Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

   How obnoxious and disrespectful can you get? How long has Kelly been accepting ths role of doormat? I hope not for the whole seven years of what you call a marriage. I have two possible reactions Kelly could make to this particular situation. One- take her ring off until you show her the respect she deserves,or Two- Kelly could pawn either ring and go out and buy a nice set of olive drab curtains to match the military type of environment she is forced to live in.

You are SO right!!  I thank God everyday for sending me someone like He did.  Often times, I say to my fiance' ,  "Thanks for being you"....he looks at me and wonders what in the world I'm talking about.  Then I proceed to tell him the things I love about him.  Seeing shows like this makes me appreciate my circumstances even more.  

  

A person sets the stage for what they will accept in a relationship.   This guy obviously has NO respect for her as a person.  With no respect, she can forget the whole thing.  It is almost impossible to earn someone's respect after they have been allowed to treat you like a dog and get away with it for so long.   

I agree with you 100% on this.  Marriage is a compromise and I don't think Grant gets that at all.  He needs to walk in her shoes for a little while and see how it feels. 

Marriage is not about housework... Grant and Kelly are both losing the real purpose behind life and marriage.  The kids were not even mentioned!  Both parents should be overjoyed if they have two children who are healthy and happy - that should be the parents main priority - then, on the same level, should be their own happiness...everything else - fluff...it just is not that important.

If they wanted a nice house and a beautiful lawn then they should not have gotten married - they should have gotten a maid and a gardener.

It's sad, but many folks only learn from actually experiencing what someone else has, before they can empathize.  I say, give Grant a month in his wife's shoes. And during that month, have her criticize everything he does. It would save thousands in therapy!!!  Ok, ok, that's not "right" to do - I take it back, I think...hehe. Maybe she shouldn't criticize him. BUT! He should do the work for a month.  

Also, he has obsessed for so long about HER, that as Dr. Phil says, it takes the focus off of what is really eating him. That's where a therapist needs to come in. Grant needs to do serious work. All of us can learn from him...haven't we all been there? So angry or upset at someone that we obsess over it? I loved Dr. Phil's statement that doing this just masks what is really going on, and that we can only control ourselves, enjoy our day, enjoy being with ourselves!!!  The joy in life comes from the little moments all day.   Oh, and Grant, you can start obsessing about yourself now! 

  

More long winded opinions: 

  

As far as the roles of men and women in the 00's? I could scream at Wife Swap showing women who are pampered by their husbands all day, who do no work, and who are uber-b*tches. What about the other 99.9% of us? Most women are working their tails off! Think of every family you know where the husband and wife work full time. In every case that I know of, the woman is still expected to be in charge of the house, kids and cooking. The husband "helps" her.   Today, women need to step up and make it clear that chores need to be shared, and men need to realize how unfair it is that just because you have a vagina, you are expected to work the hardest! 

  

Whew, I'm done now!  :) 

 Grant is very delusional if he thinks anyone can be perfect . He is nuts . And him not wearing his wedding ring make me think he is cheating on his wife I think she needs to dump him!!!!!!!!!!!

Grant:  learn how to Love and Cherish your wife. She deserves that. Who cares what color the curtains are in the kitchen? Let her have the house like she wants it. If it makes her happy. Is it really going to matter 10 years from now that you had to "live" with pink curtains in the kitchen for a season? It is my belief that women want to know that they are loved and cherished by their husbands above all else. She should be your priority. NOT whether or not the pantry is in order., or whether or not she cooked a meal from a box.   Stop criticizing her and use your words to build her up instead. Be appreciative of what she does accomplish around the house instead of critical for what she doesn't do.  Stop lording over your wife and bullying her. You seemingly walk around the house with a constant scowl on your face, with your eyebrows furled. How much fun are you to live with?   Dr phil,   Why don't you send Kelly out for a day spa treatment and Let Grant do all the work that he expects Kelly to do + take care of the children. and then film it for him to watch over and over again. (you know.... that list of 70-75 items) Maybe then he will learn to appreciate his wife.   Kelly,   It is clear to me at least how much you value your relationship with your husband. Most women today would not tolerate that type of behavior from thier husbands.  It is clear to me how much you do try to please him. Yet it seemingly has become a habit of Grants to reject everything you do. One of the best gifts you can give your kids is a mom and dad who truly love and respect each other. May  the Good Lord Bless you for  the amount of respect and love  you clearly have for your husband.

Just like a person who needs help with alcohol, drugs, etc.,Grant needs help because he cannot "see" his true self.  It's not going to sink in until he learns that something is wrong with his thinking.  

His wife is being abused constantly and he seems to really want to get out of the marriage.  He will never find someone who will make him happy becuase he will never be happy until he gets help. Even if he is alone, he will not be happy.  If it's not his wife making him miserable, it will just be the next person who steps in front of him.  

Dear Dr. Phil, Grant & Kelly: 

I think you are very brave to come to the show and talk about your personal lives on TV.  I have been married 44 years this August and I have to say everything Dr. Phil told you is correct.  You must be happy with who you are and if your not then it will never work.  It is only through your own happiness that your husband/wife will then be happy.  I know this from my own personal experierences.  We were deliriously happy when we got married in 1961 and are still the same today.  Aged, imperfect but the same.  Seasoned with years and children and all that goes with it.  And as Dr. Phil explained you can't control what happens to you but you can control how you respond to it.  When we were newlyweds only 2 years I woke up and could not move.  I was in so much pain and after many trials and errors found out I had a gentic disorder. 

Long story short after 20 spinal surgeries and 5 children I saw how truly lucky I was and wise to have chosen my husband to marry.  He is and was all through the years the most attentive, care, loving man God put on this earth.  I must add one thing to all Dr. Phil told you and that is you must have faith as well.  Without this nothing will ever be right.  I don't care what faith you are or what choice of religion you follow, just make sure you follow something other than yourselves. If you don't nothing will help.  It is only with a strong faith that we succeed the most in this life; & It is with this love and faith that my husband and I counted on for all these years and it is this same abiding deep love and faith that we carry us to the end.  Sincerely & respectfully submitted: I put my expression as hopeful since we are all hopeful from one day to the next at least I hope we are: 

nicely put... I like that, short and simply