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Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

Number of Replies: 2998

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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:07:28 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil revisits the topic of what makes a good wife. Grant and Kelly first appeared on the show because Grant expected his wife to live up to his demanding standards. He wanted a cleaner house, better meals and a sexier spouse. After seven years, his constant criticism and disappointment had her ready to throw in the towel on trying to become the "perfect wife." Dr. Phil’s first talk with Grant and Kelly caused quite a stir as thousands of viewers wrote in choosing sides. How are Grant and Kelly now? Has Grant abandoned his critical ways and his expectation of having a Stepford wife? And why is he no longer wearing his wedding ring? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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meloumoo

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February 21, 2006, 1:15 pm PST

It's a partnership

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fruity44

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February 21, 2006, 1:16 pm PST

I can't believe this

Quote From: kbreau

I think Kelly is very lucky in the sense she is able to be a "stay at home" mom. A lot of women are able to do this because they have to work or there is no male figure in the picture. I undrstand a little where Grant is comming from because I'm a bit of a perfectionist also. I think that the relationship should be 50/50 and if theres something done not to his satitisfaction he needs to learn to do it himself or to just let it go... really though how much is it actually going to impact your overall life. The small stupid details shouldnt be important and Im trying to think this way also. I think Grant and Kelly need to focus on more important things and get back to being a happy couple:)

This man is something else! Kelly is locked in to this mind set that she can't even answer a question about how she feels about something without including (or making the answer all about) Grant. I commend her for having some sense of trying to be happy about her decisions to spend time with her children as apposed to making sure that everything is to the "Lieutenant's" expectation. She's not just a wife she is a MOTHER. That is not an easy job to want to make everything perfect but, you don't have enough time or energy to spread to everyone all the time. This is why woman lose their identity after they have children. Trying to make everyone else happy and completely putting themselves to the side. Why is it so hard to just hear a kind word from someone that "supposedly" loves you. Not always criticism. I know Dr. Phil was trying to bring Grant along and I'm not saying that he isn't trying " white knuckle all the way" but I think (although it was funny) he went a little easy on him, and how he is affecting his wife and their relationship. I don't think Grant ever mentioned the children. Maybe he doesn't realize they have them?

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momakababe

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February 21, 2006, 1:16 pm PST

and frankly

Quote From: momisme2

If Kelly actually smiles this time around and doesent look so unbelievably sad and lonely then odds are you will come off as a hero.

As much as your first appearance on the show annoyed the ever loving crap outta me, I cant help but hope you will come off as the hero and I will FINALLY see your wife smile and that light in her eyes shining away. Shes much too beautiful of a woman to look so sad and alone. Hope to see her smile!

p.s. if she still has the same horrid look on her face then expect to be hearing back from me! lol

I thought that his wife was exceptionally sad as she spoke of how it "hurts her feelings" that he doesn't wear his wedding ring. A wedding ring. No matter what problems I've ever had or however angry or upset I've ever been it would never have occured to me to take off my wedding ring. A symbol of my love & commitment to my husband is something I'd never *remover* because if I remove the symbol does that meanI've removed the love & commitment too? And the idea that he was asked what he thinks this means for her or if he's asked her how she feels about this & all he could answer is what it is *he's* doing & how *he's* not sure why he does this to me says he's self centered & just cannot get beyond himself. To me THIS is the real part of the problem. After being with my husband for 24 yrs. thinking how something will be received by him is usually first. I feel his pain, joy etc. & vise versa, this is just having empathy for a spouse & wanting them happy.

I noticed how he never addressed your post & again I have to wonder if it isn't his indiffernce to his wife &/or her pain?

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bndade101

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February 21, 2006, 1:17 pm PST

Kelly and Grant

I did not see the original show with Kelly and Grant but I did see today's episode. To be honest I am very frustrated with the both of them. With Grant, he expects something that is not possible when you have a house with small children in it. I was raised to believe was that if you don't like how some thing has been done then you should be doing that job yourself, this way It is done to your spedifications. And nobody is perfect, if it appears that way then you should lok closer because nothing is how it appears. Now for Kelly, I can understand the desire to please your husband, and to make him happy. But the only person who can make him happy is himself. Just as you can only make yourself happy. You are doing the right thing by trying to find a good balance between your home and your children. And to be honest, nobody ever died because the furniture was not placed properly or the cupbords weren't organized very well. On a final note people can survive quite well on Kraft dinner, so long as your with your loved ones when your eating it !

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suzala

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February 21, 2006, 1:17 pm PST

a perfect marrage

Well Dr.Phil-I have been married 30 years and have had up's in down's with what my husband thinks a prefect wife should be. I was not one of them. I put most of my time into my kids. He did'nt understand then but realizes now that that was a good thing for them as adults. But I think for the first 15-20 years of a marrage a husband never feels like he has a great wife that does not disapoint him when there is children involved. It is hard to put you husband first all the time when there are children inthe house. A man thinks he is getting married and is going to have all the sex he wants and live in a nice clean house forever and ever. Well children are thrown into the picture and wala sex is gone and the house is messy all the time. Tell your unhappy husband, if he does not screw up his marrage and keeps a good relationship with his wife, in a few years when children are grown and he will get what he always wanted. A loving wife and a clean house and sex. He will just have to waite a while before he gets everything he wants. Be patent

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o2blikhim

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February 21, 2006, 1:17 pm PST

I agree

Quote From: smakgirl

At the end of today's show, Dr. Phil asked, "What makes a good wife?" The answer is different for everyone. I believe what makes a good wife, is the same thing that makes a good husband. It has absolutely nothing to do with how well a person can clean or cook or place furniture. It's about being honest and trustworthy, kind and caring. It's all about putting the other person first and doing whatever you can to make their life better. It doesn't take a rocket scientist or an electrical engineer for that matter to see that by putting your spouse first you will reap what you have sewn. relationships are about compromise, acceptance, faith, and understanding. Setting goals is a great way to gage your life but you have to set those goals together and be willing to reevaluate them if they are causing a conflict.
My fiance is fond of saying that we are a team. Not just the two of us but my daughters as well. We all work together to get the household chores done so that we have time for fun. My fiance does not know how to cook so either I cook or my girls cook. I have a dust allergy so my fiance cleans while I mow the grass. Things are not perfect but we work as a team and live by the golden rule...it's that simple!

I think you have a point I forgot to mention in my message that is putting the other first. There is a saying that if you give one hundred percent and expect ZERO back you will never be disappointed. Maybe that is what like you said makes a good wife or husband. BUT then again you are not married and I have been for 25 years and it may be completely unrealistic to expect that perfect sharing as you and your fiance have. Let us know how things are going ten, fifteen or like me 25 years from now

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quilter127

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February 21, 2006, 1:17 pm PST

Perfect Grant?

I'm surprised Kelly stuck it out with this sorry excuse of a husband. I can't help but wonder what kind of a home life he came from. Stop looking for a rose. You have passed up an orchard. Get back on track. She is doing the most important job that any person will ever do in their entire life. RAISING YOUR CHILDREN. Try it sometime. You stay home and fulfill your 75 demands and take care of the children as well. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Quilter127

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leona55

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February 21, 2006, 1:18 pm PST

Yeah you don't know much

Quote From: annnco

Dear Dr. Phil,
Today, on the show with Grant and Kelly, you said something that outraged me!
"The home is almost, the wife's domain." You then went on to explain that whatever the wife feels is good for the home, the husband should accept it. It also seemed like you were giving the example of, you should lie through your teeth if you have to, because it isn't a large battle to pick. I agree in that it is not a huge deal. But the home is something shared. Home needs to be somewhere that everyone in the family loves, even if it is just a family of husband and wife.
Painting the kitchen pink was a little extreme, I feel like the house should be neutral colors, or decorated in a ways that are agreed on by both members of the relationship.
My parents work together as a team. Their relationship works so well because they consult each other with everything. My mother would never paint their bedroom pink, because like the rest of the home, it's shared with my father, and he has a say in his our home as well as my sister and I do.
I normally agree with most things that you say Dr. Phil, but today I was very dissappointed that you would support decorating the home a one-sided decision.
I would like it if you could re-think this suggested matter.
Sincerely,
Anna

I'm only 16, so I do not know much about marriage, but I know that that can't be right!

Maybe if Grant didn't make a big deal about small stuff (like pink curtains) and gave Kelly more respect overall, she would not do things that she knows ahead of time will grate on his nerves.

Marriage is 'give an take' and mutual respect and consideration - think about your friendships. If you are the one who is always giving, don't you feel hurt/cheated/resentful occasionally? Personally, I think that marriage is a relationship that should require that you be best friends first.

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kwaryan

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February 21, 2006, 1:18 pm PST

"Wifestyles"

I just recently became a stay at home mom/house wife. I don't even like the term "housewife." Lets face it, we aren't in the 40's and 50's anymore. There isn't as much segregation between men and women, there are even stay at home dads now.

I don't think just because you don't have a "real job" that you don't deserve the respect a person gets when they have a "real job" I work harder at home than I did in the working world. I have a 3 month old daughter and am a wife to a military man. So not only am I a housewife, I'm also a military wife, which isn't an easy thing to do.

My husband has expectations for me, but if they aren't done I am not worried about him getting mad at me, I would think it was funny if he said something to me.

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salli18

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February 21, 2006, 1:18 pm PST

what a jerk..

I agree with donna.. this guy is totally nuts to think any wife is going to be perfect.. just like no husband will ever be perfect. i would also like to see them switch roles and see him break down from being critized 24/7. thats so sad i don't see how anyone can stay married with the one they love while their treating the other horribly.. how can you love someone and not wear your wedding band. thats a symbol of your love and comittment and your faithfulness. If women were supposed to be perfect God would have said so in the bible and there would be nothing unique about Jesus. I feel extremely sorry for her.

-Salli

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