Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

Dr. Phil 

As I have now entered in to my second marriage the union and spirit I find now is unbelieveable. 

We have a beautiful 2 year old who is the apple of our eyes.I have 2 other children from my marriage 14 years to a man who I thought was inspiring and flirtaious in our marriage. 

Instead I found out he was a control freak who expected the "leave it to beaver wife".... 

After abiding and living the life to save my marriage and not hurt the children I obeyed. 

  

Kelly for your sanity and witts to stay alive and not take as I did The "verbal abuse" do what you feel will get your marriage  to one.... Speak with upper chin and listen with whole heart but remember the people who remember it the most that will be your children.. Take it from someone who missed out on the coloring, bike riding and hopscotch for the vacumn and mop..only to find out he was sleeping with someone else..You said your kids are your focus keep it that way the house chores will only be there tomorrow your children may not...... 

 My 2 year old has the most fun and most inspiring minutes in our lives...and His big brother and sister are also right there with us... 

 Hope the control freak can figure out what "IT" is. Obviously no one taught him!!!!!!!!!! 

  

A seond time around 

Both spouses should be the other's best friend.  I see very little friendship in this marriage but I'm not convinced that they cannot become friends.  Friendship is the most valuable "glue" that a marriage can have.

One of the best sayings that I've ever heard is that "you should always have a plan B, because life is lived in plan B".  Grant may have his plans for his wife, but he's living in plan B.  He needs to come to terms with who she is and accept it.  Life will give him something important to worry about eventually, no matter how hard he tries to control the variables, and it's better if they're solid as a couple when these things happen.  Dr Phil is right - his need for control reflects his need for inner control.   

  

I'm a very organized person, who has been married to a very unorganized person for 27 years.  While the changing pile of clothes on her side of the bed sometimes gets on my nerves, I now realize that it's not worth the stress to fight about it.  She's not going to change, it's on her side, and no one sees our room anyway, so who cares?  Now if she piled it on my side of the room...  :) 

  

I'm not sure I'd want to be married to a stepford wife - maybe that's why we're happy! 

  I am a stay at home mom. This is the life that I chose and I agree that the house is my job...but my husband appreciates me being here with our kids and everything I do. He validates my "job" every day and I think that's what is missing in a lot of marriages. Appreciation of each other and what the other person, not you, the other person is contributing to the family. I think that there should be a show on great families. Tips to show struggling families some of the secrets that we have...

I guess I just don't understand.  I have this same problem to some extent.......Like Kelly I have a husband who makes me feel that I just don't do enough or enough to please him.  Our biggest fights are over household issues like the laundry and the daily chores.  Please someone tell me where the line is.  I can understand a husband expecting certain things from his wife if her primary role is to stay at home and take care of the house and children.  I can understand the expectation that things will be done just like any other job.  In my situation I am a full time Police Officer with three small children.  I work a lot as does my husband.  It seems that he expects me to  take care of everything at home like i am a stay at home mom.  It is hard for me to know what my actual role should be and if he should expect these things of me or should he understand that I am a working mother and the duties of the house should be fifty fifty.  I feel like I am failing all the time, whether it is my children because I have so much to do at home that I don't have time to spend with them or my husband because the house is not immaculate.  Our house is always clean, just gets a little cluttered from the kids.  Someone give me some ideas on what I should do??????:)  my marriage seems to be at stake here!!!

Grant, buddy, work with us!!  Seriously, dude, you've got to get "it."  Life isn't all about YOU, your marriage isn't all about  "YOU".  Let me tell you, even if your house was sparkly clean and your cupboards lined with the perfect organizers labeled to a "T", I still think you'd find something to be critical about.  You've got to change your style, dude.  Your wife is beautiful and smart and waaaaaay tooo calm.  Bless her heart forever!  You need to appreciate what you have.  She seems like a terrific mother, and you're lucky that she cares enough about you and your crappy list of 75+ items to work on.  Don't do it, Kelly.  I say you have a "Burn Fest" with that list--it'd be great if Dr. Phil would let you burn it on the show.  (consider it, Dr. Phil) 

I watch Dr. Phil daily and haven't EVER written in on a message board before, but I could hardly stand to watch and not be able to express how I feel about this.  Kelly, you need some support, girl.  You ARE doing it all, and don't let him tell you differently.    

I just cant beleive that any woman would put up with this man. In watching the show, i felt the problems were not with his wife but with himself and i was surprised that Dr Phil didnt suggest the husband go into counselling to get to the root of why he is the way he is. Until the husband fixes himself he will continue to make not only his wife but his kids unhappy and what kind of exampe is he setting with this kids having them witness this kind of treatment of thier mother.

I have a problem being told what to do unless it is someone I work for.  if someone tells me that they don't like the way that I did something for them then they can do it themself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am nobodys slave and God did not put me here for someone to tell me what to do.

I am willing to bet Grants problem is Aspergers Syndrom.  It is a very high functioning form of Autism.  People with Aspergers tend to lack empathy for otehrs and generaly have a strick code of conduct that they expect from others...I recognized the signs a few mintues into the show.  I am somewhat of an authority as I work for a non-profit org. that deals with persons with Autism.  I got involved because my son is sevearly autistic and my brother has Aspergers...that could have been my brother sitting up there or at least his emotional/intellectual twin.  Hey Dr. Phil...check it out, I would bet big money I am right!

This man is unbelievable He needs to get real. I'll bet if this beautiful woman had a health problem such as breast cancer he would leave her. I have always helped my wife in the house and cooking and raising the kids. I grew up with a mom that said if you don't like what I do and how I do it .Then do it yourself. I have done that all my life I try not to complain. If I want something special cooked and it had to be just right I learned to cook it myself. I am proud of my culinary skills and have taken over the cooking and cleaning. I just want a wife that loves me for me . I can feed myself, clean my own and wash my own laundry. My mother taught all of us to cook clean and take care of ourselves she said that way we did not have to depend on others to make us happy. I'll bet this fellow was waited on by his mother and he expects things to be like mom did it. If he continues on this path she will leave him on his own and she should. If my wife demanded things like that I would say good bye cause she couldn't love me for me but what I can do for her.