Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

Please tell me this was all just for laughs..........This poor woman is living a life of Hell each and every day.  Who does this guy think he is??  Ok, so he's an Engineer and likes things done a certain way.  Mister, you'd better leave that crap at the office or you're gonna end up a lonely man.  What woman in her right mind would let a man dictate to her like this?  I'd take those kids, hit him up for MASSIVE child support (since he's so d--- smart and has a BIG job), and leave his a-- sitting there in his perfect house, in his perfectly ironed clothes, driving his perfectly cleaned car, and find myself a man that enjoys me AND life!!! 

  

This guy needs a hobby besides controlling his wife.........My prayers are with you, honey.  You're gonna need 'em if you stay with him.  

  

Oh, just for the record......My mother and father raised 4 children to be happy, healthy, independent adults and our house wasn't the cleanest on the block!!  We did just fine, thank you!!  

seems  to me that he is NOT happy being Married.!

 I am just totally shocked at Grant's attitude. He apparently has to be very smart to be successful in his line of work but he doesn't come across as being smart at all. Who does he think he is? He should be very proud and respectful of Kelly just for putting up with his criticism for 7 years. I have been married for 3 years and we have been together for 15 years. I think Kelly has lost her sense of self worth because Grant has criticized her for everything she does. Grant, what difference does it make if the furniture is in the exact place or if the dishwasher is loaded "correctly" (according to you)? As long as you have clean dished to eat off of and you have a loving, faithful wife to come home to. The outcome is the same whether Kelly does things the way you do them or not. Life is short. Be happy that you have a wife that loves you and wants the best for both for you. Let Kelly be Kelly and not be someone YOU want her to be. If she wasn't who you wanted when you married her then maybe you should not have married her. You should not try to change who she is.   

I feel that a marriage is a partnership and partners share responsibilities. If both parties are working out of the home then all child rearing and household duties should be shared. If mom is a stay at home mom then husband should realize that that is also a "job" and in the evenings the duties should still be shared. I had a serious accident a few years ago leaving me completley bed riddin for about a month leaving my husband to all my "duties". He had to take off work and after it was all said and done, his reply to his friends was "I've seen her job and I don't want it!!!" Maybe Grant should take a vacation and "walk in her shoes" for a while to gain a new perspective.

I agree 100%. I think Grant could learn a lot from this posting.

Marriage is compromise.  Husband and wife should support each other....be each others cheerleader...work toward a common goal......accept each other for themselves - warts and all.  Grant is very controlling!!  I would take the kids and go away for a month and let him do all the things he expects his wife to do.....let's see how he fares.

I am on my third marriage, and I still haven't figured it out.  The first was so short, the 2nd lasted 14 yrs. but I was a battered wife with an alcohalic husband, who was in and out of hospitals .  This one was good for about 6 yrs.. as I did the housework, the yard work, the laundry, the cooking, the shopping , the bills paying, even the concrete work on the foundation of the home.  Each time, my meals for all three husbands had to be learned to suit them.  I thought I was doing a wonderful job, and even had other men tell me how lucky my husband was to have me.  Till one day, when my husband got hurt at work and I had to go in and get some paperwork at his job, when about 6 women approached me and asked me if it was true that all I did all day was sit on my butt and play on the computer, and he had to come home and clean, do yard work, etc...  I almost hit the roof..  That did it... Since then my meddling mother-in-law has convinced him to take me off the checkbook, charge cards, etc.. and told me that a persons taste changes every 7 yrs. and I should learn to adjust to his changes..  Excuse me..... And that I should learn to praise him continuously on a daily basis.  Well, we're on yr. 13, 15 with the dating first, and it's a day to day thing.  We sleep in separate rooms, never talk, don't do anything together.  He splits his days up with 3-4 being with mommy.  So what's a good wife?  You tell me.  Kelly, you need to find peace and happiness within yourself, as I have done , not just for yourself, but for the kids.  Otherwise, life will really be a struggle.   Suggestion to Grant:  take your vacation, a week, two weeks, and you stay home and take care of everything while Kelly goes on a nice vacation to relax.  Bet you can't do it....  I just went on my first vacation, and although kids are raised and gone, I still came home to a dirty microwave, stove, dusting didn't get done, bathroom not cleaned, etc..  So, try it,  bet that lists gets shorter.

Well, Grant I have read your posts and I have a few comments for you. 

I am a housewife (reclaiming the slur).  I have 4 children from ages 12 to 2 years old.  I cook, I clean, I raise the children, I volunteer.  But I have a dear husband who appreciates what I do, and even though he works he still happily helps out at home.  See, he doesn't view taking care of his children as babysitting, he is helping to raise his children.  I do the majority of the cleaning (as is only fair, as I am the one at home) but my husband doesn't criticize me.  My goodness, Grant, you ride Kelly about how the dishes are stacked?  Just be glad that they are clean and you didn't have to it!! 

You describe your views very well, and certainly have a managerial tone.  But your wife is not your employee.  I don't think you understand that.  As far as looking to the 1950s as the pinnacle of society, well from what my mother says back in the '50s the wife was queen of her domain.  She was in charge of the home and everything that went on in it.  She cleaned, but the husband had no input on how she cleaned.  It was enough that the job got done.  I'm sorry Grant, but you really can't have it both ways.  Kelly can either have 100 % of the responsibility of house and home, or you can be the arbitar of the household by having to do the work.   

I don't know you Grant, but I have the impression that you are stuck in a middle management job that is slowly circling the drain.  So how do you make yourself feel important, powerful?  By treating your wife the way you could never treat your coworkers and bosses.   

  

My husband is in  management, he is capable, happy and his career is going strong.  And he  treats me as his equal, partner, and best friend.  Kelly --- do you see the difference? 

  

I am living the 1950's ideal and lovin' it, baby! : ) 

One day she will realize that she will never be happy with this man.......but too bad it is taking her this long.