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Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:07:28 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil revisits the topic of what makes a good wife. Grant and Kelly first appeared on the show because Grant expected his wife to live up to his demanding standards. He wanted a cleaner house, better meals and a sexier spouse. After seven years, his constant criticism and disappointment had her ready to throw in the towel on trying to become the "perfect wife." Dr. Phil’s first talk with Grant and Kelly caused quite a stir as thousands of viewers wrote in choosing sides. How are Grant and Kelly now? Has Grant abandoned his critical ways and his expectation of having a Stepford wife? And why is he no longer wearing his wedding ring? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More February 2006 Show Boards.

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momtenz

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February 22, 2006, 12:51 pm PST

To Grant and Kelly

Grant and Kelly-

I was curious what religion you are.

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mpitch

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February 22, 2006, 12:53 pm PST

Really take a look at ourselves....

Quote From: gallen

I appreciate your insightful comments, thank you.

Since you were there when we did the taping, you were present for much more

of our time with Dr. Phil than will most likely air Tuesday. Kelly and I are wagering

between us - will I come off looking like a hero, or a zero. You don't ever know how

the show will air after the production team pieces things together. We have been

keeping in touch with our friends that were at the taping also, James and Amy.

I decided a while back that perfection is in the eyes of the beholder and is also a function

of present circumstances of life. Since the first show, I have really tried to put away the

measuring calipers and white gloves - there are more important things to occupy my time.

As you point out in your post, it would take an immense amount of energy to be so controlling.

I disliked Grant to start only because I had a pre-concieved opinion of him. While watching it though, he was being completely honest about things and seemed open to help with his need to have everything in order. One thing I try to do in situations is put myself in both parties shoes. I am a little like Grant in a way, except I do not place my high expectations on others, but rather myself. Are part of my expectations from my childhood and upbringing? Yes. Is the other part due to the fact that I never gave myself a little slack when it came to my expectations? Yes. An upbringing is important but will only mold you partway. By then you can decide what it is you want out of life and how you want to be. I made the choice to be hard on myself, but after watching the show I am going to cut myself a little slack. I can't solve the world today and maybe not tomorrow either. I do need to find more happiness in life and cut my expectations of myself and of others down. I don't want to be 80 and realize that my life could have been more fulfilling if "I" had just let it be so. It was pointed out that only I have control over myself. This is true and a realization that everyone needs to come to terms with. I thinkk that Grant and Kelly will do fine if they take the advice that was given on the show. Kelly..you don't have to be perfect and it is wonderful that your children are your priorities. Someday, you will find a balance between being a wife, being a mother, and cleaning. Right now though your priorites are great and will lead you down the right road. Grant...You aren't the monster some people think you are and you will triumph by taking Dr. Phil's advice and just letting your expectations down a little each day. You have a wife, children, a roof over your heads, food to eat, and your health..be content with that and the details won't much matter after awhile. Good luck to both of you. May you find loving peace and acceptance in your lives!

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lazydayz

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February 22, 2006, 12:55 pm PST

02/21 More Wifestyles

Quote From: indiana_4

I am the perfect wife! I've been married 8 years and I'm a mother of four ages 7, 6, 4 and 7 months. This show evoked such emotion from me, I mean in this day and age I find it amazing that women believe their role as a housewife/stay at home mom means they HAVE to cook, clean, pamper their husband and do it all perfectly. So many things on this show made my skin crawl, wife lessons??? Women attacking Kelly and saying she should be able to do it better. It is just my opinion, but a wife is many things and her role can vary greatly from one couple to the next and what works for one couple may not work for another. If you want to be the traditional wife, by all means go for it, just don't expect every woman to jump on board.

Yes, it is true I am the perfect wife but not because I think so, because my husband does. I am a traditional wife who cooks and cleans (not perfectly) and I do it not because I have to and not because I'm expected to. I do it because I enjoy it. (Well the cooking is far more gratifying than the cleaning.)

As for Grant, yes he expects too much from his wife, hopefully he will come to his senses and realize what a gem he has. And let Kelly be herself.

Were there actually women saying "she could do it betterr"? I missed that part. Maybe they should marry the jerk. Kelly's pretty, hardworking, smart, why on earth would she marry him?

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lazydayz

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February 22, 2006, 12:57 pm PST

02/21 More Wifestyles

Quote From: ramair

So, a man doesn't wear a wedding ring? It's none of Dr Phil's business. A lot of men don't wear their wedding rings because doing so would be dangerous on the job. A man could be electrocuted. Or lose his finger. My husband works in the tool and die department. And, he works on his cars in his spare time. I gave him a ring but asked him not to wear it. He's already missing part of his thumb. He caught it in a motorcycle chain. A ring isn't going to make a man faithful, anyway.

Yeah, but that's not Grant's reason. His reason is wearing the ring means he's conceding to his wife being perfect. WTF? That's not ok! My husband doesn't wear his ring either, but for reasons that have nothing to do with the state of our marriage. Apples and oranges.

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winggirl2

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February 22, 2006, 1:02 pm PST

Kelly,are you really

cleaning the grey rubber seals in your refrigerator and dishwasher today? I read your post and I know you go to flylady.com which is a good website,but I had to go look in our refrigerator and dishwasher to try and find what you were talking about cleaning!!!!! It sounds like you aren't considering leaving Grant , so please continue to get counselling for yourself if he doesn't want to go. And if you need it, have a cleaning person come over while he is at work to help you.He doesn't even have to know about it. You are still young enough to have a second successful marriage. I don't know your age but your kids are 4 and under. Do you want it to be 20 years from now and still being treated like that from Grant.? The kids will be out of the house by then, unless God forbid you have another and that will just make it harder to keep up with his demands. Please get counselling for yourself. Only a very passive person would be in a relationship with someone so highly demanding. You have the disease to please. I would not be surprised if you had migraines or some other symptoms of living like this. I'm sure by now,you basically tune him out and you will end up as roomates living in an uneasy truce just to endure being in the same house. If you aren't getting counselling,why not? When the kids get a little older. I think he will start making lists for them too and critiquing and judging everything they do. Nothing they do will measure up either. I guess you could stay together and get enough counselling to make a good decision and work together on that. But I would not be surprised if you did everything you could to please him and then he surprised you by finding another women that he thinks suits his level of "excellence"(ha ha) better. By then you will have sunk another 10 years of your life into this marriage and 10 more years of cleaning some wierd seals on your dishwasher!!!! Call a counselor today!!! You owe that much to your kids. The damage he will do to them will be worse because it will start during their developmental years. In some ways he is still like a child who thinks everything revolves around him .

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kmusikdi

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February 22, 2006, 1:02 pm PST

An Idea on Making Decisions

Quote From: gallen

I don't really care about the color of the curtains.

I have been very up front with people are said that the house was Kelly's area to do her thing.

Don't expect me to smile every time she asks me what I think about them. I would have picked a different color. I like different colors than she does. It isn't about control, or being a demanding husband. I like John Deer Green - always have. I recently painted my boat that color. If I asked Kelly what she thought of the color I would expect her opinion. It doesn't have to be an indicator of a failing marriage that a warm blooded, American male would choose non-pink curtains.

Please!

My husband and I also have very different tastes when it comes to decorating, but we don't fight about it. For instance, we are trying to decide what color to paint our bedroom currently. He put out all the colors he liked, then I put out all the colors I liked. Then we each took turns picking the color we hated the most -- back and forth until we came up with what we could both live with. This has worked for us in many different situations. Put all the possibilities out and then each person gets to throw one out until you get down to the one you can both agree on.

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anglegg

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happy

February 22, 2006, 1:03 pm PST

Motivated Homemaker

I wasn't able to watch the entire show ( I am after all a full time homemaker and mother to two children). While I have a very supportive husband who works extremely hard for me to be able to stay home with our children, I have not always lived up to my end of the bargain when it came to my job. At times, I have felt completely skatter-brained what with feeling guilty if I don't "play" enough with my 18 month old, or if I don't get all the clothes washed during the week. Recently I borrowed a book from the library, Sidetracked Home Executives, that really has helped me focus on just how much I can get accomplished during the day and still have time during the week to do fun things with my kids. In my previous job as an Office Manager I was always working for someone. Someone who would defintely let me know if I wasn't doing a good job, or if I needed improvement in some areas. Along with this though comes satisfaction that I am accomplishing many things. When I started to stop making excuses for how many things I could not get done during the day because of my children or because there is "just too much to do", and started focusing on how many things I could actually get done during the day in little short segments of time, not only do my children and husband benefit, but I do as well because I feel much more fullfilled. Think about how much someone can get done when they know company is coming or some other deadline. Well, I started thinking that company IS coming home every night. That company is my husband and children. Some may think of this as being a slave to my family. Well it really doesn't feel that way when at the end of the day my family and I can sit down together, relaxed, watch TV and just enjoy being together because everything is less stressful. I still have along way to go to being the completely organized wife and mother that I can be, but fortunately I have a very supportive husband who has seen a difference in the way I handle homemaking.

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hitechgirl

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February 22, 2006, 1:04 pm PST

"Little Boy Syndrome"

I think Grant has what I like to refer to as "Little Boy Syndrome". Somehow he has very unrealistic ideas about the role of women in his life. I am guessing that he was a very cute and charming baby, then child, and finally grown man. (MAYBE NOT,,,just a guess) He must have gotten the impression that his life was going to be perfect and so were all the people in his life. He acts like a little child when things don't go his way and he makes his wife feel guilty the exact same way a child makes his parents feel guilty. He has been catered too way too long througout his life and now he simply does not know how to break the habbit. He himself needs to pick up some physical activities to work off some of that belly and quit feeling sorry for himself and that if things don't go perfect, then he won't be happy...that is what babies do b/c they don't know any better. You are a grown man,,,now you can grow up and act like a man and quit blaming anyone for any of your behavior. Put your wedding ring back on. You could be a great husband...just follow the steps Dr. Phil gives you and remember that women are not "trophies" to put up on shelves for everyone you know to admire. ;-) Your wife is a gemstone. Honor God by honoring her.

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garlic29

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February 22, 2006, 1:05 pm PST

what a fool

I thaught that a marriage between 2 people was a partnership and not childsplay.

Grant get off your high horse and be a real man, tell your wife how sexy she is, how great she is to come home to, how great her cooking is, and how great she`s raising both your kids before another man tells her.I have been married for 21 years and always tell my wife how sexy and great she makes me feel, and how much I love her................................VERY IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP.

Thank You Dr.Phil

Antonio Colati from Montreal

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nini_83

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sad

February 22, 2006, 1:06 pm PST

Wedding Ring

Quote From: ramair

This is true, but, it seems to me that Grant chooses not to wear his wedding ring because he is unhappy with his relationship, not because he can't wear it or he is afraid of injury at work. Relationships are about making each other happy and he makes his wife unhappy by choosing not to wear it.

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