Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

Has anyone noticed how much Kelly looks like Julianne Moore?

You two are married, that is a written agreement, you have to work things out.  As for not wearing your wedding ring, shame on you.  You don't know what LOVE is.  Learn what it is.  I think you have issues that have nothing to do with your wife.  Maybe obsessive compulsive disorder, who knows!!!  But...you are a control freak!  To do all you ask is IMPOSSIBLE!  Women are not superwomen.  They are the weaker vessel, physically and emotionally.  A husband is suppose to be someone the wife can fall on and trust when she needs help.   

Your marriage will not last if that kind of expectations continue.  You will make your wife feel so bad about herself that she will think she is never going to live up to your expectations and she will give up.  She can't take this forever you know.  Maybe...because you don't wear your ring, you want that.  I think it means you want to look for other women.  Try filling those expectations yourself.  Take her place at home for a couple of weeks and see if you can do all that, AND take care of the kids.  A person with an emaculate house in every spot either has a maid, or does not have a TRUE relationship with her kids.  Maybe you should hire a  maid!!!!!!!!!! 

I also agree with you about having Christ in your life. When you do, it is the most wonderful sense of peace you will ever experience and all the meanness goes away. God bless you for your posting and reminding us all to keep Christ in our life!

The show struck a nerve and brought back some memories.  Now. let's see...  my ex used to check the top of the stove after I cleaned it to make sure I hadn't left any spots, that is, until the day I cut out large dots with white paper and stuck them on the stove.  He didn't find it amusing.  I thought it was hilarious.  Ironing his shirts was my job, even though we both worked full-time.  I didn't cook as well as his mother, didn't clean as well as his mother, and in general, wasn't the woman his mother was.  I used to tell him that was a good thing.  He criticized my cooking, often in front of others.  When I asked him to stop doing this, he would then wait until we had a moment alone to tell me what was wrong with it.  Oh yes, I didn't clean as well as he did, although he rarely did it.   I was attractive with make-up, but without make-up just average.  Oh, and wasn't there anything I could do about my protruding stomach - umm... I weighed 114 pounds at the time.   There were lots more criticisms.  In the end, I decided that my self-worth was more important than giving him the opportunity to have me as a target for his warped sense of perfection and values.  I didn't think that my parents had held me in their arms when I was born and said, "Oh, maybe one day, she will marry a controlling jerk who will make her life miserable.  Wouldn't that be wonderful?"  This was confirmed when I told my mother I was thinking about leaving him and her response was an enthusiastic "Hallelujah, you've seen the light!"  I have never looked back.   

  

Grant, you will find yourself alone unless you learn to value and appreciate other people.  Maybe you should start by learning to value and appreciate yourself first as only those people who are insecure find it necessary to control other people in order to make themselves feel better and give themselves a sense of importance. 

Hey, Grant, have you considered that maybe the "Broken Windows" don't literally mean parts of the house, but the people within it? Your wife is a neglected, broken window. Your children will be affected by her brokenness much more then they will be affected by clutter or messy cabinets. I understand engineers work with "real" things and that it's sometimes difficult to think abstractly, but I really think you need to consider the abstract meaning of the "Broken Windows Theory" instead of just the obvious reality based literal meaning. Your homes windows aren't broken. Your cabinets aren't broken. Your dishwasher isn't broken. Your wife is becoming the broken window, Grant, and she can't mend with you criticizing her the way you do. So either help her to mend constructively or get the heck out so that she can work on herself and find someone who will help her to mend.

Maria

 It completely didn't surprise me to hear that Grant was an engineer. He's the PERFECT example of a STEREOTYPICAL engineer.  One thing I've learned from dating several engineers in the past is that  in general you have to accept that they believe their job is ALWAYS more important than anything YOU have to do, you also have accept the fact that they value efficency and logic over anything else, including your feelings.

My husband and I have been happily married for almost 12 years. I've been a full-time mom for the last 7 of them and will return full-time to the work force (paid work force that is) in the fall. Our philospphy that has always worked is this; his job is to provide most of the income and support the family financially, my job is to take care of all of our children's needs during those same hours (and I work part-time from home). Finally, OUR mutual job during the time we are together is to manage both the home and the family life. It's not always 50/50 and that's okay. We could both look for plenty of things to criticize but we each knew we were marrying an imperfect person. With time and effort, I think this couple can turn things around.

I don't believe Grant will change his ways, his expectations will never be satisfied. As I watched the show this morning, I couldn't help but wonder if Grant has another woman on the side. He isn't committed to Kelly. He doesn't respect her or care for her. He is a bitter man who competes selfishly with himself. I can't imagine Kelly will ever be happy. Kelly's behavior and responses to Dr. Phil's questions are one of an abused woman. Grant's behavior will never change. As Dr. Phil has said, "You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. "

 I would have to say I go through a lot like Kelly.  My husband expects this house to be clean everyday and he would like dinner on the table everyday as well. Besides the fact that I work about 20 hours a week at night outside of the home and I try to take one night a week for me and  play Pool.   He feels like me not cleaning is the reflection of how I feel about him and that I do not respect him or care about him because I do not clean to his likeing.  I have told him my cleaning is because of me and that my feelings for him  has nothing to do with how I clean.  I explain to him that I respect him in so many way I respect him as a father as a husband and a as a friend.  I feel that being there for him and our two girls (6years and 2years) and not going and cheating on him is very respectful. Besides (the fact) what would that solve.  I feel like the emotional feed back I need I do not get as well.  I ask for help and he tells me he will not help untel things are caught up because he feels that helping me cetch up is not his job. If I would have done my job in the first place I would not need help to catch up. He works all day to bring home the money and it is my job to clean this house.  And him going to work everyday and coming home to not a perfectly clean house he says to me that I am taking advantage of him. I have been married 11 years and things just seem to be getting worse.  I was ready to leave a couple weeks ago because I really do not know how to handle this anymore.  I am starting to question everything about our marriage and If he really loves me and if he ever did.  My husband as well does not wear his wedding ring which I feel is very disrespectful to me and it reflects how he feels about me. 

 Kelly and Grant are in total denial.  Grant does not love her, he never has.  Grant just has this idea that this is his wife and this is how things are supposed to work.  But he shows no affection or concern for his wife. The words he says that kind of indicate he might care for her are said out of fear of divorce.  He doesn't want a divorce because of some kind of family, religious, reputation, or social obligation.  Kelly deserves someone who is head over heels for her.  For heavens sake she is a red head and a beautiful one.  Do you know how many men would get down on there knees for a woman like her?  There is something there that she cannot bring herself to accept that her husband is just not that into her.  It is very sad.  It makes me really angry, because I am in the same situation.  My husband is much kinder and not as critical, but I use much stronger language and do things to make him realize how good he has it.  And I am like a terrible wife and mother.  Grant would give me an F on all of the 75 things on his list.  I am not even dressed this morning.  It is almost 11 AM.  I am just disgusted.  If Grant can't bring himself to be a man and set her free and support those children now after two episodes on national television-she needs to escape from that nightmare herself.  I don't ever think that divorce is a good thing.  But this is a highly abusive situation, Kelly just does not know how to express the emotional hell he is putting her through.  Lisa in North Carolina