Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

I tape and watch Doctor Phil everyday, I saw both of these shows and I am completely appalled at the way this guy treats his wife!!!! All I have to say to Grant is your house will be to your expectations when she's gone and your doing it yourself!! Kelly , to you....girl...get some Kahunas stand up to this man or just sit down and let him do it! As "Anal" as he is you could leave the mess and it would not take him long to begin cleaning!!! You have every right to have a say in how you conduct your house and when it is done!! My husband and I work Full time and raise our two beautiful girls , My theory in life is that if my child wants a book read and there are dishes in the sink those dishes will be there when I get finished reading and if I run out of time to cook dinner it's "fin for yourself night!!" Canned soup, spaghettios, What ever we can muster up!!PB&J never hurt anyone!!!! Grant needs to know that there will be all the time in the world to clean , cook and be retentive when your kids are grown and gone but he is wasting precious energy that could be spent on his family. If tomorrow was your last day on earth would you worry about how clean the house is or just focus on your family? Cherish each day like it is your last!!! I believe that you are sending your kids the wrong message here!! That you are teaching your son to demean women and you sure are not teaching him how to love!!  My husband keeps his mouth shut about the house or he gets to clean it....after 15 yrs together he finally admitted he would rather do anything in the world than clean house!! That explains his silence!!!! Grant .....Lead by example....I did not see you helping at all!!! If you spent half the energy you spend complaining and criticizing helping her you get alot done!!!!You both have full time jobs only hers is 24-7 and yours is when you leave the office!!! And I and I am sure you get paid a hell of a lot more than she doe!!!! Wake up before you miss out on the most wonderful gift having a loving family and watching your kids grow up under the same roof as you! If I was Kelly I would not be as patient I would have already opened that can of whoop A--! Stick up for yourself and have your say!! After all it is your domain.....rule it!!! 

Sincerely 

Happy Texas Mama of Two!!!!! 

Very sad. Not wearing the ring. But I think every marraige goes through stuff. I say get a cleaning service and maybe the cooking help with dinners. And what's with the pink in the kitchen? 

Pink on any window... not a good sign. Except a baby girls nursery. 

Grant needs to get a clue about relationships. I don't get why he seems to want to run the relationship as he would a business. It should be a partnership with both sides giving and taking. Leave the engineer at the office. If he would stop trying to fix her and learn to love her for who she is he might be a happier man.  

She might want to fix the house up and take better care of him if he would not put her down and be mentally abusive to her. I know that when I come home from a hard day at work my husband will pick up on that and say....why don't we go out and get a bite to eat or order in tonight.....you look like you have had a hard day....and he will do other things to let me know that I am his first priority. That in turn makes me want to do more to make him happy...like cook his favorite meal....etc. 

They should focus on each other and their relationship...not the house...cooking and other things that don't really matter. At the end of the day when you come home to spend time with your family does it really matter if toys are on the floor or the laundry is not done? If Grant would focus on enjoying his wife and let the resentment towards Kelly go and find ways to make her life easier he might find her trying to bend over backwards to help him. Maybe he should try coming home one day and asking Kelly what he could do to help her. 

Has Grant also thought about how he is affecting his children. As they grow up and hear how he treats his wife they may start to resent him. And if he has boys they will think it is ok to treat their spouses the way he treats Kelly. And when it is all said and done and the children are grown they will not remember if the house was perfect but they will remember how much time Grant and Kelly spent with them and they will remember how the family treated each other. 

And if he wants a great meal...instead of putting her down he should have offered to take a cooking class with her...she could learn to cook great food and they would be spending time together. And if a clean house is that important to him for goodness sakes hire a maid and use the house cleaning time to spend with your family. 

We are old fashion in my home. I usually take care of the inside things, which means, if my cabinets are unorganized or the broom is behind the door, or the curtains are pink i am the one who had to see it and mess with it everyday, so it is mine to look at. My husband is almost always in charge of the outside stuff. I do not mow the lawn or take out the trash or wash the car. He does not tell me how to clean the house, I do not tell h im how to mow the lawn. We have three kids and we both work full time, if I notice that the lawn is a little overgrown, I do make a suggestion like maybe this weekend we can get the yard done, and the same goes with him. If the laundry starts piling up, he simply says "I am going to put a load in the washer to get started, will you finish it up?" I do not think that a husband or a wife should ever tell the other that they need lessons in something. That is totally disrespectful, and the things that Grant is complaining about are not even important things. Who cares about a messy pantry, or an overloaded dishwasher. At least she is not hurting his kids and she is home taking care of them as well as him. I dont think that they should divorce each other, I think that maybe Grant just needs to learn to not sweat the small stuff. 

This message is for Grant.  

I'm a female version of you, although alot older. I, too, have always been one to make to-do lists for myself (and others). It must have something to do with being right-brained. (I'm an accountant. My Dad is like this, too, and he is an engineer.) 

After 36 years of marriage, I'm glad to be married to someone who is my opposite. (I didn't always feel this way.) I'm not saying my husband is a slob. Not at all. He picks up after himself though he is a bit of a packrat. (We compromise on that part. I've built shelves in the basement and I've also put in closet organizers.) My husband's best virtue is the patience he's shown with me as I discover what is important and what is not. (From what I can see, you have that in Kelly, too.) 

In the early years, I was quite fanatical. I wanted my household to be a perfectly oiled machine. As time went by, I found I was driving my husband and my children nuts. The day my 8 year old said, "You expect us to live in "House Beautiful," I realized that I needed to lighten up. When I did, I found freedom from within, also. My house now has that comfortable lived-in look. It's picked up. It's deep cleaned once or twice a year, but no more fretting about the small stuff. 

Good luck on your quest, Grant.