Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

The show, More Wifestyles, really got me thinking. I recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine in which we discussed what we both want out of life. He said that he wants more than anything, to be married and have a wife and children. He also said that if his wife wants to stay home or work, he would be fine with both. I think that two people have to discuss their expectations of one another before they get married. Marriage is a huge commitment, and peole have to make sure they have relatively the same outlook on life before they commit to spending the rest of their lives together. I guess what I am saying is that if Grant expected his wife to be perfect at being a mother, cleaning house, cooking, and cleaning, he should have told her that a long time ago. Then, she would have been able to decide if she wanted to feel that pressure throughout their marriage. I think that Grant definitely needs to realize that no one is perfect, and if he keeps expecting his wife to be, then he is going to continue to be angry and bitter for years to come. That is no way to live.

I just watched the show about Grant & Kelly, and I must say that I am sickened by both of their attitudes!  

  

Kelly's role as a mother should be far more important than the position of the cleaning tools in the pantry.  While I agree with the desire to have a clean and orderly home, there are more imporatant things to consider.  What their children will remember - mommy reading books & playing with them or how clean the toilet is? 

  

I think that Kelly should hire a cleaning service & take her kids to the park!  Let Grant cook dinner for a change! 

  

I wouldn't put up with Grant for 7 days let alone 7  years! 

  

  

Hello Grant, 

  

I can see the wheels turning in your head.  You are just now starting to get "it".  I can see that you are sllllooooowwwwllllyyy realizing that these are "your" issues.  For example, you can start to feel that not wearing the wedding ring in a response to the pink curtains is "your" control and FEAR issues. 

  

Here is part of "it" that you will succeed in learning.  Your wife, your children, your job, your friends are NOT responsible for your inner peace, happiness, and joy.  Grant, YOU are responsible for these things. 

  

When you see wrong in others, you see wrong in yourself.  If you see no error, you will percieve no error, and experience no error, and be peaceful, happy, and fulfilled.  Grant, See No Error.  STOP trying to correct the behavior of others to attain peace.  You will wear yourself out, be stressed, etc.  STOP giving your power away to others in letting your environment and the behaviors of others interfere with your sense of peace and love.  This is HARD WORK. 

  

Grant change your perception of your environment, stop trying to change your environment. 

  

This is NEW to you, offensive, scary, UNCOMFORTABLE, DIFFERENT, ALIEN to you.  I get that! 

  

Please, PRACTICE not taking offense.  Please PRACTICE finding ONLY the positive (you will certaintly feel anxious for a few months, but be consistent, and the anxiety will go away.).  Practice learning what your "feelings" are and journal them out.  Part of your confusion is that you have feelings such as discomfort, resentment, and frustration, but you truely cannot understand why.  Start asking YOURSELF why?  Then journal.  These are your emotional and intellectual problems. 

  

This is not about the role of a wife.  This is about you not feeling peaceful, happy, and fulfilled.  Change your mind, your thinking, not other people and your environment.  Be wholly responsible for your happiness without taking out your resentment on others.  You can heal this, it's scary, but you can and shall totally succeed. 

  

Finally Grant, learn to "ALLOW".  Allow others to just be.  Do not interfere.  This will surely help to free you from your painful and confusing urge to change others and your environment.  Do not interfere, change, or comment.  Simply learn what it means to allow and then do just that allow others.  By giving this allowance to others, at the exact same time, you are giving it to yourself. 

  

Find the positive, allow, and you be in charge and wholly responsible for your happiness and peace.  Instead of extending to your wife your anxieties and frustrations, extend to her YOUR LOVE.  You are bigger than your fear, you are greater than your resentment.  To LEARN this, you must PRACTICE this.  Be loving, and see no more error.  Allow. 

  

Surely, you will try Everything Other than being loving, allowing, and take the ultimate responsibility for your own mind and your own happiness and peace..... and then come back to what I wrote to you here and know that there is a better way, and that you must be greater than your fears (because YOU ARE). 

  

I know that you will succeed.  I wish you and your family great happiness, abundance, peace, joy, and love! 

  

Tara 

My husband and I have been married 37 years.  The first 20 were pretty rough.  Why? Because we both set high expectations on each other, just like Dr. Phil said.  We finally learned and have a beautiful relationship.  The trick?  We both focus more on how to meet each others needs than on our own.  It only works if you are both willing to do it.  This way we both get our needs met and we feel loved, respected and appreciated.  The husband must learn to let go of all his expectations and just accept what she is willing to give and do his best to spoil her rotten.  The wife must also do all she can to spoil him.  My husband and I have these unspoken contests on how we can spoil each other more than we have been spoiled.  It is wonderful and will do wonders for any marriage. 

  

Expectations disappoint and distroy all relationships.  Sue Tucker 

  

It is my sincere hope that if Grant can say all the things that he has said PUBLICLY....then he can CERTAINLY find it within himself to publicly ask Kelly to forgive him.  Publicly.  Jesus even said the same thing....you must confess me PUBLICLY before mankind.  He didn't do anything in secret.   

  

It is no secret to the whole planet that Grant thinks Kelly needs "wife lessons".  He is the biggest emotional Neaderthal I've ever seen in my entire life and believe me, I've seen some men with the proverbial hair all over their bodies, the big ridgeline over the eyes and making all the caveman noises and sounding like a jungle full of mayhem.  Grant.... after today's show.....I really have to wonder about you.  You just may never "get IT." 

  

What are you so "angry" about?  That you've been exposed for the *** you are?  You have married UP bigtime, mister.  Face it and be grateful every single day for henceforth.  THAT will do your critical spirit WONDERS........gratitude, dude.  An apology  to Kelly and GRATITUDE!!! 

I think every wife wants to find that perfect balance between taking care of the kids, including spending quality time with them, and keeping a clean orderly home and cooking great meals for her family.  If it is perfection that Grant wants I think Kelly answered to that request very well.  She said that she tries to find that balance, as we all do, and sticks with the balance that  feels right to her.  I think that's about as perfect as it gets.  I had a quote once posted on my fridge that read: 

"In 100 years it won't matter how much was in your bank account or how clean your house was, what will matter is that you made the difference in the life of a child." 

If he's only judging based on the cleanliness and orderly fashion in which the home is kept, he has missed the biggest picture of all - a happy wife and happy well-rounded children.  I commend him however.  I feel that he really wants to understand and change his thinking.     

Just watched the show and was compelled to write. My wife and I of 13 years now. We have had our share of troubles and problems. But, one thing has never changed is our commitment to each other. We made a decision 13 years ago, and that decision is for life. There are no problems to big that cannot be worked through. Going back to the subject at hand. I used to expect most of the same things as Grant. Over the years I learned that most of that stuff doesn't matter. My wife has 3 kids to take care of. Its a hard balance to take care of home and children. So when I come home I do everything I can to help out. From cooking dinner, washing dishes, putting kids to bed. and so on. I know that it is something the kids will be thankful for and my wife will be more appreciative of me. So, my thoughts to Grant are to help your wife out with the things that need done around the house, don't beat her down about it. Appreciate the things she does do and realise there is not enough time in a day to take care of everything.

First of all, who does this guy think that he is? I think he needs to spend a few weeks in his wife's shoes.  It is HARD WORK being a good mother. It is HARD WORK cleaning a house. Excuse this woman for not feeling like a sexpot when her ungrateful frog of a husband comes home. I had a similar situation (Not nearly to this extreme) and I corrected it quickly by going on strike. Men get a nice wake-up call in appreciation when they have to go a week without dinner and the laundry fairy quits restocking their closet. And to this AMY woman that agrees with this schmuck, get a clue.......

Just wanted to say that this is amazing.  We live on $9/ hour.  I stay at home with my two boys and take care of the house and the family. If I am tired from taking care of the kids, my husband will come home and help out.  If dinner isn't made, he will help make dinner or order something.   If the house isn't clean, he will help clean it.  My husband has a lot of problems stemming from diabetes and an accident, but he will come home and love on me and the boys.  My husband is a picky person, who likes his house clean, but he understands that being a domestic goddess isn't easy.  We don't live an extreme life, as we live on a very limited budget.  I am just amazed that some men treat their wives like slaves and don't respect that they are doing the hardest job on earth.  If  Grant and Kelly were to switch positions, I would say that Grant could do her job well for maybe the first month or so, but when he tries to clean and the kids run outside, what would he do?  Would he continue to do his chores or run after the kids?  Would grant be able to take care of the children, or would he tie them down so he could clean the house without the children messing it up?  Why is Grant not helping out when he comes home so his wife can take a well deserved bubble bath?  To me, it seems like Grant's life is all materialistic.  Better to look good than to actually be good.  Who cares what people think of them, as long as his wife and kids are happy.  What are the kids thinking?  Would love to know the answer to this one.

Wake up people the year is 2006.  I have never watched this show before.  Just happen to be flipping channels today and came accross it.  After seeing the last half hour I had to respond.  

First a little about me.  I am a 36 year old male, married 10 year, 2 kids, currently off work on dissability.  I think this couple and everyone else that still beieve in mens roles, and womens roles are stuck in the 50s.  In todays world, most of the time two incomes are required, as well as the support of two cooperative people around the house.   Since I am off work I have taken on the role of "housewife", but even when I was still working, I did alot of the cooking, cleaning, and household chores traditionally thought of as "womens work"  My wife and I aproach our life together as a team.  If something needs to be done we do it, with no regaurd as to whether it is "gender role appropriate". 

For all you women out there that are trying to be the perfect housewife, wake up. 

For all you guys out there that think she should be the perfect housewife, get a life. 

  

Why don't you work together to be a happy couple? 

Trying to force gender roles in this day and age is as rediculous as segregration for race.