "I" am the one who is bi-polar. I say I wish I had the courage to leave when the boys were little.  It was always about CONTROL for him and still is. The night I left he picked up my son's guitar stand to hit me with it and my 16 yr old got in between us to stop him from hurting his mom again.  To make a long story short, I don't know whether it was courage, or fear for my son, but I finally took control and my son and I went to a motel. The next day we got an aptartment and everything was ok until my husband closed our joint account and told me he would give me money but I would have to "ask" him everytime I needed some. Well, he got his control back and he's happy. Now he spends his days not selling cars but on the internet website "Adultfriendfinder" ... he is a pathetic individual, and I feel more pathetic for not taking back some control of my life years ago. I blame myself for not doing it, so all I can say about this show is: do NOT stay with anyone who is abuseive in any way, shape or form and watch for the signs so you can act early. Do not be afraid now to do what you must do to get out of the marriage or you will regret it. Believe me, this is all true and it can happen to you. I live in a state where I have to prove that he abused me the night I left, and since my son didn't let him, there is no abuse. Can you believe this?  BEWARE and TAKE CARE of YOURSELF so you do not end up like me at the age of 50, unemployed, and afraid of what will happen next!

"In a way, I am suggesting that if something worked then it should be used today. Technology doesn't fall into this category; I'm an engineer. " 

 

Oh, and nice of him to exempt himself. 

  

It often didn't work then.  A lot of women worked outside the home (even though this isn't the gilded ideal we think of today) because their families needed the money, a lot of women were trapped because they had married young, had no education and would lose everything if they left their husbands, some women drank.  My grandmothers were homemakers on paper but really spent a whole lot of time helping with family businesses on top of raising kids, cleaning, and cooking. 

  

Where do people get this my job/her job garbage?  Housework and childcare is not an 8-to-5 job; it goes on forever.  You don't get to leave the office and go home at the end of the day--you're still on call, all night.  Just because you don't have to be a genius to grocery-shop doesn't mean it isn't emotionally stressful (traffic, lines, waiting, hauling around 3 small kids while you do it, etc.) and physically exhausting, and then you come home and somebody's riding you for not doing it right.  I believe in holding up your end and I don't mind doing chores but the man that says that to me gets kicked in the shins. 

I agree with you 100%.  Marriage is a team effort; each person should give to the experience and help the other person when they are in need.

I HAVE FOUND THAT SEASONS CHANGE AND YOU HAVE TO ADDRESS EACH SEASON IN A DIFFERENT WAY.  SO THE SAME APPLIES IN MARRAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS.  WHEN YOU MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN THIS IS A DIFFERENT SEASON AND FOR A WHILE YOU HAVE TO ADJUST TO THE WEATHER AROUND RAISING CHILDREN THIS CHANGES HOW YOU EVEN RELATE TO YOUR SPOUSE, TAKING INTO CONSIDERATION THE CHILDREN.  THE CHILDREN GROW IN AGE AND MATURE AND THEN YOU HAVE MORE TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND LIFE CHANGES IN THING YOU CAN DO AND ACCOMPLISH.

You know Kelly is a beautiful woman who looks like the life has been knocked out of her. Grant is a vindictive man who uses what he can to hurt his wife's feelings. He seems to be self centered he came on the Dr. Phil show to get Kelly fixed and when it got turned on him he was shocked. He thinks he is perfect does nothing wrong and still sees nothing wrong with his actions accept for the fact that others saw his actions as wrong. I wonder if his father or mother was this way? I also wonder if they are still married. You can't criticize someone every minute you are with them and then expect that they want to be intimate with you or even want to try.

I have to ask: is your house a total pigsty, or just has the "lived-in" look? If it is the latter, you really should lighten up a bit. It is much more important that Kelly spends quality time with the children than keeping an atiseptic house. Your children will remember that Mom spent time reading to them or playing games, not if the house was immaculate. 

  

Isn't the purpose of Kelly staying home to be a stay at home mom? Grant, which is more important to you, having a happy family and home or having a museum-like house? 

  

I truly would understand your criticism if the house was filthy, unsanitary, or unsafe for your children. However, I think you are being a little unrealistic in your expectations. Have you cared for the children for the same amount of time that Kelly does for more than one day? Humans are unpredictable, especially children. Yes, it is good to have routines and schedules, but they also have to be flexible to allow for that important variable, the human factor. 

  

Grant, you are very lucky to be married to such a beautiful woman who loves you and is striving to raise healthy and happy children. 

After watching this guy on two shows, it appears to me that he thinks he is above his wife. He has the wrong perception of marriage. The list of 75 things to do at home? Ok, what is the list of things he has to do at work? 10? Maybe. It takes two people to run a home, not a chief and an indian. He is rediculious and if he has not changed since the last show, he is not going to. He needs to love his wife for WHO SHE IS, not what she does, just like Dr Phil says. Not many women today would put up with what his wife puts up with. I would also take off my wedding ring until he puts his back on. She is a wonderful attractive woman, and he SHOULD be thankful to have her.

I have been married 16 years and have 3 kids and I can tell you life is to short to worry about how clean the house is or some stupid list my spouse makes for me(which he has never done). I choose to be a stay at home mom and run a daycare and my spouse never complains about the house or when dinner is on the table I run the house and either he accepts it or he can do it himself, but he also gives me the room to mess up or have a bad day. We work as a team yes there are areas I would like changed but that is not up to me I can only control me and that is something Grant needs to realize. Also realize that Kelly is a blessing not a slave to his wants/needs. They have kids and he needs to ask himself do I really want my kids to act and treat people like this? Kelly needs to ask herself if she wants her daughter to marry someone like this and be treated the same way? In the long run life is short enjoy every moment you have after all you never know what tommorrow will bring!!