Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

After watching the show I think we are missing some of the values our grandparents and parents had when it came to marriage and family.  I remarried 2 and a 1/2 years ago and I am truly blessed. My first husband was abusive and I was too afraid not to be the perfect wife.  No I do it because I want to. I work full time have 2 children and still manage to let him know that he is the "man of the house".  I think we have to respect our partners and appreciate them for who they are as individuals before we can ever appreciate them as a spouse.   

He deployed to Iraq in October and we have become even closer than before.  Though our life is not easy, we are finding new ways to appreciate and honor each other and our vows.  I thank God everday that he gave me this gift,  an opportunity to be in a successfull marriage.  

Hi all, 

I watched both Grant and Kelly shows, and feel so sorry for them both. Long story short, I married the wrong man the first time, and tried so hard to be the perfect wife. I did it all--had a good job, did all the cleaning, cooking, bill paying, yard work, etc. and tried hard not to pressure him in any way. In the nearly 10 years we were married, he was out of work far more than he worked, and during those times I paid his child support from his past marriage. I did all I could to be perfect and to make him love me more. Well, guess what--he left me just the same, and for the same old tired reason; another and younger woman. It didn't take me long to figure out that what I was feeling was a combination of relief, outrage (after all, how could anyone leave such a wonderful person as ME?), and humiliation for not reading the obvious signs.  

After 4 years on my own, I ran into an old friend whom I had met 25 years ago. At that time he was getting ready to get married to my best friend's older sister, and we all ended up living a few houses away from each other for years. I watched their daughter grow up, and in fact was the first non-family member to hold her as an infant. I married and moved to TX, but through my friends kept up with everyone. His marriage ended unhappily, and he became a long-distance trucker. By the time I was divorced, his route took him through TX about once a quarter. We met once for dinner, and kept in touch. After a few more dates and a lot of talking, I found to my great surprise that we had become more than friends. That was around my 50th birthday (July), and by that November we were engaged.  

We've been married now for nearly 4 years, and I am so grateful and happy. With my first husband, I had loads of money, cars, big houses, lots of jewelry, fancy vacations--but no love and no partnership. These days my wonderful second husband and I are literally living on a shoestring, and are doing without a lot of things to get out of debt. But as I often tell him, if I had the choice of my old life with all that STUFF, or my new life with him--the love of my life and best friend, I'll take him each and every time! :) 

Ok I am a stay at home mom of 3 with a husband who works 2 jobs so that I can stay home he is currently out of the country serving in the USCG b/c on top of the 2 full time jobs he is a USCG Reservist.  I will have to say that sometimes I wish it were me going to the 2 differnt jobs b/c I am hom 24/7 with the kids and don't get to say I need a break.  The list you made was crazy and I can tell you that my list is longer than yours and I NEVER get it all done.  I cook, clean, discipline, grocery shop, change drity diapers, give baths etc...and right now I am the role of both mommy and daddy.  But I dare my husband to tell me that its not done well enough b/c I know hands down that I may not do it perfect all the time I can do a heck of a lot more all at once than he ever could, I have learned how to do 10 things at once and yes, there are days when I don't put all the laundry away or leave the dishes for the morning b/c I am just TIRED and on top of that I want to spend a few minutes of my day with my HUSBAND.  I am wondering why you don't pitch in an help organize the closets and drawers and toys since you are the one who has the problem with the location or condition they are in? Heck your wife is the one cooking why do you care where the tomatos sauce is or the spaghetti noodles are as long as she gets the food on the table.  And just a little hint my husband and I lived together for a year before we got married and I got up before him to make his lunch i did this everyday until I heard one to many complaints on what was made or packed, at that time I was working my own full time job and didnt have to be up for at least an hour and I never made his lunch again b/c why should I do something for somebody who would complain about it instead of saying thank you. You might find your wife doing nothing for you from lanundry to dinner and then how will you feel.  I know I am not perfect but think how you would feel if everytime you did something your boss or co-worker criticized it, you would eventually break your spirt would be nothing.  Just some food for thought. And one last thing what makes you think its ok not to wear your wedding band? To me that is the biggest slap in the face you have put a condition on the love you have for your wife which to me is horrible.  Even in the maddest days of my marriage I have always worn my wedding band.  I do hope you get the IT you are missing..but It is pretty obvious love you wife for who she is and what she DOES day in and day out for you to your standards or not...loosen up life is too short.  This is coming from a woman whose own mother had such expections of me that even now I cant possibly meet them I was always set up for failure and that is what you are doing to your wife. 

Dear Dr. Phil,  

I can not believe that Grant is serious about his wife needing lessons on how to make him happy.  I think that he needs to learn the meaning of being a husband.  In my opinion I do not think that there is a such thing as certain role's a man and woman must fullfill in a marriage.  If your love and compassion for one another is what it should be you should be able to accept one another's faults.  If he thinks that her "performance" is not up to par then she should tell him to do it his damn self.   

His wife seems like such a wonderful person.  Her words are sincere and you can see the pain in her eyes when these issues are discussed.  It is so sad to me.  Grant should be proud to have her as his wife and learn to appreciate her for who she is.   

Once upon a time, in the 40's and 50's daddy went to work and mommy stayed at home and took care of the home, the kids, the work at home and daddy.  In the 40's and 50's the TV shows depicted this perfect scenario. The Home Economics classes which girls were required to take told young girls how to be the good wife, be in a fresh dress, ribbons in her hair, the kids fed and quite when Daddy came home from a hard day at work.  What bunk was that? 

With modern conveniences to take on some of the labor intensive chores previously performed by mommy while daddy eascaped at worked on a job women have been able to join the work force.  The problem is that daddy still wants to come home from a busy day and relax as he remembered his father did while mommy served him his dinner, had his clean clothes washed and ironed ready for the next day. 

Well, excuse me, today Mommy works all day at a job and is just as tired if not more so than you are so get of  off your lazy  butt and help with the chores.  If you need clean sox learn how to operate the washer and dryer. There is more work to running a home than just taking out the garbage. How about learning how to run a vacuum cleaner while she is cooking your meal, or maybe you could also learn to cook. 

To much is expected of wives and mothers and after putting in a double shift everyday, a job and managing the home, twice the amount of time daddy works he wonders why she is to tired for sex. Give me a break. 

Been there done that.