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Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

Number of Replies: 2998

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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:07:28 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil revisits the topic of what makes a good wife. Grant and Kelly first appeared on the show because Grant expected his wife to live up to his demanding standards. He wanted a cleaner house, better meals and a sexier spouse. After seven years, his constant criticism and disappointment had her ready to throw in the towel on trying to become the "perfect wife." Dr. Phil’s first talk with Grant and Kelly caused quite a stir as thousands of viewers wrote in choosing sides. How are Grant and Kelly now? Has Grant abandoned his critical ways and his expectation of having a Stepford wife? And why is he no longer wearing his wedding ring? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More February 2006 Show Boards.

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hazeleyeza

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February 21, 2006, 3:33 pm PST

grant

I think that if he has all them rules for his wife ..I hope he can perform for a hour not ten minutes...and work making atleast 20 dollars a hour....lets see dont get heavy at all...cut his hair the way she wants it....dont drive fast....work more than five days....dont get old....come on who does he think he is to give her all them rules...does he want a wife or a slave...its about love not chores....If he is at work he needs to worry about work..shes at home she knows what she should do and what she needs to do.....if he wants a pet tell him to go to dog shelter....it maybe harsh but he better be happy he dont have a wife like me. Cause I would shove that list where the sun dont shine....didnt know she joined the army thought she just got married,...did he tell her if she could have pain or not when she gave birth...He is crazy ....he needs to fix himself before he can try to fix someone else.......angie

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eagles77

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February 21, 2006, 3:33 pm PST

ROLES OF A WIFE? IS THIS A PLAY?

I RESENT ALL THIS B.S. ABOUT ROLES OF A WIFE.... THERE ARE NO ROLES. YOU JUST BE WHO YOU ARE AND IF THE OTHER DIPSTICK DOESN'T LIKE WHO YOU ARE, THEN WHY ARE YOU WITH THEM TO START WITH. THIS SEEMS TO BE A NO-BRAINER TO ME. IT WOULD TAKE A PERSON WITH ZERO SELF ESTEEM TO LET SOMEONE CRITICIZE THEM ALL THE TIME. I'D TELL THE LOSER TO NOT LET THE DOOR HIT HIM IN THE BACKSIDE ON THE WAY OUT!!!

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starr53177

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February 21, 2006, 3:33 pm PST

What a wife is supposed to be?

I watched the tail end of the wife episode and I have to say that I would be a nightmare wife. It is my contention that a wife should be a partner. She should bring an equal amount to the table as her husband. Both my husband and I work and we have a young baby. I make more money than my husband does and all of our insurance is through my job. My husband isn't threatened by my success. He doesn't expect me to cook (and lucky for him because after I work a whole day all I want to do is play with my baby). He doesn't expect me to clean anymore than he is expected to. This isn't 1950. Men and women are equal in the household as they should be in their careers. I think it is an antiquated idea that a woman is supposed to take care of her man.

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alecsmoma

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February 21, 2006, 3:34 pm PST

Get real

Grant is something else. He is wrong, and she is wrong for putting up with it. A marriage is between two people, but to hear him tell it, it has to be his way, or no way. For him not wearing his ring, he doesn't want someone to know he's married. He probably has a girlfriend at work, and just cannot admit it.

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zat1rxs

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February 21, 2006, 3:34 pm PST

Don't sweat the small stuff!

I've never responded to these things before, but I just had to do so today. I could't believe what I was seeing on the show today. These people seem to be a couple who have never had a real challenge in their lives or marriage. To think that how she does the housework is a reason for him to be irritated is just amazing to me! He should be glad that he has a lovely wife, great kids, a pleasant home to come home to . Enjoy the time he has with his wife and kids instead of worrying about all that trivia. She should just do her thing as best she can. Be upbeat and don't take any lip from him. If it's not clean enough for him, let him clean it himself. If they'd ever had to pull together to get thru a crisis, they would know how trivial all this is. I know. We had to live thru a total role reversal for about 5 years. With that change, and then a change back to "normal" we found the my husband is a waaayyy better housekeeper and cook than I ever will be. He does the shopping and cooking, I do the laundry and pay the bills from a joint account where money is deposited from both our paychecks. As for cleaning...............If you think it needs cleaned then clean it! (My house is cleaned, every week). Dr Phil, maybe they just need to grow up and see the world the way it is.

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tomuchsoap

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February 21, 2006, 3:34 pm PST

I tried that....

Quote From: tomuchsoap

My husband is a perfectionist, and I am not. And I do feel like I did when I was living under my fathers roof, so I'm beginning to wonder if we are in a "Parent/Child relationship?, and how to fix it...and what book to get, to work on that problem. We have been married for almost 6 yrs. Haven't had sex in 2yrs. I really don't know what to do. Do you know what he was fussing about yesterday? How much laundry detergent I use????? (guess why I picked my username) We use the cheapest brand there is. I don't cook,because I feel like I am being watched,like I might accidently get a hair in it or something. It's like if he can't see something, he will go and find something, to fuss about. I sure wish he would have watched the Dr. Phil show today , but he thinks he's a "nut". OH , but get this, he watched yesterday's show, about "Are you a "B" , yes he was willing to sit and watch that one. I feel like I am walking on eggshells all the time. My shoulders just crawl, when he walks thru the room and I feel like I must get up and "do something" even though I have already been doing something.(I have to pace myself, due to the fact I have tension headaches and migraines and fibromyalgia ect.) Which he knew all this before we got married. He complains because I have to take medication, but my gosh, if I wasn't so stressed......... and the money situation, well thats a long, long story. And I've complained enough..... tomuchsoap

But when I did, he would sigh, like "why are you not doing this?", but when you feel like its not good enough , or not right ...sometimes, why try? Then I decided to be the bigger person and try to keep the house organized(which I am NOT good at) and keep the clothes all washed up. and one day he couldn't find a shirt, well he just had a hissy fit. I got so aggravated, I didn't know what to do..I fold them , put them up, but apparently not right, and not in the right place. Gosh, aren't there more important things in life than laundry? Like laughing and enjoying ones company? Going fishing and just talking? H'es so critical of everything, when he opens his mouth I know its not going to be anything good. Its like he doesn't know how to have fun.

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gingerjo8

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February 21, 2006, 3:34 pm PST

potty trained at gunpoint?

Since Grant seems to be an expert on being a wife, perhaps they should try swapping roles for a while. It's the whole "walk a mile in my shoes" theory. Kelly could take a public job while Grant stays home. Maybe then, they could appreciate what each one contributes.

I qualify that statement because I have worked as an engineer in heavy industry for 23 years. I do mostly electrical work although my degree is in chemical engineering so I can be as anal as the next engineer. My ex-husband is a mechanical engineer. We both worked while we raised his children. I took care of everything around the house like a good wife so he could play golf or go to the gym every afternoon. Yes, that included cutting the grass. Notice we are no longer married. Would it have been nice if my ex had voluteered to do the shopping or cut the grass once in a while so I could play golf? You betcha. Could Dr. Phil have helped us? You betcha!! Relationships must be give and take. The 1950's role of the wife is way outdated.

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loriannerb

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February 21, 2006, 3:34 pm PST

02/21 More Wifestyles

Quote From: uw4ydoac

I was glad to see Grant so eager to change. But as a mother of three boys (11, 10, and 8 years old) I think there are somethings Kelly can do to help herself be a successful wife.

Clear the clutter. Clutter creates the illusion of mess and also increases stress. Closets and drawers full of stuff even when put away still looks like a mess. If you aren't using it regularly...donate it to charity.
Set aside a 1/2 hour a day for "fluffing" your home. Daily house cleaning should never take more than that. Get your kids to help. It is time together with your kids and also a great way to teach them to be self-sufficient. Your home does not need to be chemically cleaned daily. Picking up clutter, a quick wipe down of tables and chairs, and making the beds can really make a difference.
Forget dance classes, try cooking classes. Most cities offer classes that are inexpensive and can be a great break from the day-to-day routine. My husband watched my boys one night a week for me to take a one hour cooking class. I loved the interaction with other adults and now my husband loves to eat at home. In fact now he encourages me to make larger portion so he can have leftovers!
Finally, never neglect your children for housework. You get one chance to raise your children to be responsible and valuable adults. If your kids turn out to be wonderful adults, who cares whether the house was white-glove clean!

Always remember that success is best measured by one's children. Never be criticize your spouse's cleaning in front of your kids because they will soon associate dad's anger toward mommy is because they made a mess. Love them and cherish them. Their happiness is the best payment for a job well done!

AMEN!

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jackieo7

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February 21, 2006, 3:35 pm PST

TOTALLY AGREE

Quote From: farfelo

I suspect that Grant is getting his expectations of what a family should be like, from movie and television dramas. Those wives on TV can make immaculate homes, why not his wife?

First of all, everything about a studio set is planned in advance. The director does not want anything there that distracts from telling the story -- the real purpose of the show. There will not be a pile of dirty laundry unless it sets the mood of the household or creates a necessary conflict in the script between characters. There will not be empty beer cans on the counter or cat hair on the carpet unless it tells you about the personality of a character.

Secondly, the people you see in the drama are not the ones who are keeping the carpet cleaned. That's done by late-night custodial staff, and by union set dressers in between takes. The clothes are washed or dry cleaned by the costume department.

Thirdly, the way the actors look, is not to their credit (well except for their bone structure and fitness). There is a whole department to do their hair and make up. And costumers follow them around to keep wrinkles out of the clothes and to brush off lint.

Fourthly, they have a SCRIPT. Nearly every word they say is planned in advance. They have a DIRECTOR who tells them where to stand, what frame of mind their character is in, and who critiques the manner in which they deliver their lines. And they get MULTIPLE TAKES.

So when you see the dishes pointing different ways in the dishwasher, you think "that's not what real life is like." But it IS. The dishes point the same way, ONLY IN COMMERCIALS. It's FAKE. Real life does consist of moderate chaos. Why are you insisting that your wife be FAKE? Perhaps you need more experience with what genuine people's lives are like without directors, costumers, and set dressers.

Besides, if you want your wife to do 75 different things, do you realize that you would need several different departments of housekeeping staff?

I absolutely 100 percent agree with you!!! My MAN (as he prefers to boyfriend) and I were in a department store furniture section, and he says to me, "This is what I want our house to look like." I couldnt believe that he had just said that!! He is the same way as far as "everything has a place!!" Well I thought about it and said "Of course it's going to be perfect, not dusty, not messy, nothing because gueess what??, no one LIVES here!!" As soon as I watched this show today I immediately knew exactly what Kelly is going through. Just to hear, "WOW, honey the house looks great, " and NOT "Well, why didn't you get this done" would be AWESOME!!.....I wish I could get him to read this!!

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knoxjpa

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February 21, 2006, 3:35 pm PST

02/21 More Wifestyles

Through the entire episode today, I never once heard either parent refer to the kids as "our kids" or "our children"

Grant would say "the kids"

and Kelly would say "my kids/children"

Same goes for the house.

Grant:: "the house"

and Kelly: "my house"

That is an enormous weight on Kelly's shoulders to take ownership of all of that. No wonder she's overwhelmed with pressure. If Grant doesn't take ownership too, then his expectations will never be reality. It would be like him coming to MY house and criticizing me - it would go in one ear and out the other. I wouldn't care in the least bit what his opinion was, because it's not HIS house.

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