Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

who does he think he is. If he loved this woman, the mother of his child. He would understand who she is. He just knows critiscism and control. Throw the wedding band out right in front of him.  

She does not know she is being controlled. She is very ignorant to the fact she should not be manipulated 

I can so relate to Kelly and how Grant treats her.  He isn't perfect, why does he think she should be?  Maybe Grant should go to "Husband School"!   Because it seems like he wants a housekeeper, not a wife.  He obviously still doesn't get "it", which is that marriage is about love and respect as well as acceptance!  Grant shows no respect for Kelly and what her role in his life should be since she has had children.   If I seem hostile it is because, like Kelly, I love a man who shows me little respect.  And my self-esteem has suffered for it.  But I am still willing to put up with it because there are times I see the man I pledged to love forever!  And that happens often enough to keep trying!  But one thing we do agree upon is that as long as I have made an honest effort, if he doesn't like how well something is cleaned or organized, he does it his way by himself.  He's doesn't criticize me, he just does it, and in return I do not take offense to him 'redoing' what I just did!  The philosophy is, in other words, if you don't like how I did it, shut up and do it yourself!! 

Well, I've always said that the reason they'll never legalize gay marriage is that millions of working mothers would wake up one day and realize that they did not need a husband -they need a wife!  (LOL) 

We live in an era where the definition of being a "wife" is unclear and society sends incredibly mixed messages.  I think today there is more emphasis on moms "doing it all" AND doing it all better than everyone else.  (I have friends who complain that mothers seem hellbent on outdoing each other in the most superficial ways - the most elaborate, handmade valentines with homemade cookies or the best soccor game snacks or whatever).  I work outside the home (as does my husband), yet still feel somehow inadequate when I don't have dinner on the table when my husband gets home because that is what a "good wife" would do.   

The reality is that the family unit needs to prioritize - if a clean house is important, hire a maid to come in one day a week; if gourmet meals are important, find someone who will prepare meals in advance and freeze them.   If outside help isn't an option, there need to be choices made - if Grant had the choice of a clean house or well-raised children, which would he choose?  A clean house or a gourmet meal?  Organized closets or decorated house?   

Or Grant could realize that, although his wife stays at home, he could always participate - if a clean house is important to him, he could clean house on the weekend - or cooking and freezing meals on the weekend.  (When I was growing up, my working mom would put the whole family to work cleaning house for two hours on Saturday morning - including my dad - and with everyone's help, it got done.)   lts about priorities and what you are prepared to do to achieve those things that are important to you.  And if all these things are critically important to Grant, he should take responsibility for achieving those things.   

My final note is that everything you want is available - for a price.  If you want an immaculately clean house, you can pay money to get that.  If you want gourmet meals, again, you can pay money to get that.  You want your wife to be sexy when you get home, hire a sitter and send her to the spa for the day.  Perhaps the solution would be for Grant to make enough (more) money to pay for all the things he wants - from outside sources.  And incidentally, in some ways Grant should be careful what he wishes for - gourmet meals, sexy outfits and elaborate decor do not come cheap.  I suspect that if Grant got some of those things, he'd be on one of the shows complaining that his wife was spending too much money! 

Grant needs to learn what a simple "Thank You" can do!  Instead of only seeing the things that are not done right, say "THANK YOU KELLY" for whatever WAS done - even if it's not perfect!!!  A bit of appreciation and acknowlegement for Kelly's effort would be an amazing gift to her.  A helping hand would not hurt either. 

I am a stay at home mom of 4, including twin boys.  In the early years I was lucky if I managed to get a shower and dressed in something other than my PJ's, let alone prepare a "suitable" meal.  Kelly is right in keeping the kids her number one priority.  What good is the perfect house if the kids are neglected, or get kidnapped or injured while they are riding their bike naked down the street while she was busy cleaning the bathroom?  Has Grant ever spent a day home taking care of the kids?  Does he have ANY CLUE what a challenge it is to keep three kids safe, fed, clean, dressed and happy? 

Has Grant  ever thought to help Kelly organize the pantry, or, God forbid, done it himself?  My guess is that he feels this would be "beneath him."  How sad for both of them. 

I hope Grant figures out before it's too late that marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.  He's blessed that Kelly has even stayed with him this long.   

I think the role of a wife is to be happy with themselves.  If a wife is not happy then, like Dr. Phil says, if MaMa ain't happy nobody is happy. 

The wife is there to support their husbands and their children and in return their support is expected.  I remember when I started college, I was 28 and the baby was starting school.  I was afraid and my husband really didn't want me to enroll, but I did it for me.  When I finally graduated and was able to bring a better income into the house, my husband finally realized I did the right thing.  I have been happier since I attended college and so I think everyone was rewarded because my attitude was better. 

The couple on the show today seems to be lost as newly weds after 7 years but the mature level that they are approaching this situation and accepting it as a problem you might think they were married longer.  Neither the wife or the husband seemed to be a terrible person...so I say keep up the good work and eventually they will find a happy relationship and balance they both can live with.  Just dont give up.

As for marriage Im not so expierenced... 1year this past weekend.  Not only has it been only one year but that first  7months we didn't live together because of the situation we had with the military.  Now most people know that the military expects more of people than normal.  This should not reflect on your spouse.  If you are making the money or most of it for the household does not give you the right to set certain expectations for your spouse.  If the kids are running around naked when you get home but the house is dirty.  Let your spouse dress the kids and you start cleaning or cooking whatever needs to get done.  Just because you left your job for the day doesn't mean your work is done.   

Whether you have kids or not a family is an extremely close knit team and requires team work to get the job done.  This shouldnt seem like a suprise when the Marine Corps...the number one fighting force in the world (not by opinion but by record and reputation) uses team work 24/7 every single day of the year.   

Im not sure if I am completely right but I guess my opinion is that if you love each other then you should love to work together whether it be cleaning, cooking, or under the sheets...lol.  Have a Great Day.