Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

My mother didn't keep a neat house, but she took her four little boys and one girl (me) on walks to town with the baby stroller and focused on the children. Now she's 80 and her friend, who always was an immaculate house-keeper, said she used to be critical of my mother for letting her house be messy. But now she wishes that she had spent more time taking walks and playing with her kids. She confessed this to my mom after my oldest brother died recently at 58. Of course Grant doesn't think there are choices. When it comes to Kelly, she should do everything perfectly. He must not know how hard the job is. It's emotionally draining. He must imagine that the kids just sit around the house taking care of themselves while his wife has nothing else to do but clean. My dad was kind of an ass like that. He didn't demand a clean house, but he acted like Mom's job was nothing. But my mom was loving to him and to us anyway. Men like that would be ashamed if they were intelligent enough to be so. 

I've been married for over 20 years to a man 10 years my junior.  We have 3 great kids, not a whole lot of income, and a home full of joy, teenagers, and a life I wouldn't trade anyone for anything.  For the past 20-some years, my husband has been a journeyman electrician, considered one of the best around.  He's only about 5'4" tall and around 136 lbs.  He works like a bat out of hell all day, and always has.  I've been a stay-at-home wife and Mom, I've worked outside, and now back home again. 

Let me tell you about MY HUSBAND!!!  When he walks in the door at night, God's in his heaven and all is right with the world.  He's ALWAYS got a smile on his face, a kiss, a pat for the dog and a happy greeting for anyone else who happens to be here.  I try very hard to see to it that there is something decent for dinner on the stove, I have a fresh pot of coffee for him, (which I immediately pour a cup of while taking his lunch box, etc. out of his hands) and many times a nice clean house. 

I believe in traditional family roles in my home, while anyone else's is entirely none of my business.  Sometimes it is chaos, insanity, crises, dirty laundry, unfinished dishes, and you name the rest.  IT NEVER, EVER CHANGES THE SMILE ON HIS FACE!!! 

He's worked so hard all these years and his slight body is giving out on him.  He has 2 torn rotator cuffs which we certainly cannot afford to have surgically corrected.  He NEVER complains and more times than not he gives ME the backrub before falling asleep!  He still coaches baseball for little league for going on 14 years, and still throws batting practice with that pain in his shoulders and wouldn't give it up for anything.  If he gets homemade fried chicken and all of the traditional goodies that go with and homemade apple pie for dessert, or hot dogs and beans, he ALWAYS says "thanks babe, that was wonderful!! "  He gets up before dawn and makes his own breakfast and lunch so I can sleep a little later!! 

At least 8 or 10 times a night I ask, "what can I get for you, babe?", sometimes after work when he sits down to read his sports section, I take off his cap and rub his sweet little head just because he loves that.  On his days off, he ALWAYS says "what can I help you with, babe?"  He loves his children with his whole heart.  He's not the kind of Dad who necessarily knows what to say all the time, or how to deal with the daily drama of a teenage daughter.  So, do you know what he DOES do?.....The very best he knows how!! And brother, do they love him for it!!  He tries not to every deny any of us anything we want (within reason) and makes dam sure we all have everything we NEED, no matter how many extra side jobs he has to do. 

That creep with the list of 75 or so items he demands from his wife isn't any kind of man.  Of course you didn't say it on the show, but he's an abuser of the worst kind.  I know, I've been there a long time ago.  My husband loves me so much.  He says it, he shows it and he lives it.  Love is a verb.  In the early years of our marriage, not only was my husband a terrible alcoholic at a very young age, he also got physical with me one night.  I immediately had him arrested.  Know what he did???  He asked the judge to send him to a court ordered ANGER MANAGEMENT class.  He never missed a night, including one when it snowed like crazy and the instructor didn't even show up!  He came home each night and discussed that day's work with me for hours.   

FROM THAT DAY I HAVE NEVER BEEN EVEN SCARED OF HIM FOR ONE MOMENT.  HE HAS NOT HAD A DRINK IN OVER 15 YEARS!  WHY?  BECAUSE LOVE IS A VERB! 

Please get that young woman a GOOD LAWYER AND A BASEBALL BAT, BEACAUSE SHE IS IN REAL DANGER!!  I was married once before when I was very young.  My husband tried to kill me on more than one occasion, and I know one when I see one now.   

Somewhere out there is a man who will ADORE that beautiful young woman for all the love she has to give! Tell her for me that even if she has to live paycheck to paycheck, every week and sometimes not quite making it, she won't give a rat's patoot, because she'll be like me, THE HAPPIEST WIFE AND MOTHER ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH! 

Thank You for letting me tell my story.  I've wanted to for years. 

Sincerely, 

Sarah Metzgar 

I appreciate your insightful comments, thank you. 

Since you were there when we did the taping, you were present for much more 

of our time with Dr. Phil than will most likely air Tuesday. Kelly and I are wagering 

between us - will I come off looking like a hero, or a zero. You don't ever know how 

the show will air after the production team pieces things together. We have been 

keeping in touch with our friends that were at the taping also, James and Amy. 

I decided a while back that perfection is in the eyes of the beholder and is also a function 

of present circumstances of life. Since the first show, I have really tried to put away the 

measuring calipers and white gloves - there are more important things to occupy my time. 

As you point out in your post, it would take an immense amount of energy to be so controlling.