Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

Let me just say, sorry, Grant, that I hear what you're saying but I'm not buying what you're selling.  Why?  Because you're implying that you went to Dr. Phil for Kelly's sake to try to help her.  You acknowledge that "keeping the house together" means different things to different people, and from Kelly's posts it seems clear that she thinks your home is kept to a standard that is acceptable to her, and would be to most people under the circumstances.  The impression I get is that if she's asking for your advice it's only because you are so obviously chomping at the bit to give her advice.   

You post:  "Why do I say "we" now, like I did in the first five minutes of the original show - because I realize that I contribute to the problem or solution depending on what I do and how I do it."   

I have two questions for you after two trips to Dr. Phil and all the advice from this board:   

1) What is it you realize you contribute to the problem or solution by what you do and how you do it?    

2) Did your parents ever teach you that it's not ok to humiliate somebody, especially someone you love, on national TV?        

Myabe it's me but I think so many have missed the point of the show.  I caught them mostly online but did happen to catch a "live"version the other night.  I don't think it's truly about the cleanliness of the house so much as it's about the effect his criticism has on her self esteem.  He has acknowledged that she does work hard but it's minimal in the time /energy he's spent criticizing her and how she does things.  The respect thing works both ways.  It's great that some women are at home and give 100% but I believe their husbands aren't demanding and critical every step of the way either.  I agree, that if a woman is at home the expectations are different than f they both worked.   But for everyone there are different standards and I think it can all be worked out with a little planning. HOWEVER, I don't think the constant criticism  and disapproval is necessary or productive on any level- for Grant, Kelly and the kids.  The kids also feel that tension and that can't be good.  That said, I also think there is so much more to being a husband than to bring home a check big enough to pay the bills.  That is nothing compared to the big picture.  I also think that some women do take advantage of being home and don't give the effort they could.  I'm sure it can be overwhelming but I think a plan and routine can go a long way.  Although, I have never had the option to stay home I can see that it's not easy and there are times when outside help may be beneficial- especially when there are 3 uner the age of 5.  I don't think unless anyone is in the same position as Kelly (meaning with Grant's attitude and 3 kids so little) that they can say she's not doing her job.  I think she's doing the best she can.  Maybe if she did get a Housekeeper for a limited time that could help.  I have a friend with 3 and she homeschools and she has one and it's a saving grace.  That frees up more time with the kids and that's a good thing.  Maybe if Grant took on one or two SMALL tasks with the kids- like baths or bedtime stories- that may help, too.  True, he makes the money but after being away all day from the kids you'd think he'd JUMP at the chance not only to spend time with them BUT also to help Kelly.  I don't know.  It's just hard to see Kelly struggling under Grant's unrealistic expectations.  All in all, I think this could be worked out.  I pray for them and their marriage.   

Ok, I know you guys don't like me, but I have a funny story too. 

We went to take the baby for her baptism in a Lutheran Church and we were all in the service (all the kids, family, friends and the rest of the congregation).  The pastor asked for the kids to come up and they did, including my older kids and he was showing them this big candle that they use on special occasions.  He said that they light it on celebrations, such as baptisms.  He asked the kids when they might light the candle on other celebration days. 

Some of the kids responded with , "Easter", "Christmas" and other Christian holidays. 

My son piped right up and said, "Hannakuh!" 

:) 

If you think Kelly works hard, who were you talking about as bucking the system? 

As I was watching the show, I kept asking myself......these are HIS children too, right???? Grant is a selfish, unrealistic man. I can't believe that Kelly puts up with him. Life is too short too be that miserable!!!!!!!!!! 

Most men would appreciate a wife that WANTS to stay home with kids.   

I don't know if this actually relates to Kelly and Grants situation.   

What if the stay at home person tells their spouse that they want to do all of these things before they are married?  Let's assume that they talk about it before they get married.  For instance if a soon to be wife says, "I want to have that 50's style life.  I want to take care of the house and the kids and my husband."  Should the husband then be allowed to hold his wife accountable if she doesn't follow through with what she says she wants to do for the family?