Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

I watched todays show about Grand and Amy. Oh Boy! I watched it before when they first came on and I thought Grant was a self centered ego maniac. Just another man wanting full control. Todays update shows the same thing but it also shows Amy being completely dense. 

Why on earth would any woman stay with a man who makes her feel ashamed of everything she does? She is not his slave. Amy could do so much better. She could find a man who would  treat her with love and respect. Grant does not seem like he loves his wife and he is embarrased to be seen with her? I watched him and he gives off that feeling that he has a girlfriend somewhere- maybe that gal in the audience that was agreeing with him. Or maybe he is playing the field-that would be why he won't wear his wedding ring. I do have to admit that Grant is wanting to change somehow ,otherwise he would not be on the Dr. Phil show, but how much is he wanting to change? I understand that if the man goes to work all day and the wife stays home that the children and home should be taken care of. Marriage is a respected two way street, each should help out but not bossed around, not to be treated like slaves. 

That gal in the addience who was agreeing with Grant made me feel my anger rising with every word she spoke. Did she have any children? I think that woman had to have been brain washed. I cannot believe that a woman would agree with that way of life. The gentleman in the audience, who that woman was up agianst, showed compassion and wanted to punch Grant in the nose. I agreed with him whole heartedly.  

  

 " A common and traditionally masculine marital problem is created by the husband who, once he is married, devotes all his energies to 'climbing mountains' and none to attending to his marriage or base camp, expecting it to be there in perfect order whenever he chooses to return to it for rest and recreation without his assuming any responsibility for its maintenance. Sooner or later, this "capitalist" approach to the problem fails and he returns to find his untended base camp a shambles, his neglected wife...in some way having renounced her job as caretaker. An equally common and traditionally feminine marital problem is created by the wife who, once married, feels that the goal of her life has been achieved. To her, the base camp is peak. She cannot understand or empathize with her husband's need for achievements and experiences beyond the marriage and reacts to them with jealousy and never ending demands that he devote increasingly more energy to the home. Like other "communist" resolutions of the problem, this one creates a relationship that is suffocating and stultifying, from which the husband, feeling trapped and limited, may likely flee in a moment of "mid-life crisis".
There is only one ideal solution: Marriage as a truly cooperative institution, requiring great mutual contributions and care, time and energy, but existing for the primary purpose of nurturing each of the participants for individual journeys towards his or her own individual peaks of spiritual growth."
-"The Road Less Traveled" pg 167-168 By M. Scott Peck, M.D.

GRANT GET PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP>>>>>>>NOW __ YOU ARE MENTAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What you are talking about is not a wife. You want a prostitute and a chef.

I posted it at Grant and Amy and as we know it was/is Grant and Kelley 

Sorry 

I have never been register on this site before but after seeing the show with Grant and poor Kelly I was so infuriated that I just had to vent somewhere.  I can't decide if Grant is a raving lunatic or an unfaithful husband.  It was not clear to me as to whether he has been this way the whole seven years of their marriage or if this started later on in the marriage.  If Grant is really this obsessed with having the perfect wife, Kelly is never going to be able to do enough to please him.  She needs to get out of the marriage as soon as possible without investing anymore time.  The thing that makes me believe that he may be unfaithful is the fact that he doesn't wear his wedding ring.  I find it hard to believe that he really "lost" his wedding ring the first time since he refuses to wear the second one she bought for him.  The wedding ring is a symbol of love not a symbol of "I have a perfect wife".  I know women whose husbands have been unfaithful.  One thing that happens usually is that they become dissatisfied with their wives in general meaning that nothing they do is good enough.  That paired with the fact that Grant will not wear his wedding ring makes me believe that he may be unfaithful.  My husband and I have been married for seventeen years.  We both work outside the home and we have a sixteen year old son.  I'm sure the house is not always to his liking and he does not always do the yard work the way I like but we have learned to live with that and help each other instead of criticize.  We love each other very much and have the greatest of respect for each other.  Grant seemed to have not respect for Kelly's feelings at all.  I think it would be a good idea if Kelly went on vacation for two weeks while Grant takes care of the house and children.  It would be interesting to see before and after footage of the house, laundry room, bathroom etc....

Dear Grant, 

  

I am a little worried about you. You seem to have very little emotions. Think about this....what is your defination of fun?  Or your defination of funny?  What makes you smile and laugh? What makes you happy? 

  

OK, I also have to comment that I work from home and pretty much consider myself a stay at home mom. My house is not perfect. My dishes don't get stacked right. The laundry gets done when I get a minute. But my kids are happy and healthy. It's about priorities. You can't give your wife the goal of perfection to strive for because you yourself are not perfect.  Take a week off and send your wife to a spa. Stay home with your kids and see how realistic your expectations really are. I think your expectations mi9ght shift dramatically if you saw what your wife had to do every day in your abscence. 

  

I am really not trying to pick on you too much because my dad is an engineer and I understand the mindset.  It just seems that you were never taught how to deal with emotions so you try to quantify everything. It can't, and shouldn't, be done.  I really hope you are able to work through your issues and become truly happy. Tust Dr. Phil.. It is not your wife that is making you unhappy. It is yourself. 

  

Steph 

I have seen this over and over where husband and wives really are not happy. Watching this show was gut wrenching. Your advice was great. I'm not sure he gets it. She is striving and there is no appreciation for her. She has no self confidence. She is trapped.She does not feel love from him therefore she is not able to show it. The prime ex is the wedding ring. I am really surprised you did not offer them counseling . He definately needs more then that hour show. Correction 2 hours. She should not have to suffer any longer. And she is you can see it and feel it.

I saw a different side to Grant today that I I guess I just did not see before.  The first time he was on I thought he was some self-centered, egotistical, control maniac.  My thoughts were NOT complimentary.  However this time instead of wanting to stand up and shout "HANG HIM!" I paid more attention to what he was saying and his body language.  He loves his wife, I have no doubts.  Yes, I still feel that most of his expectations are unreasonable.  But watch how he angles his body towards his wife not away.  Watch how he becomes fidgetty or almost blushes when he becomes uncomfortable with a question.  I don't think that he WANTS to be like this, he just doesn't know how to be any other way.  We all have things to learn through out life.  The day we stop learning is the day we die.  

 We all have our own opinions regaurding the "duties of a wife".  As a stay at home mom of 3 children, I find that even my own expectations are more than I can meet.  I could never NEVER do half of the things that Grant expects his wife to do and I am lucky enough to have a husband who is not only not critical of what I do or how I do it, but he will do it right along side me.   

My hope is that Grant and his wife come to a common understanding of what CAN be expected to be achieved from both partiesand that they both continue their hard work at bettering their relationship with one another so that their children can benifit from their hard work as well.  ( Don't think that their kids won't grow up just like mommy and daddy ;)  ) 

Here's a beautiful woman who obviously loves her husband and her children and he can't even wear a wedding ring -- my first thought it honey, you deserve better than this self-centered, anal retentive, controlling, narrow minded, perfect man.  Then after calming down . . . 

  

To the woman I would say this, you are worthwhile, you are doing a great job and you focus on accepting yourself -- even in the brunt of the white knuckle tolerance -- know who you are and be proud of it -- not who you aren't. 

  

To Grant, I wonder if you were brought up by robots.  How in the world can you wife thrive when you can't even give her one small, circular symbol of your love.  Have you ever heard of unconditional love, have you ever experienced it?  As Dr. Phil said in a round about way -- learn to love yourself, give yourself some grace, and then you will probably be able to give to to your beautiful wife.  Who, I hate to say, you don't deserve.  You aren't raising robots, you are raising living, breathing children with emotions.  They will need your love too as they grow -- will you not claim them as yours, change your last name if they don't live up to your standards?